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Published: June 26th 2007
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Following our shocking and revealing stint in Bangkok and following the worst rainfall we have ever seen we boarded the night train for Chang Mai in a rush after playing darts for too long in a pub. Knackered i went straight to bed but Mark and Sean being the C.O.V. party boys that they are decided to drink beers and play cards. Mark also being a major rude boy ignored requests from the guard/train policeman to remove his feet from the opposite bunk and subsequently got told to 'kiss me'. Following this outburst he retired immediately sleeping with his arse to the wall.
Arrival in Chang Mai saw us begin our stay at the Five Star Hostel (this would certainly be considered false advertising back in blighty) run by the self titled Thai guy, Mr Mel Gibson. Mel seemed very friendly at first and offered to take us on a night on the town Chang Mia style which we accepted. After telling him about our adventures in Bangkok and stressing that we would prefer a relaxed bar for a few quiet beers, which was not a Go Go Bar, he proceeded to take it one step further and take
us to a brothel!! We should maybe have read the signs before as he continually discussed having a full body thai tit massage and being 'in love' with a working girl however he seemed naive and friendly and Sean even initially preferred him to my best mate Dave from the Bangkok hostel (i found this ludicrous). Just before entering the brothel he told us he had forgotten his phone and wallet hence no money. Unknowing as yet that this establishment was a full on brothel with approximately 40 girls sat behing a glass screen, numbered and ready for choosing we told Mel we'd get the first drink and then he can go to get his stuff. Mel proceeded however to stare gleefully at the girls trying to find his 'special one' from a previous visit. Feeling quite uncomfortable we finally managed to drag him out after agreeing that Mel was hoping that we might pay for both his beers and his favourite girl. After leaving the brothel he seemed dispondant and went straight home confirming our suspicions that he is a seedy twat!! However the night was not totally lost when we found the heavenly night club that is SPICY.
The only nightclub in town, Spicy has an interesting clientele of westerners, genuine Thai's on a night out, standard hookers and gangs of tiny midget disgusting looking ewok type hookers. The latter were particularly amusing/shocking and a good/messy night was had by all which compromised many dances with all members of Spicy's clientele but with our dignity and self respect still in tact. The photos of this now legendary evening are unfortunately on Mark's camera but will be posted here asap. Watch this space, just don't be eating your dinner when looking at the photos of the ewok hookers. We have since decided that these creatures must be somewhat retarded. You can decide for yourself.
Understandably the following day saw us feeling very ill and doing nothing. Although we did again play poker in the evening after all agreeing to be more gracious in victory to avoid further arguments and outbursts of bravado, however this new found sense of responsibility was immediately put to the test as I won 4 games in a row and a total of 600 baht. It took all my inner strength to refrain from laughing my tits off whilst shouting 'in your face'!!
Easy rider
Just after this was taken i tried to move off for the first time and very nearly crashed into the dinner tables at our hostel. The staff did not look impressed. The next day, Thursday I think, we hired scooters at an extremely cheap price. We were all a little nervous and agreed to take it very easy on them to hopefully avoid any sort of stay in a Thai hospital. After responsibly requesting helmets, checking the bikes and assuring the staff that we had driven scooters before I proceeded to veer headlong towards a stone table in the hostel entrance. I just managed to pull the scooter up short and not shit myself however the hostel staff were not impressed so we made a sharp exit with me behind swerving all over the road. Sean and Mark seemed to take to the scooters very easily but I had much more difficulty with pulling off and taking corners proving an absolute nightmare. The traffic in Chang Mai did not help and I spent around five minutes at a junction, waving cars past and generally looking like an absolute prick whilst I waited for a fifty yard gap to pull safely out into. Following a turbulent 20 minute ride out of the main city we stopped for a drink whilst I attempted to hold my nerve and stop shaking. However after these
initial horrific moments I began to get the hang of it as we headed out of the city towards and army shooting range. The shooting range was bad ass but didn't do much to calm my already frayed nerves. We chose three guns to shoot, a Colt 45, a sniper rifle and a big mother of a hand cannon and proceeded to fire at targets. the snipere rifle and the Colt 45 were fine however the hand cannon had such a heavy kick back that I almost dropped it every time I fired it. Video clips of us with deadly weapons can be viewed at http://Rodney82.bebo.com. Just before Mark took aim on one occasion with the hand cannon he proved that he was still in touch with nature my commenting out of the blue 'what a beautiful butterfly'.....idiot!!
Following the shooting and more frayed nerves (we were taking bets on whether I would suffer a heart attack or a nervous breakdown first) we got back on the bikes and headed into the midst of the jungle and a waterfall via the Beatle cafe in the middle of nowhere. This place was a shrine to the fab four with memorabilia
on all walls and Beatles tracks blasting out continously but the owner Jeeb Lennon was asleep so couldn't play us any guitar.
The waterfall was a nice change of pace and calmed me slightly before we easy ridered it back into Chang Mai just for rush hour but by this time we had all mastered scooter driving and were veering in and out of the traffic like real Thai drivers (although I still wouldn't try driving with 3 people on one scooter). With the hostel staff shocked that we all arrived back in one piece we retired early for the night in preperation for our 3 day track into the jungle the following day.
I will discuss the treck and the events following with two lovely Dublin girls at a later date as I can't be arsed to do it now, need the photos from Mark's camera and have to do some sort of research on Cambodia and malaria as we are off on a 24 hour bus journey there tonight, laters.
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Saul
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Bebo me up
how many more social networking sites will I have to join to keep up with you? Hope the video is worth it...