leaving Laos vegas

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I spent two nights in Vientiane, the capital of Laos. After settling into the Riverside Hotel we enjoyed a few riverside beers and spring rolls. After a quick walking tour of the river we sat down and enjoyed some Pizza while looking out across the river to Thailand. Paddling through the setting sun was a team of dragon boats struggling against the current. After dinner, Magee and I went to a local bar and pool hall where we quickly found ourselves outnumbered. We werent exactly the minority, the place was full of old white men, but we were surrounded by Laos prostitutes. To escape the piranha like ladies, we put our names on the board to play some pool.

You win you stay on the table, you lose you pay 2000 kip (20 cents). First game I played, I lost to a seven foot Australian coal miner named Stretch. The second game I played, I lost to a 5 foot tall asian prostitute. The third game I got moved to another table where some asian mafia looking dude in sunglass was taking down everyone he played. In a heated battle though, I took him down in a game that lasted much longer than pool games should, but with the prostitutes around me chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!" I came up victorious.

After telling basically every girl in the bar that we wanted to go home alone and that we needed need a ride on their motorbikes, we took off. We met up with our guide Brandon who took us to a Hotel where apparently the nightlife continued in the usually quiet Laos...nothing was quiet about this place. Not the prostitutes, not the 'lady-boys', and not the music - but it was a blast. We stuck around eachother for the most part to avoid the packs of maneaters and took in the scene - very easy to do when youre 10 inches taller then every other person on the dance floor. Somehow in the same span of 30 seconds I knocked over a bottle of champagne, Brandon got tackled by security guards for dancing on a table we tore Magee away from the lady-boy he was dancing with and we decided to call it a night.

After awkwardly riding an elevator 24 flights down with half a dozen or so ladies we spent the night rejecting, Magee and I were welcomed by our favorite Laos delicacy - banana crepes. Brandon took off at some point (and we later heard he was followed through the streets by two men carrying AK-47's on their backs) and left us to our delicious treats. But now we didnt have a ride home. Enter: two asian prostitutes on motorbikes. There really was no other option, so I hopped on and took off into the night sitting behind a lady half my size on a crotch-rocket.

"Where you hotel?"

To hell if I was going to tell her where I was staying, that just wouldnt really have given her the best idea about how the night was to pan out. Magee was worried about the same and told his biker chick to follow mine. After a quick tour of the city I asked to be left off back by the river where I could walk back alone. The bikes came to a halt together and Magee and I paid the ladies for their time, the ride and nothing more, then fell asleep watching the Red Sox take down the Indians in game 5.


Our second day in Vientiane was far less eventful. We walked around, found a place with chicken sandwiches and pumpkin soup and refueled. From there we walked around visiting some of the local textiles and rug shops, watching women meticulously weave wonders. Then, hearing shouts from the National Stadium we went in search of a soccer game or whatever else the stadium was offering. As it turned out the stadium was filled with nearly a thousand people in plain clothes marching around the field as some sort of rehearsal for a marching band type procession. They waved their pretend flags and tiptoed and skipped around the field as we sat back and laughed along.

After that we stopped for some fresh juice - I went with star fruit, mango, and guava - on our way back to the hotel to meet up with the group. After dinner we ended the night as all nights should end, with banana pancakes before heading to bed on the early side.

Our last night in Laos was spent in a small village on the border of Vietnam. Magee and I hired a local guy to take us down the river on his boat to watch the sun set. The boats in the village were made out of B-52 fuel shells and lawnmower-esque motors. During the Vietnam war Laos was considered an ok place for planes to drop all unwanted/uneccessary goods before flying home. After a meal of traditional Laos dishes we (all the guys in the group) on the floor of the village house.

At four a.m. I woke up to a rooster that might as well have been in the house, and got ready for our last day in Laos. We ate some breakfast and then took off for the border..

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