Riding the Malaysian monorail

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This is the diary we wrote when we were there!!!! Just as a memory of all the comedy events.....

PLANE OVER: Pizza in Cairo, Egyptian tea, Legroom - asshole, Air hostess reflection
Day 1 (Monday) Arrived. Checked in YMCA. Wandered round and saw geckos. Had tea in old town white Coffee and had a loitering waiter.
Day 2 (Tuesday) Tried to order black coffee for the first time in the YMCA café - unsuccessfully.
Bought monthly travel ticket and waited for the bus for 3 hours to do a trial run to work. Got shown around by Ju Inn- was real impressed with how nice and fancy the hospital was! Went to KLCC and tourist office to find info for trips and got excited at all the stuff we wanted to do. Had a Chinese there and rain started. Went back to YMCA. Went to Chinatown that night for dinner, had some more Chinese and Tiger beer.
Day 3 (Wednesday) Started work! Jaya did our induction thing. Was well scared of Lucy at first - thought I’d have to do a back Assessment but didn’t in the end. Everyone panicked when we finished and it sunk in we were actually here on placement. Went back to YMCA and had dinner there and did (some) work.
Day 4 (Thur) Work. Met Hannah and she gave us the time off we wanted for trips. Went to KLCC after work to book Taman Negara. Then got monorail to Bukit Bintang. Real nice there, ever so lively, but had Godawful Chinese - then wandered round for Len to find a polo shirt. Lucy had corn in a cup.
Day 5 (Fri) Half day! Straight to Pudyrya to get bus to Penang. Was carnage there, we grabbed food (got random potato pasty things). Drank Malibu on the bus and talked for 5 hours. Nearly got thrown off when Len said ‘I can’t move’ because of her bladder problem and I got threatened by the bus driver for ‘laughing like a crazy person’. Got ready at YMCA and met boys at Indian restaurant in night market, Went to the beach for a cocktail - Bilal got hit by a moped! Stopped by the police on the way home, who thought we were Russian prostitutes…
Day 6 (Sat) Breakfast at Penang YMCA, which was much nicer than ours! Massive faff before finally getting bus to Penang hill. Went to Bats cave Chinese temple at bottom then got cable car up. Went to the Hindu temple and Mosque at the top, then the massive Chinese Buddhist one right at the top. Walked all the way down and had the most supreme ice cream ever at the bottom. Such a good day. We got bus home and Len nearly died on the highway and I got spiked by a bloody bush thing. Went to a random Indian for tea and walked along the river after.
Day 7 (Sun) Georgetown after breakfast - got a Trishaw tour of the city, saw all the landmarks and fisherman’s village. Walked to clock tower after and met little old Malay man who took us to find a place for lunch. Bus back to YMCA, bus driver took forever…thought it was half 10 when we got back for a while, before finding out it was actually 9 O'clock!

