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Published: April 15th 2008
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Escape from Singapore
A street in the Red Light District Its almost like it could be the plot of a really ill-planned b movie. You know, like the type that goes straight to video and never quite seems to hit theatres. Maybe like a Kurt Douglas flick that you think you have heard of, but when you rent and watch it, it becomes frighteningly apparent why you have never heard of it. This particular piece of cinematic wizardry might be called something like “Escape from Singapore: and any other big Malaysian city that looks similar to Singapore, but is a little dirtier and harder to get around”. I know, the title could use a little work, but so does the plot. So far, this is how it goes…
Two dirty and somewhat smelly travel bums from small town Wyoming, after traveling around some of the untouched South Pacific, find themselves thrown into the giant shopping mall that is Singapore. They find themselves in this unlikely situation a month and a half early all because of one’s inability to deal with an unfriendly strain of malaria, like a man. I don’t quite smell an Oscar, but stay with me here. I know, I know, you say that I could have picked
a seedier city for the travel bums to be thrust into, as Singapore has the reputation of being a squeaky clean and somewhat sedate city. It is. But, a city like L.A. or Islamabad, while a bit rougher around the edges, is nowhere near their intended destination. So deal with it, Singapore it is! Hey, it’s not like there is nothing exciting going on in Sing-a-ping, as the locals call it. In the story, our two heroes spend four days wandering around somewhat aimlessly, trying to figure out a way to get out and find food that doesn’t include fried pig intestines or curried fish heads (everything else is A-ok). Since they choose to stay in the cheapest hostel in the city, which just so happened to be smack in the middle of the red light district, other activities include dodging dim eyed hookers and meat cleaver wielding maniacs, trying to rob internet cafes and its patrons. Ill tell you, the action never stops in a city that only sleeps about half of every day.
The two decide to try and leave the city that has produced a kind of reverse culture shock in them, and find a new
Shadow
Thats the shadow of Mt. Kinebalu during sunrise. Not too bad. setting. Borneo seems like just the place where one could find a nice new strain of Malaria. After finding a bus that will take them to the Singapore/ Malaysian border, the two wander, somewhat obliviously, through a border crossing that is easier than a Singaporian Lady of the Night. Without much celebration the two find themselves in a city that is almost identical to the one they had just escaped. The two down home country boys are now in dire need of some open spaces and maybe just a little… popcorn chicken.
Ahh, a quick 3 hour flight has now landed our two fearless travelers in Kota Kinabalu, the main city in Sabah, Malaysian Borneo. Expecting Borneo to be like the National Geographic shows they have seen “back home” and having no idea what to really expect, the two find themselves in yet another city. An interesting observation about K.K. as its known: the KFC to person ratio is probably the highest anywhere in the world. Our characters notice that there seems to be one on every street corner and in every shopping center. An amazing feat that by itself, should sell the whole movie. K.K. being nothing to
Benn on Top
Summit of Lowe's Peak during Sunrise. write a blog home about, the two decide that hiking up the tallest mountain between the Himalayas and Mt. Wilhelm in PNG, would do wonders to clear the cobwebs.
Growing up in Wyoming, its rare to climb a mountain and find anybody else on top at all. The two will quickly find out that mountain hiking in Borneo is a bit different. When scrambling up the near vertical staircase to the summit of Mt. Kinabalu, one can tell himself with certainty, that he will be going to a place where only about a hundred completely inexperienced, out of shape, wheezing people per day, have gone before him. Not exactly like Star Trek. This is most certainly accomplished by having all the luxuries of a sparse hotel waiting for you at 11,000ft. Split between two days, even the least experienced, flip flop wearing Chinese tourist will feel comfortable enough to give it a shot. Why not have our two out of shape heroes give it a try? Easily getting fed up will all of the people, one of our main characters will decide to go to the summit all in one day, illegally (apparently) skirting a locked gate to keep
Porters
One of the many porters that carry every last thing up to 11,000ft for our lazy arses. people from ascending the “dangerous” part of the mountain. He will find the peace that can be found while standing on the top of any mountain and having no one else in sight.
Okay, fast forward through the slow bits…jungles, Orang Utans , orange space juice, lots of watered down Asian beer, and Ekspres Bas rides through unending palm oil plantations. Our bleary eyed and somewhat stiff travelers will now find themselves in a pleasantly real feeling Malaysian town. Semporna is a little town on the East coast of Sabah where the local population seems to either be substance fisherman or the salesman of said fish. A large section of the population live in stilt villages built entirely over the coral reefs or off any one of the many outlying islands. It is definitely quite a sight and neither of our travelers has ever seen such a thing. Oh, but its not the stilt villages or the great deals on any of the kinds of sugar covered bread products that bring our travelers to Semporna. Its more that it is the jumping off point to the island of Sipidan, supposedly one of the five greatest dive sights in the
world. Our travelers are lured here by the promise of schools of thousands of Barracuda, sharks galore, and what has been referred to as (no joke) turtle orgies. With promises like that, how could our up and coming dive bums resist? One problem. The place is so famous that the park service requires visitors to reserve a dive spot a month in advance. That is just not an option with most self respecting travelers. After a few days of trying to steal a spot in the famed Sipidan boat, our two heroes will have to take on two entirely new identities. Aaron has now become Matthew Drury, and English chap who is in Semporna to become a dive master. But it Benn’s destiny to become something much more interesting….dangerous. General Michael Killroy VonBeergut is an English double agent who’s interests include, other than breaking up drug smuggling rings and killing bad guys, diving world-class dive sights and drinking Tang… Check out the next installment to see how or fearless travelers will fare in Sarawak, the other Malaysian state in Borneo.
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