Johnny Cash Dump

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So my buddy Warren asked me one of my first days if I had had a Johnny Cash Dump yet. I didn't know what he was talking about...

One of the best things about Korea is obviously the extreme cultural differences. Eating in Korea can be nothing like eating in a Western country (the States). Sure, Korea is a developed country and they have taken their fair share of ideas from the West and introduced them into their culture. You can go to an Outback Steakhouse, TGIFriday's, McDonald's, Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, or even Baskin Robbins if you'd like. Or you can go to some knock-off Cheers restaurant that serves "quesadillas" and "mozzarella sticks." But that's not what I'm looking for in Korea. If I wanted to eat at those places, I would've just stayed in the States. No, I came here to experience the differences.

Lucky for me, one of the nicest people whom I've met, Warren, is even more about "experiencing Korea" than I. He has unflinchingly taken me under his wings and showed me around the traditional side of Korea. So for most of my dinners, Warren takes me to a different restaurant during our breaks between classes, and teaches me the ways of true Korean culinary. Half the restaurants where we eat, we take our shoes off at the door and sit on the floor. Half of the restaurants also have a grill or fire pit on the table and cook some of the food in front of you. No, it’s not quite like the Japanese restaurants where you sit 12 at a table and the chef tosses shrimp into your mouth. These are standard 2 and 4 person tables with a small grill in the middle. The "chef" doesn't cook it in front of you; the waitress simply places the food on the grill for you and flips it when necessary. Also, you know how when you cook a turkey, you cut off pieces with a knife, or when you're eating a steak you cut off bites with a steak knife? Well, in Korea, the only silverware is chopsticks and a spoon. The waitress usually cuts the meat for you on the grill, and she does so with a pair of scissors. Yup, red plastic-handled metal scissors that you buy at Office Depot. But it's not strange here. It makes sense here. And I like that.

Sometimes when I'm eating, I think about it from an American perspective and wonder what my family, specifically my brother, or any typical American would think of eating some of the things I'm eating. And it's funny, but I think most of them would say "ewww, are you serious? I'm not eating that crap!" For example, I ate a meal last week that I'm still not sure what it was. It was either sea snake, or sea worm. It was chewy, heavily marinated in spicy red pepper sauce, and tasted like the ocean. All I know is that it looked like snake, was cut into pieces in front of me with scissors, and tasted okay. Not great, but not horrible. Would you eat something that looked like snake, especially if you you weren't sure it wasn't?

Just the other day, Warren took me to a place to try Korean "potato soup" which isn't the creamy, tasty potato chowder you'd expect. It ended up being pork spine stew with a couple potatoes somewhere in it, garnished with cabbage, mushrooms, and some other stringy vegetables of sorts. Apparently this particular dish was created specifically as a hangover cure. Nice! Also, the restaurant was much busier than any other restaurant that I've been to so far. The place is like the Denny's or IHOP of Korea, except instead of pancakes, it serves pork-spine stew.

The stew was tasty, and very good in comparison to a lot of the other things I've eaten, but I just can't see a lot of Americans willingly eating it. There were literally fist-sized chunks of a pig's spine in the soup that you scoop out into your bowl and pick at with chop sticks to get all the meat out from in between the spinal discs. And, no, I'm not exaggerating at all. When I got all the meat out, it looked like an anatomical drawing of a spine.

I am enjoying the Korean traditional food, and all the crazy things that I'm eating. But, just to give me a "break" from it, Warren ordered some hot wings for us after work the other night. Oh yeah, nothing like a good order of American hot wings, just like Wild Wings, or Hooters. Good old American eating. Not quite. These were American hot wings done Korean style. He said that these wings were addictingly spicy and so hot that they get you high. Warren's also not the type of guy to joke around. His intensity and seriousness are unwavering. So he orders these hot wings delivered to his place.

We're sitting down in his apartment, chowing down on these wings. There's nothing really THAT different about them. Well other than their varying sizes and unbelievably flavorful taste. In America, when you order wings, you get legs and wings. They're all the same size (roughly 3 inches), and they all look about the same right? Well, a couple of the wings we had were entire wings (shoulder to wing tip, bent at the "elbow"), and one of the drum sticks was at least 8 inches long (must've been a HUGE chicken). Initially they weren't as hot as Warren had prepared me. It's not until you finish your first one that you find out how hot they are. It's the kind of hotness that when you stop eating, and start breathing that it hits you. It's one of those feelings where the only way to make it stop burning is to grab another one and keep eating. It was amazing. And, though they weren't "funny wings," they do give you a sort of buzz while you're eating them. It's hard to explain, but they were intoxicatingly delicious and scorching hot!

So, it was the next morning when I realized what Warren was talking about that first night. I was finally having my first Johnny Cash Dump.

Definition - A Johnny Cash Dump occurs when you're sitting on the toilet and you find yourself singing in your deepest best Johnny Cash voice... (sing it nice and slow in a deep Johnny Cash voice...)

"Love... is a burning thing... And it burns, burns, burns, burns, like a burning ring of fire!..."

Yes, those spicy hot wings were amazing tasty, hotter than anything I've ever eaten, and gave me my very first Johnny Cash Dump...

And yes, so far it's been worth it!

Hope everyone is doing well. Shoot me an e-mail and let me know how things are going around your way.

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Photos

Warren
My buddy Warren and his girl, Jin Ju at a Korean restaurant.

Table Grill
Kimchi, pork, and garlic on a typical grill at your table. Yes, the pork was cut with scissors.

Spine
Actually, this is a lot like what the pork spine looked like in my bowl.

Comments

[Kathleen]

i love the diagrams/illustrations you find it is necessary to include in your stories. you're such a nerd....but still one of the best story-tellers i know. keep up the good work oh noble teacher of english

[Rachteach22]

Pig Spine
I loved your description of the pig spine! I am an American teaching in Taiwan and I went to Korea two weeks ago. I honestly didnt think eating pig spine was strange, actually I didnt even think twice about it. Thus I have just realized I have been living in Asia too long. I love your blog entrys!

[joy gant]

good god i'm choking to death
made the mistake of reading this one while i'm eating dinner. almost choked to death laughing reading this one. i love your candor. really enjoying reading this blog.