Day 8 (Mon) Work. Haliza decided we had to do a presentation each, starting with Len. Gutted! Went to aerobics after to see hilarious stompy woman. Old Town White Coffee for tea but didn’t have curry potato toast.
Day 9(Tue) Attempted webcam chat with Kate - wasn’t happening and Adi was slowly getting rage. Ended up having tea in the YMCA café. Me and Len went to sort out her phone and the others wandered to find internet café for tomorrow.
Day 10 (Wed) Yu fang came back from work on the bus with us and walked around showing us where to go. People work such long hours here. Aerobics again after work. Came out and had pancakes (complete with sweetcorn, sugar, peanuts) and amazing chickpeas from Indian stall. Went to internet café and crazy guy in there was going mad and calling them a thief for about 20p! Len bought deep fried sugar from Indian dessert place.
Day 11 (Thur) Len did her presentation at work. Jaya told her how wrong it was afterwards! Went to Bangsar village after - Basil for Thai to see Azlan (so cute). Had amazing pineapple rice and keow Cheow (flat noodles) but there was traditional Malay sauce that smelt completely like feet. Afterwards me and Anna had a sly drink in the YMCA café and tried to describe elephants! Len and Lucy went to the internet and had a crazy exorcist guy in there. Quote of the day “what actually IS a mare?”
Day 12 (Fri) Work…Friday feeling! Baskin and Robbins after work. Boys arrived - went to Indian for tea in Brickfields Jaya recommended. Drank raspberry vodka in the hostel and went out. Lucy tried to do pull up on train and ‘immediately regretted it’. Saw towers at night, so pretty. Found Rum Jungle and met random police perves who gave us whisky. Stopped by police again, they just laughed and wanted our passports! Adi sang footie songs at the taxi driver. Got a tenners worth of treats and Milo from 7/11.
Day 13 (Sat) up early to go to twin towers but there were no tickets left. Went to KL tower instead and to the wildlife centre thing and F1 simulator. Got train to central market, and to Chinatown and had Godawful Chinese before we met Yu Fang. She showed us around Merdeka Square (independence square)and the national Mosque - we were rapidly fading but didn’t dare tell her how much we wanted/needed to leave and felt real bad when we did! Had a nap. Went out to the night markets at Masjid JAMEK, had tea at ABC Indian (Bilal continued to talk to any and every random). Azlan and his mates met us and we went to Bukit Bintang. Faffed around for about 5 hours and eventually ended up in a food place at KLCC at one in the morning. They ‘sent’ us home, there was about 50 of them outside the YMCA (for no reason) and JowJow told us how to make Milo (just swallow it all and shake it in your belly).
Day 14 (Sun) Len and Ad went to the towers. Me and Lu had breakfast with the boys, who were being arsey (wrong mosque apparently!) We wandered around and found random Hindu festival thing, with people dressed as tigers and stick dancing and women fanning pots of rice. Girls came back and had a nap and we went to Lake Garden later. Saw monkeys. Hilarious boat rides ‘This boats duff’ ‘Maximus Resistus’ ‘Speedy Gonzalez’ ‘Quads of steel’. Met Azlan and friends. Had tea in Bangsar and they ‘sent’ us home again. Len fell over and sprawled in the rain.
Day 15 (Mon) Work. Aerobics after. Jaya picked us up and took us to Sunway pyramid. Was wicked and soo massive, had an ice rink and everything in. He bought Lucy a birthday necklace (with Jack on it) - soooo cute. Took us to Gandhi’s veggie restaurant (had amazing soup) and waited till midnight to wish her happy birthday.
Day 16 (Tue) Lucy’s birthday. Got the café men (all 20 of them) to give her mini cakes with candles at breakfast. I faffed at work, choosing bodysuits with Hannah. Lucy had massive cake at lunch (Azlan got it on his moped). YMCA and got ready and had drinks. Went to Bangsar (for some reason), then eventually to KLCC to Tupai Tupai (Squirrel Squirrel) and ate with hands on tables on the floor (Kampung rich, Tom Yam soup, sweet and sour fish). Ad’s educator was being a nob.
Day 17 (Wed) Work - tried Asam, this minging plum salt combination. Never tasted anything so bad before. Aerobic after. Jaya picked us up and went to Gandhi’s for soup and chicken that isn’t chicken again. Went to YMCA café after.
Day 18 (Thur) Friday feeling! Lucy did her presentation. I worked with Jaya (up and down the bloody stairs) and tied a patient to the bed. Went to Time Square shopping, had soup in a bread bowl and I treated myself to some laxatives as the poo belly is getting ridiculous. Had feet eaten by fish. Ended up in internet café until God knows when adding face book photos.
Day 19 (Fri) Taman Negara day! Picked up and taken 3 hours on the coach (practicing flags of the world) to a boat where we went 3 hours to Taman Negara. Sooo hot and humid when we arrived we struggled a fair bit. Wandered around and had dinner at the floating restaurant. Comedy cat spilt drink all over Len who had just covered up to avoid the Leeches. Len was experiencing ‘swelling on the brain’. Night jungle walk saw Cicada, giant ant, giant millipede, deer, monitor lizard. Unsuccessful search for beer and so went to bed.
Day 20 (Sat) After breakfast trekked up to Bukit Teresek - up a million steps - through oldest rainforest in the world to canopy walkway - longest in the world (can-op-y cannot-pee). Back for lunch - had a beer and played cards. Went back on the boat and through rapids, got hundred percent soaked and took us to Orang Asli village (original people). Was amazing, they live nomadically, have no idea of their own age and the medicine man (chief) takes sick people deep into the jungle to cure them. Showed us how to make fire and hunting weapons. Rapids back. Had tea and drank beer. Random Otto guy was covered in bites and the ‘to dyke or not to dyke’ girls were there.
Day 21 (Sun) Left 9am. Boat and bus back. Adi lost her padlock key. Walked to Gandhi’s and Lucy fell down a hole. Made our excuses (guiltily) to Jaya.




