Settled? Maybe

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So when is the magical when I get up and everything just seems normal? It always feels like it is right around the corner...I have confidence moving around and stumbling my way through conversations, I know enough people here that I am now woven into the tapestry that is Bundang. And yet, something is still unsettled. Maybe that is a good thing. Maybe on the inside I don't want to be settled. It is refreshing to, for once, be shaken up- for life to be unpredictable, and for my identity to be a little blurry. It makes for an easier transition- easier growth.

It is strange to me that I have not gone out of my way to develop in depth relationships with the people I live with yet. I like the flexibility of staying on the edge of the social climate. I love being with these people, they are all amazing. Maybe I am taking for granted that they will be so much a part of my life for the next few months. Maybe I am scared of that fact. In this context, people are always coming and going. There is no room for establishing "cliques" (thankfully), or any stable set of expectations of one another. Things are very fluid, and I don't know how to approach relationships with people that will both be my family for the next year, and yet will dissappear from my life just like that only to be replaced by someone else with the same wavering concept of our relationship.

It is difficult to explain. I have always had stable expectations from the social climates I involve myself in. I maintain friendships for a long time, and value them intensely. But before I came I let myself let a little of that in me go...I do not need that kind of rigid emotional nourishment the way I always have. And I have yet to figure out how I will let all of these people in with that already firmly in place in my mind.

Nonetheless, I have already had some amazing times with these people. St. Paddy's day here was one of the best, without a doubt. Hollering Canadian tunes at the top of our lungs in the corner of Geckos, oblivious to the world outside and around us, happy and content to be together and tattooed in green clovers. It was fun, and I know there are so many more times such as these to come. Mixed with my frustration and passion for the job I am doing, the political problems of late at work, the growing knowledge of who these people are around me, and the intense self knowledge I have developed in the small amount of time I have been here, I think I will be a busy girl in mind and spirit. Busy, and grateful. This is where I should be, for however long it lasts.

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