Finally, a few words from Jaz

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I asked Jaz to articulate her feelings about what our experience in Siem Reap was like for her and why she is so anxious to return. With her permission, I post it here:


Articulation. What an annoying concept :P But I have a feeling I’ll be happy I did it, once I’m finished.

Okay, the question, à la Mom: What did I gain, or how did I change, from this trip?

Here’s my Top 5 List, in no particular order:

♠ A great experience - Well this is just a given. I’ve had such fun times on this trip… trying new things, going new places, meeting new people… and then becoming familiar with a lot of it, and still enjoying it. I miss it already - the schools, the markets, the food, the bike rides, the walks, the parties, teaching, the atmosphere of it all, and, most of all, the people. I wouldn’t trade those six weeks for anything in the world 😊

♠ Opportunities for the future - I’ve found myself in a constant state of pondering all of the possibilities for the future… We’ve already had some conversation (over email) with my principal about me spending (part of) my senior year in Cambodia, and I can’t seem to go more than an hour without finding myself thinking about “the next time”, which I hope will be sooner rather than later. Part of the purpose of this trip from the beginning was to see how much we (my mom and I both) enjoyed being somewhere away from home for such a long time, with time spent volunteering, and to see if we would - someday in the near or distant future - be up for doing it for a longer period of time. And I know spending, say, nine months there is way different than six weeks, but I’d like to think that I now know myself well enough to be able to confidently predict that I would enjoy it, and would definitely never regret it. I’ve found myself viewing this trip as a prelude to something bigger, and I’m so thankful for all the possibilities [:

♠ Confidence - This is a big one. I’ve gained a lot of confidence from this trip, and in a lot of different ways. One: I’m more confident in my abilities to volunteer. It’s somewhat intimidating at first, teaching an English class (or something of the sort.) I wondered if what I was doing was really helping them, if I was really making a difference. I worried that I was just getting in the way and wouldn’t be truly beneficial. And I think a lot of that insecurity came from the fact that I was completely and totally winging it: I’d never taught before, I didn’t have any preparation for the most part, and really the only qualification I had in the area was the fact that I speak English. And, yes, it’s scary at first, and I still have a lot to learn and figure out in the ways of teaching styles… what works, what doesn’t, etc etc. But at least, throughout the time I was there teaching, I got a sense that I can do it. The kids seemed to enjoy me, I could see the progress they were making, and I could already start to improve my teaching skills just from the small amount of experience I was gaining. I may not be perfect (who is anyway?) and I may not have much experience, but I have to start somewhere and I’m confident that I can catch on pretty quick.

Okay, two: Confidence in my ability to travel and, specifically, be traveling/living in Siem Reap. Basically, it’s more experience to add to the list. Previous travel with my family helped, my trip alone to Ecuador helped, and now this trip has added to my ability to get myself around, intermingle with the different customs, and all the other joys of travel. I have to say, I think I pretty much have it down at this point - as much as a sixteen year old can at least [:

And three: Confidence in a more personal sense. Travel has a magic to it… it takes you out of your element and puts you in all kinds of new and different situations that you may never have the privilege (or misfortune, as the case may be) to experience at home in your routine everyday lifestyle. And, through this, you learn about yourself… at least I know I’ve learned a lot about myself. It’s not like they’re epiphanies, or world-shattering knowledge, but just little things here and there. Like, I now happen to know that I can spend two months with my mom without getting sick of her. I know I can spend two months away from home and not miss a thing - even friends - except for my dad. Who knew!? I know how I act, react, and behave in tons of different situations, in which I’ve surprised myself sometimes, in both positive and negative ways. I don’t put myself above teenage angst, hormones, or any of the other joys that come with adolescence. When it comes down to it, I’m still just a teenage girl searching for herself - or rather, creating herself - and I think travel is a great way to go about discovering who you are, who you want to become, and who you have the potential to be. And I believe the closer you are to answering those questions, the more secure and confident in yourself you can be.