Day 22 (Mon) Worked with Jaya in the morning and worked on my presentation in the office in the afternoon (faffed). Lunch with Jaya and he force-fed us some more with sugar pancake things. Sandran called Lucy over (!) bought us key rings and we were well chuffed. After work had durian chocolate - was telling Adi and Len how grim it was and she turned up more with some for them! Tasted horrendous but she was so cute presenting it to us. When we got back Adi's suitcase was still not broken into! Jaya picked us up and went Haliza's for tea (had Nasi Ayam - chicken rice - and black rice pudding dessert - was well nice!) Went to firefly sanctuary on a rowing boat, was so pretty - looked like Christmas trees covering the mangroves. Stopped on the way back for ABC (ice with kidney beans, runner beans sweetcorn, sugar, condensed milk). Jaya dropped us home.
Day 23 (Tue) Faffed at work ALL DAY. Len fell up the stairs. Power plate in service - I love all the equipment here. Waited for Haliza to finish - and we all went to Jaya's for tea. Was amazing, but his wife just seemed to serve us so it felt a bit strange. Kept topping up our bowls! Watched ‘So you think you can dance?’ and Len told us she can’t wait to see the British version - thirty times.
Day 24 (Wed) Work - Haliza was ill so I faffed all day. JowJow came for lunch at the hospital, very random. Another Power plate session - Len sorted out her pelvic floor which is definitely improving. Taught Azlan how to faff. Adi branded a SMC (slow moving creature). Went back and found out money was missing - Lucy decided Nisha was definitely the culprit (for a while). Went to aerobics. Went to blind veggie restaurant and had banana Roti. Jaya called and came to meet us. Told us about numerology (Lucy is prone to venereal disease). Went back and practiced presentation and had a Milo in the café.
Day 25 (Thur) Len tried for a hard egg again at breakfast - not happening. Gave Sandran his present - (for no response whatsoever!) Haliza wasn’t there again so I went upstairs to do MSK with Adi. Worked up a right faffatite. Did presentation (Jaya told me everything I’d done wrong in great detail). Was crowned Queen of faff, Len is the Princess, Lu the Duchess. Had pre-Friday ice cream. Went straight to Batu Caves (stone caves) coz it’s the night before ThaiPusam. Amazing - saw a guy with apples safety pinned to his back dancing around. Climbed 272 steps to top. Got train back to central market and met Jaya. Frantically shopped and went to see temple and chariot that leaves at 12.30 tonight on the long walk to Batu caves for the festival. Got given food and water on the street and all the restaurants were open to give free food. Jaya nearly killed us driving the wrong way on the highway. Went we got home we found our dresses were missing from our locked room - and first got confused and then pissed off!

Day 26 (Fri) Friday feeling at work! Worked on neuro - not doing a massive amount. Jaya drove us to the train station as the rain was insane and we got the train to LCCT (after a bit of confusion). Tried to not buy treats and finally got on the plane to Singapore. Met a stupid man with a box of chocolates taking up the whole luggage compartment. And got a taxi to our hostel. Met a girl called Tara in our room, an Australian pharmacy student doing placement there. She took us somewhere to buy a beer and we all sat outside and chatted. Well excited for the weekend!

Day 27 (Sat) Went to indoor shopping market thing in Bugis with Tara and shopped a bit frantically and all bought a lot of dresses. Came back and watched some of the ThaiPusam parade - was crazy, they had spikes right through their faces and hooks in their backs and were dragging chariots and kept leaning forward and doing a praying thing. Also walking on beds of nails. Got some free food and eventually went back to the hostel. Had a beer and we all had a little nap. Got ready and got the train to Chinatown. Insanely busy but really nice decorations for Chinese New Year. Eventually found a random little place to eat where we didn’t really know what we were supposed to be doing! You had a soup thing on the table and cooked whatever food you wanted. Cracked up at Adi’s face of pure pain at the spiciness and poor Len had to take one for the team and finish it all because there was a charge for wastage! Walked to Clarke Quay with Milo mcflurrys and it was insanely pretty there. The bridges changed color and everyone was sitting by the edge of the water. Went through the underpass and buskers sang Pretty Woman! Found a spot on the bridge, got beer and watched the fireworks, then a random stilt man/gymnastic act thing. Had a Durian bet on Lucy getting sweets - and she didn’t get any…gutted. Walked through complex of bars - saw The Clinic with wheelchairs and drips. Left to find Raffles hotel and ended up getting a comedy trishaw with the ‘crazy cab’ guy and racing through streets. Got to Raffles - sooo posh, slightly intimidating to walk in! Had Singapore sling for like 30 dollars and ate a lot of nuts and threw the shells on the floor. Live band with most amazing male and female singer. Liability French woman who’s birthday it was, insisting of dancing with Jerry the poor keyboard player. Danced to Amy Winehouse. Walked to theatres on the Bay (that looked like giant durian) singing American Pie and Brown Eyed Girl. Saw the Merlion, the symbol of Singapore. Got taxi home and crashed out!!

