(S)ex-pats and big cats

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We leave Laos in a longtail boat, which takes us the short hop across the Mekong from Huay Xai to Chiang Khong. The Thai visa laws have recently changed for land border crossings, and instead of the free 30 day pass of just weeks ago, we are now granted only 14 days. This means we'll be doing a border hop in a fortnight, which is a bit of a pain but not the end of the world. I just wonder why the Thai government have decided to make it harder for tourists at a time when business owners are already concerned by the falling number of visitors during this global recession. Seems counter productive to me.

Anyway, 7 hours on a bus through ridiculously vivid green forest covered mountains takes us to Chiang Mai. For some reason I had pictured a much smaller town, although Chiang Mai is the 2nd biggest Thai city after Bangkok. The Old Quarter, surrounded by a moat and the remains of the 700 year old walls built to keep out Burmese invaders, is what I had in mind, with it's maze of narrow lanes (called soi) and hundreds of temples. But this area is dwarfed by the surrounding city that is modern Chiang Mai. High rises housing internation chain hotels, shopping malls and McFastfood joints make for a generic city that could be anywhere. If it wasn't for all the go-go bars that it. Neon lit pleasure palaces line the streets, with scores of bored looking Thai girls in mini skirts and bikinis waiting for business. Then there's the tall and often extremely beautiful ladyboys, much louder and brasher in their attempts to lure customers to their bars. Yep, we're definitely in Thailand!

Our $6 room at the North Star guesthouse in the Old Quarter is pretty good, but the cable TV doesn't have the all important ESPN, and tonight at 2am it's Barcelona v Chelsea in the Champions League Semi Final. We walk all over town but all the guesthouses, from cheap hostels to 5* hotels (yep, we were willing to upgrade to that extent!) subscribe to the same cable network which doesn't include the coveted ESPN. We're told that there are sports bars and skin bars that have the channel, but the legitimate establishments abide by the city curfew of midnight, so we're stuck with a choice from the seedier side of town. The Half Moon, tucked down a soi near our guesthouse, isn't a full on go-go bar, but all the other customers are sex tourists or long term residents who clearly didn't move here for the temples. The very helpful (!) hostesses constantly refill your glass to ensure large bar bills and speedy intoxication...they're trying to get us drunk! Happily the football starts soon after we arrive, and the fact that we're not destroyed by Barca, and the rounds of cheese and Marmite toasties make the surroundings easier to stomach.

We return the following night to watch Man U v Arsenal, and as I'm not personally engrossed in this game I'm all too aware of the sleazy conversations around me that had been easier to zone out last night. These men, well old enough to know better, live out their fantasy that they are irresistable, to loud fake laughter from their adoring young audience. The topic of conversation is always sex and I wonder if they really believe their self-hyped Casanova personas...in Viagra they trust! The whole scene just makes me feel a bit sad...sad for the girls, that this is the best option they can think of, and sad for the wives and kids of the many wedding band wearing losers. I even feel a bit sad for the men...that they think they are living the high life, and that for them, this is as good as it gets.



We return to Chiang Mai in time for the second legs of the Champions League semis...we all know how that turned out, and that's all I have to say about that! We have 48 hours before our bus to Bangkok, and in between watching stoopid football, we also go to watch some Muay Thai boxing. We're led into the small arena by a ladyboy who reminds me of a scary Wonderwoman. She gets all "Hey Girlfriend!" with me, as she links arms and leads me to our ringside table. I decide that I like the ladyboy hostesses...there's not that sadness and the sense that they'd rather be anywhere but here...they're super, thanks for asking! When 20 of them launch into a chorus line rendition of I Will Survive it's impossible not to cheer them on, and when I return from the ladies (hilariously a shrine to Mariah Carey...I always wondered about her?!) to find one of them propositioning Ritch, I'm not in the least offended!

The Muay Thai is just as entertaining...the first few fighters are tiny teens who could knock me out blindfolded. In the halfway interval we see exactly what Thai boxers can do blindfolded when four men enter the ring to play a head kicking, punch throwing game of Blind Man's Bluff. It's even funnier than the ladyboys...the referee hits the deck countless times as they all wildly lash out in every direction. The last two standing take off their masks for the final which is clinically finished in seconds with the benefit of sight. The fights after the break are equally professional when the big boys come out to play (although they are also deceptively tiny). There's also a girl fight, won by the British challenger...somehow I feel their pain more than when watching the men take kicks in the gut. The ritual before each bout and the wild music that plays throughout make for an unforgettable scene, and the fighters' composure when compared to the frantic gambling circles is a lesson in control.

Our final bit of excitement in Chiang Mai easily trumps everything that has gone before. When we heard there's a place called Tiger Kingdom, where the brave and stupid can get up close to the big cats, we were like...where do I sign?! When you sign up, you also sign away the right to sue if it all goes a bit wrong. But it's no shoddy outfit...an impressive, modern zoo-like setup, with lovely big enclosures for the tigers who have been reared in captivity and look happy and healthy. There's the choice of getting in with tigers of all ages, though at the moment there are no really young tiger cubs to cuddle. For us there's really no competition...it's got to be the big boys. Their handlers, despite the jokes that dinner has just walked in, are reassuringly competant and professional. They explain that the 2 females and 1 male in the enclosure are 14 months old...just a few months shy of being fully grown, at which point they are no longer 'safe' to be around. They run through the safety instructions...never approach the tigers face-on, don't touch their heads and make sure the camera flash is turned off. We pay rapt attention and then nervously approach the beautiful big cats.

At first, I'm not ashamed to say, I keep quite a distance until I see how naturally the handlers play with them and how happily they lap up the human attention. Confidence growing, I squat down to touch a tiger for the first time...it's quite an experience...their fur is amazingly soft, and quite at odds with the powerful muscles rippling beneath. When the female I'm stroking yawns, revealing her huge teeth I almost lose my bottle again, but the handler starts gently wrestling her and she makes such a happy purring noise that I start to relax a bit more. Saying that, the whole time I'm in the enclosure I always have one eye on the tiger (!) that I'm next to, whilst the other is keeping watch on the positions of the other two...this is not a place for surprises! They really are like big soppy cats though, especially when I tickle the male's tummy and he rolls over for more 😊 At one point the male and one of the females start play fighting, but it seems a bit too similar to real fighting when you're in such close proximity.

After our time in the enclosure is up, we walk round the rest of the complex, looking at the adult tigers who, although not much bigger than 'our' tigers, look much scarier and you really wouldn't get in a cage with them. There are also some tiny lion cubs being reared, who are possibly the cutest things I have ever seen. Our encounter with these beautiful tigers is easily a high point of our trip, and one of the most memorable things I've done in my entire life. I still can't quite believe that I have cuddled a tiger!

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