The End of Yakyu Otaku

---

A little shy of six years ago my friend Cory sent me a link to travelblog, suggesting that I open an account so my friends could keep track of me over the summer.

I am, and always have been, a reputed storyteller: a man of words. Brutally honest at times, deceitful and conniving at others. For good or for worse, sharing my experience with others in the form of an anecdote has been my chosen modality of living, if not the purpose of my life at large. Privacy was always of very little concern to me, and perhaps many of my wrongdoings here stem from my inability to comprehend its importance to the private person. As many ironies I find in the prolonged popularity of this blog, I can no longer justify my habits of exposure on the hypocrisy of others. It is my own hypocrisy that I wish to address here, in a final act of confession on this blog.

At a younger, stronger age I vowed I would never make apologies for being the way that I am; but on my journey to adulthood I have realized that there is a difference in between endeavoring to live an exceptional life, and simply living in sheer defiance of what is conventional. My mother always urged me to consider the wants of others before my own, and I don’t know why I ever presumed such an impalpable thing as ‘poetic license’ would exempt me from that responsibility. My hurtful acts, though individually many, fall under two categories: One, the wanton disregard of the feelings of others in pursuit of fame. Two, the clever use of the word and clever misuse of editorial powers in order to give my own version the perceptible authenticity of gospel.

The second is excusable in certain contexts. It it simply part of the game when writing fiction. But ‘fiction’ is the key word in that maxim, which links back to the former assertion. It was never, at any point in time, right of me to expose the names and personas of the women in my life to entertain a crowd of strangers. No kind of reward or attention (least of all the negligible amount that I received here) can justify the things that I said here in black ink for all to see. I thought for the longest time that leaving it up as a testament to my folly and trying to amend it through further writing would eventually expiate myself, but that too has proved misguided.

I used to think fiction was the cowards way out. A place where you live out fantasies you are too impotent to make true yourself, or a place where you admit things you are too ashamed of in your own life. It’s truly pitiful that I only recently realized the true value of fiction. That really, it is a means of protecting the people you love, and the people who love you from your careless choices and your own stupid, goddamn, huge fucking mouth. I would be a much happier person if it hadn’t taken me a quarter of a century to realize that.

It almost pains me to think that the bad decisions that I’ve made as a result of my own conceit here on this blog have lead me to some very beneficial and very lucrative opportunities. In the coming months and years, you may see me and variants of my stories come back in a very big way. I will not try to hide from my past, and I may even try to defend myself under scrutiny, but I will do no further to expose people who never asked to be wrapped up in my bullshit. Now I can only hope now to live my life hereon in a way that will atone for my past mistakes, and that starts with a simply naked apology:

I am sorry to all the girls I hurt in the process of writing this blog.
I am sorry for bending the truth in order to justify my selfish ways.
.
.
.
I sure was fun for a while though.

I case you're wondering what happened to me, I live in Seoul now. I started out as an English teacher, but in September of last year, became an overnight media phenomenon when I lept on stage in the middle of the baseball game and began to lead the cheering. (See video below.)

There is yet a story to be told, but you won't find it here. I'm launching a new page in April, details forthcoming.

As a final word for the Yakyu Otaku, I would like to thank all of your that wrote me with heartfelt, considerate advice--especially those of you who tried earnestly to save me from hurting myself and others. I am sorry I didn't always listen. Thank you for your praise and your criticism. Thank you for your love and your loyalty. I will try my best not to let you down in the future.

Sincerely,

T.J. Smith

---

Comments

[C-Benz]

Valuable life lessons are described in this passage, and you officially a man. I\'d love to catch up with you whenever we happen to be in the same locale. Cheers.