Day 28 (Sun) Woke up to our lovely random puking Chinese guy again. Went to Bodyworlds in the morning. Basketball player was cool and the bodys with all the nervous system and circulatory system. Amazing. Bus to Orchard Rd, where all the designer shops are. Mini faff to get food from bread shop. Attempted to walk but ended up sacking it and getting bus back. Little rest and got ready and bus to Sentosa Island in our new dresses. Got shuttle to beach and went to ‘the Shack’, realized we didn’t actually know who we were looking for. John came over and sat drinking Sol on the beach for most the night. Started to get all ideas about not wanting to be in England again and confused me for a bit. Got the bus back with roadies - just after Len tries to limbo the gate thing and fell over. Ran up down escalators. Went back to Clarke Quay - ran through fountains and Lucy fell over and we decided she broke her coccyx. Went to real posh bar and had cocktails. Back to Farrer park and had beers outside a restaurant till 3ish, sorting out Lucy and Johns love life.




Day 29 (Mon) Met English guy in morning in our room, when we were talking about how John is the love of our lives. Realized flight wasn’t actually till 4 so faffed and went for lunch. Taxi to airport - Singapore airports real nice. Lucy confesses she thought ‘having a mare’ was giving birth to a donkey. Hilarious horrible perves at train station asking ‘can I watch’ to our game of cards…Len almost got the rage. Back to YMCA, started to lose rag with reception who laughed at us when we told them they had nicked our clothes! Me and Lu went to Gandhi’s, and Ad did work.
Day 30 (Tue) had to go to health screening day at this company. Told everyone they had a very poor heart (coz the step up test was done completely wrong!) Day went nice and fast and went to Midvalley Megamall after. Longest shopping centre in SE Asia. Taxi to Bangsar, where the taxi driver BLATENTLY tried to rip us off! Dinner at WIP with Lens mates mate and her mate, the tallest women in the world. Real nice place and was lovely to have a bit of wine.
Day 31 (Wed) Jaya pulled Lucy’s leg off in a very unusually back assessment. Lauren and Lucy had an afternoon faffathon, and Lauren put lube on Lucy’s bum. Jaya took us out for a banana leaf lunch, it was brilliant, but sooo much food. Len had an actual mountain of rice. Jaya gave us a lift home and we yelled at the YMCS about our dresses. Went to aerobics and took photos and the instructor gave us presents!!! Went to Sunway after to get everyone presents and bought a photo book for Azlan. Len confessed she calls her bits ‘The Missus’. Came back and Adi was still working like a physio fiend.
Day 32 (Thur) Found money missing again at work, just before lunch. Told Haliza when Adi was preparing her presentation so that throughout it all there was a bit of a security drama going on. Nisha was not there in the PM and Lens Singapore dollars were retrieved so, it’s a bit more sorted. Lubed up Lucy in the PM again. Got ice cream and train.
Went straight to Central Market and did the most productive shopping yet. Bought everyone’s presents and stuff and got taxi back, as the rain was mental. Went straight to Gandhi’s and had supreme soup and chicken satays again.
Absolute madness when we got back. Lucy and I went to train station to get more shopping and Ad went to ask about missing dresses. Crazy Christian guy went mental at her and she was in tears when we returned. Spoke to super Jaya and he rushed round with his cousin. There was a bit of a palava/scene at reception and finally the guy apologized and arranged for us to meet manager tomorrow morning. Jaya and his cousin took us for a Te Tarik where we met another member of the Malaysian mob. Ended up going to make a statement at police station, with vaguely hot policeman. Delirious and gutted we didn’t manage to go to MOS with Azlan (it was too late) so when we got back ended up drinking schnapps and playing a drinking game of reading this diary.
Day 33 (Fri) Last day! Met with manager in the AM, with Jaya’s cousin. He ‘recovered’ my dress and Lu’s pashmina, albeit mysteriously. Never thought I’d see it again! Got train in to work and who was on the same carriage, but only bloody Nisha! She stared us out. Got to work about 11am, Nisha and Hannah and others were locked in office. Nice faff all morning and Hannah bought Nasi Eyam for everyone for lunch. Gave presents out. Sandran came in to say goodbye to us on his week off and I lubed up lucy again in the afternoon. Got caught by security when doing the video, they were running round the hospital with their radios saying “we’ve got them” - was hilarious (it was ok because it was for rehab purposes!). Finished at 5 but left a lot later after a massive photo session. Got mark after avoiding Haliza out