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July 26th 2005
Published: July 26th 2005EDIT THIS ENTRY

In reply to the comments on the previous posting, no, I'm not "ronrey," as far as I know; I've never seen Team America, though I've heard it was hilarious. Something about puppet porn...Anyway, "Anonymous," if that is your real name, thanks for the out-of-context missive. Nothing beats candor, even from someone I'm not sure I know. "Cooler than you'll ever be?" I don't know. I sort of doubt it. As long as I've inspired you to rejoice in the pleasures of breaking shit, my work is done.

And dad, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the board-breaking section. I agree, blowing shit up is one of the only things that beats breaking shit where funness is concerned. One 4th of July some friends and I tried to blow up a 5-gallon bucket of sour cream. Don't ask where we got it. The quarter stick of dynamite (maker of Boom) turned out to be a dud, though (no Boom). I was crushed. Which reminds me, South Korean Independence Day is coming up. Heh, heh, heh.

Heo Shim Choeng Sounds a Bit Like Ho Chi Minh

...but the only resemblance between the two is the...nope, no resemblance at all. On Saturday, I visited the Heo Shim Choeng spa. I was a little nervous. There would be naked men, which is a little scary for my Puritanical, Western, fragile soul. And I'm always a little nervous when I go out to any Korean place, not speaking the language enough to say, "Stop staring at me. Seriously."

Fortunately, it's really not an issue. The spa is basically a big hall full of swimming pools, heated to various temperatures, and saunas and statues of nude women (and dolphins), which are the only nude women a man is going to see at the spa. They have the men and women split up into two spa sections. Unfortunate almost, but then it would, realistically, be very uncomfortable to walk among a bunch of strange naked women with Mr. Wrinkles weebling around - which isn't to say I wouldn't like to be given the chance. The thing about the spa is that there's no conversation, really, a few grunts and such between fathers and sons, but mostly the men are there for one purpose. Relax, and pretend like there aren't a bunch of other guys there.

So that's what I did, going from super-heated sauna to icy pool in under 30 seconds just to see if I could do it. It was weird, too, those kind of changes in so short a time does strange things to one's head. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) Some of the more extreme features include: a waterfall bath that drops water from about 6 meters, hard enough to almost hurt; the aforementioned icy pool next to the sauna and the almost scalding pool; I didn't get to try it, but there is evidently an exfoliation studio where they scrub all of the dead skin off of you.

Anyway, two hours and 8000 Won (~8 bucks) lighter, I walked out of the spa feeling ten varieties of great. I have trouble reasoning how I used to spend 20 dollars on one tab of ecstasy that might not even be ecstasy, which would last for about four hours, and for the next 24 hours make me feel like dogshit scraped off the boot of a corpulent concentration camp guard. This post-spa euphoria lasted for about six hours, and I felt great the next day. Live and learn, I guess. I recommend a spa visit to anyone wishing to feel like a million dollars.

In Other News

I just got paid, so soon there will be a digital camera in my possession (though not the super-awesome, professional quality SLR I want, thanks to my outstanding debts in the U.S.), which means there will be pictures on the blog here. It's probably better that I didn't get pictures of the spa, anyway. But, soon. Also I go on vacation here in a couple of days, so I'll come back with a ton of beautiful, semi-quality pictures from either Gyeong-ju or Seoul, I haven't decided which yet.

The terrorists are still assholes. But so is Bush, and Blair isn't coming off too well, either. They're in a tough spot, I understand, but it would be nice if they could at least craft the doublespeak so that I don't have to yell at the television when I watch a press conference.


26th July 2005

Love the entry -- now you know why I make the pilgrimage to Vegas every year with the girls (hee). This and your last entry made me laugh out loud! Can't wait to see pix too... Breaking the boards reminds me of your uncle Brian in college -- he used to use his head as a mallot regularly (rather than using it to pass all those exams)! Must run in the family...
26th July 2005

You ARE so much cooler than I will ever be.... ...and you should see Team America. Dad and I watched it the other night. Pimp-tastic
28th July 2005

Yes,please don't yell at the television- speak calmly to it! And if the word was "ornery" I think might have to second that.
29th July 2005

Too Funny
Andrew, you are a hoot - as my southern heritage would say!
19th August 2005

Ah, how I have missed you...
Your descriptive talent is, truly, peerless. "Corpulent concentration camp guard," indeed!! Also, incidentally, I hear tell that even those who devote themselves to the discipline of breaking shit, hurt after doing so with their heads. Man, I am envious of your spa trip! Spas in the States cost considerably more Won, I say wanly. Keep on bloggin', dude!

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