♠ Better ability to put things into perspective - It’s hard to see poverty. That’s a fairly obvious statement. But strangely enough, for me, it’s even more difficult to return home. (This is based on my previous experience of last year’s trip and return home, and I’m expecting something similar this time.) It’s painful to see people without jobs, without homes, without food, and sometimes without hope. And, it’s painful to come home where everybody you know has a more-than-comfortable life, with no worries about how they’re going to eat the next day, and with more material objects and stuff than they know what to do with. And then, to add to it all, some of these people who have amazing lives don’t even appreciate it. They bitch and they moan about such meaningless things. They can be so ignorant about and detached from the world that surrounds them. It’s absolutely heartbreaking to see this contrast… to recognize the injustice and inhumanity occurring right in front of you, and knowing there’s only so much you can do. And so I know, after returning home from this trip, it’s going to be agonizing for me to deal with this. But I also know that I’m lucky to have been exposed to this poverty. Number one, because I have the opportunity to help and make a difference - a small difference, but still something. I can’t emphasize enough how incredible of a feeling that can be. But also, because unlike the millions of Americans saying that their life sucks because their parents won’t buy them a new car for their birthday, or because their new iPod doesn’t hold enough space, I have the ability to put these kind of things into perspective. I’ve had the experience of seeing how people live with so little and, in some cases, appear to have a very poor quality of life. This is a reminder that I am so very fortunate in my life that I should never take what I have for granted, and I really don’t have a god damn thing to complain about. And, I’d like to add that in many other cases of poverty we’ve seen (perhaps more-so in the less extreme cases) there are people who don’t have much, but still manage to keep high spirits and probably enjoy life more than these spoiled Americans. They make do with what they have and they seem happy! This is a reminder that life is what you make of it. America has such a culture of never being satisfied with what you have… you always need more, more, more. It’s good to be reminded that if you are just content with what you have, you’ll most likely be happier. I feel very privileged to have had this experience, because I believe I’ll be able to put all my negative life-at-home happenings into perspective, which will make me much more grateful for my life.

♠ Connections with people - This has been my favorite part of this trip. Meeting people, talking with people, smiling at people, making eye contact with people, taking pictures of people, dancing with people, laughing with people, teaching people, helping people, learning from people, playing with people, riding motos with people. With Lori, with the family, with the kids, with students, with teachers, with waiters and bartenders, with vendors, with random people on the street. It’s such a good feeling to have a human connection with somebody, on whatever level it is, whether you speak their language or not. There was never a lack of that. I’ve gained friends - some I know I will see again soon, and some I may never see again in my life. The people of Cambodia have made this trip what it really is.

Finish!

Thank you, Jaz.

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Comments

[Sara Denny]

You said a mouthful, Jaz
You, Jaz, are my prime example of how 21st century schooling has to look different from 20th century. Your comments are so packed full of wisdom, and your communication is so clear that there's no doubt about 'could this learning have happened from a book?' It could not. Thanks for letting us read what you think. You are one of my heroes. Sara

[lorrie]

good writing, jaz-u certainly are your mother's daughter-and i for one am swearing to do better in the whining area after taking another trip with you-the "news" here does not portray other cultures/countries intimately as u and jess do-i've come to know and feel so much more thru both of u. thanks

[dad]

Hi, Thanks Jaz. I can't begin to explain how glad I am you took this trip, and very happy with what you got out of it. Very well ARTICULATED, ha ha. Miss you tons. LOVE, dad

[Lori]

Finish?
"Alreadeeee" or not yet? Funny that you are 16 and I am 50 and we've had much the same experience. Your words tell my story also and resonate strongly. The things you learned here, you will keep learning; the doors that have opened can never be closed again, the thing that has awakened in you will always keep you from being blind. With a heart that is open and eyes that can see, you can do anything. I'm looking forward to working with you here again.

[Kathy R]

Making a difference
Jaz - this was a wonderful entry. You clearly have all the qualities I value most in the teachers I admired and who made a difference in my own life - self reflection, astute observation, a wry sense of humor, facility with a turn of phrase, a passion to communicate and something worth saying, empathy with and insight into the circumstances others live with, an optimism that makes the whole world seem possible to you -and, I promise - to those whose lives you touch. I can't wait for you to go back and write about it. Can't wait til I have the book about it in my hands. Love this: "I’m still just a teenage girl searching for herself - or rather, creating herself." Good luck Jess - thanks for asking Jaz to write this! Kathy

[Ginny Eklund]

Well said
You have expressed yourself very well both with regard to your own personal growth and self-confidence and especially with regard to experiencing the poverty of others in relation to Americans. We have had similar experiences in Equador and Nicaragua and I learned that I did not really feel sorry for very many people--only the most desperate, because their spirits were so good. I actually felt sorriest when we visited a village of folks removed from the Managua city dump into a rural area, who now had televisions and land but less community than they had had in the crowded dump city, and I was sorry to see electricity and television coming to the village where we spent several days two different years. (By the way, I am John Rouleau's cousin).