of nervousness for ages! Got back and rushed to get ready and pack. Jaya arrived and was acting very mysteriously about not coming out with us. Eventually took us to Havamas (golden treasure) Square and met Yati. Had tappenyaki and Azlan, Masney, Will I am, Jow Jow, Mickey and Eta (with the cutest kid in the world) came. Masney gave us earrings an Azlan gave us mini Azlans. Left and went to Hard Rock Café. Life band playing - amazing, Lucy pulled love of her life! Danced and Azlan got taken out by rockers. Yati’s big toe = minging! Left and Jow Jow gave us the cutest cards EVER (we love him), Mickeys first time ever in a nightclub! Yati send us home and 3 hours later we arrived back at YMCA. Had half an hours sleep before we had to get up.
Day 34 (Sat) After minimal sleep travelled to Langkowi like zombies not saying a word to each other and sleeping whenever we had chance. Reggae bar for breakfast and found Mali best resort (£7 a night, right on the beach)! Booked island hoping for sun, decided against Koh Lipe (£60). Napped and then went to the beach. Restaurant for tea then irish bar then to the reggae bar for cocktails. Got harassed by annoying Canadian ‘Magicians’ who hated Swedish people. We all got the rage so went back to our room!
Day 35 (Sun) Island hoping, met HSBC burnt people. Lake island with the monkeys who tried to steal my bag, me and Ad had a little swim in the lake. Then onto Eagle island and the beach island. Lunch at malibest resort and to the beach for the rest of the day. Harrased by random Malaysian ‘Boom boom boom’ who ad stupidly told she didn’t have a boyfriend to! Parasailing - with the best landings ever, nose diving into the sea with Ad nearly drowning me and Len nearly drowning Lucy. Lucy amazing video camering skills! Took photos of our bizarre white patches. Dinner at fish restaurant - amazing. Walked to cashpoint and ended up at Reggae bar further up the beach avoiding ‘boom boom boom’ guy, Len hit the wall and fell asleep.
Day 35 (Mon) Got up and went to the cable car which was shut because of the wind. While we waited for it to open had an elephant, with elephant’s spinous process up your ass! Then went up cable car and Ad and Lucy got their wax hands! Back to the beach for the afternoon, harassed a bit again. Tested each other on Capital and len thought Lloret de Mar was the capital of Portugal! After the beach went straight to reggae place avoiding ‘Boom boom boom’ and had drink and watched the sunset. Real cute candlelit table and amazing guy, thai food was BEAUTIFUL. Did top 3’s of Malaysia! Walked back and got ready for our last night. Went out to see reggae band, with cute guy with John Lennon glasses, and germans on stage. Brilliant. Walked to Sunba, boys from Manchester, 911 and I got a feeling came on. Went to chill out bar and Adi fell asleep.
Day 36 (Tues) Majorly struggled in the morning and got the plane back to KL. Comical pilot “Pilot will tell you when better”. YMCA café and met manager who expected us to stay there again if we returned to Malaysia, very mistaken but we set him straight refurbishment or not we won’t set foot in there again! Len, Adi and me had blind massage, they cracked our necks and massaged our bums! Lucy went to check flight and slight panic because it had been changed to 10pm. Met Jow Jow, Azlan and the crew at Gandhis’s, Jaya and Yati also came. Had feast at Gandhi’s and then everyone came to KL sentral. Almost missed the bus and everyone waved us bye, such a lovely/sad sent off. Had a little cry on the bus. At the airport, repacking all our stuff and randomly Azlan and the crew turned up. Sooo sad saying goodbye again. Frantically ran round airport doing last minute shopping and then boarding the plane home all depressed about leaving and not looking forward to the journey ahead but excited to see everyone at home again.
Flight on the way home - The flight that seemed to take a lifetime from KL to Cairo but watched the proposal and all fell in love with Ryan Reynolds. In Cairo tried to find plug socket but were unsuccessful so sat on the floor and wasted a good few hours with Shithead. When we were boarding the plan some strange women who was having some sort of panic attack having ran to catch the plane, lucy and me assumed physio pose and helped her board the plane and not pass out! Met the 7 year old girl with major attitude who slapped lauren across the face and lucy threatened to throw her of the plane, majorly cute brother though. Len, Lu and me were all sat together but they randomly sat Adi on her own with 3 other randoms! Lu and Adi ended up sitting by this strange guy you continued to tell them how much he hated living in England and how horrible English people were! Got back to London and all went our separate ways!

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