Discovering my raison d’être in Vang Vieng....

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Though I had whinged about the slow, winding drive between Vang Vieng and Luang Prabang on the overnight bus north, I realised with the benefit of daylight on the way down that the stretch is one of the most spectacular drives one could hope for. Clinging to steep cliffs for most of the way, it was a bit like a Great Ocean Road through a breathtaking mountain range. So good were the views that I soon forgot about the inconvenience and discomfort of having thirteen people and their luggage squeezed into a twelve seater minibus. It was great to be able to stretch my legs upon arrival.

Having not seen Greg and Gem for a week, I was looking forward to meeting up with them for a last hurrah. Though they weren’t due in town until at least the following day, I half expected that, like me, they would have quickly tired of Vientiane and done an early runner. Sure enough, there was an email waiting for me telling me where they were staying. Rather than going straight to their place to find them, I took a near risk-free gamble and guessed that they would be in one of Vang Vieng’s famous (or infamous) ‘TV bars’ watching Friends (they are both big fans). Sure enough, I found them after about five minutes of searching.

Apparently Vang Vieng was once known for its opium dens. While I don’t doubt that there is still a little bit of it floating around town, Westerners now feed another opiate addiction when they pass through: television. The whole main street is lined with restaurant/bars playing non-stop marathons of Friends, Seinfeld, The Simpsons and Family Guy from the moment they open till the second they close. Though for a while I tried to fight it, it had been months since I had seen any Simpsons and, worryingly, I was starting to break out of the condition whereby I am reminded of a classic moment by almost anything that ever happens to me or is ever said to me. I needed a fix badly. Adding to the allure was the fact that they were screening the latest series, most of which I hadn’t seen. I made a pact with myself that so long as I never let TV get in the way of some active outdoor pursuit, I could forget about reading anything for the next week and spend all my downtime staring at a screen giggling.

Without a doubt, Vang Vieng’s most famous outdoor activity is the tubing down the Nam Song River. This basically involves renting a tire tube, driving about 4kms upsteam on a tuk-tuk and then floating back into town over a period of four or more hours. Almost the whole way down the river is lined with ‘float-in’ bars belting out music (which added a party atmosphere but somewhat destroyed the serenity). The best part about the bars were the ‘swings’ they had over the river, either Tarzan style or flying-fox style. While some looked to have a pretty perilous drop-zone (including one with rocks clearly visible about half a metre below the surface), the biggest and best one was over a wide, deep stretch of the river. At about 10m in height, my heart was fluttering a bit when I took the plunge, but thankfully I stuck the landing and avoided the belly flop or back whacker. I witnessed a number of other thrill-seekers who were less fortunate in that regard.

The tubing itself was brilliant, although with so many others on the river it lacked the wild, untamed feel of tubing down the Mekong at Don Det. I think I have now gone beyond being just a guy who likes tubing. I now like to see myself as a genuine, fully-fledged tubing enthusiast, and intend on joining some sort of tubing club or society when I arrive home. If such an organisation does not exist then I will be a pioneer and evangelist, spreading the tubing gospel far and wide. If the Victorian state government keeps its promise to make the Yarra safe for swimming, I intend to be the first to set up a tubing business from Dight’s Falls to Southgate. Though highly seasonal, I think it could be lucrative. If I ever achieve any degree of fame and/or fortune, I will definitely combine my passion for this activity with philanthropy, and tube the length of the Nile or Amazon to both raise money for charity, and promote awareness of tubing. I’d have to brave crocs and piranhas respectively, but what an adventure it’d be!

Still entertaining fantasies of converting the world to tubing that night, we headed along to a ‘Full Moon Party’ at the ‘Smile Bar’ on an island on the Nam Song River. Though it wasn’t exactly the ten thousand plus attendance extravaganza of its better known namesake on Koh Pha Ngan, they did serve cheap buckets and crank out some great non-techno tunes. Aside from the scale, probably the biggest difference from the all-night-and-all-morning Koh Pha Ngan affair was the fact that we were given our marching orders soon before midnight. At that point everyone streamed back into town where absolutely everything was closed. Though I’d been in Laos for over two weeks by that stage I was still unaware that under Lao law no bars are allowed to stay open beyond midnight anywhere in the country. I actually didn’t mind that at all cos it meant that I could get a good night’s sleep without worrying that I might be missing out on some fun somewhere.

Feeling active the next day we rented bikes and rode to some caves 15kms or so out of town. I’d never done any spelunking before and was quite surprised to see how far there particular caves extended. There were five of us and two guides, and only four operational torches between us. This made it quite difficult and, more to the point, perilous. It didn’t make matters any easier that I was wearing thongs either. Despite all this the caves were pretty cool, and I would have been tempted to go the extra 2kms deeper possible in the second cave if I was adequately equipped. The long ride back to town topped off a long and active day, and I felt as though I’d earned the six or seven Simpsons episodes I watched that night.

With more to see in the beautiful surrounds of Vang Vieng, we were lazy the next time and ditched the bikes for motorbikes. While we had grand plans for the day mapped out, they were laid to waste when we came across a huge chunk of limestone which had broken off a karst and blocked the way. One of the Lao guys on the scene managed to get the message across to us that they were about to blow the rock up to clear the way, so we had to turn back. We checked out another cave further back which turned out to be quite an ordeal at the time. There were parts no more than 30-40cm high, where the only way to get through was to lie on your stomach and slide, pulling yourself along with your hands. It was ten times worse than any of the tunnels in Vietnam, and Gem had a bit of a panicked moment at one stage. Though I did all I could to comfort her, it was all somewhat to my advantage insofar as it distracted me and prevented the onset of my own claustrophobia attack.

Thankfully it didn’t occur to me until we were safely outside that they were dynamiting only a km or two away while we were deep inside the cave squeezing through impossibly narrow gaps. Though we passed a few more caves as we explored some more of the limestone karsts later in the day I wasn’t even remotely tempted to leave the comfort and safety of the wide open outdoors. We did find a fluorescent turquoise natural pool on a creek nearby, and a dip in that was exciting enough for me. After that, since Greg and Gem’s rear tire had already punctured once and was going flat again, we decided to call it a day.

My farewell to Greg and Gem over the next day and a half was marred by a nasty case of the runs, the source of which remained unidentified (though Gem had her theories). Thinking it best to just do as we always did, we played a lot of cards. During that time it struck me that never before, and probably never again in my life had I spent or would I spend every day and night for almost two and a half months (barring a six day hiatus) with two people, and then have to wave goodbye to them knowing that it could be many years until our next meeting. My word we had some great times and saw and did some great things together. Having to deal with that, along with the prospect of a sixteen hour bus trip while still fighting the runs, wasn’t one of the highlights of my travels but a character building experience all the same.

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Photos

My new favourite hobby
HJT cruising down the Nam Song River

Are you insured?
HJT about to take the plunge

Now this was fun
HJT on one of the swings over the Nam Song River

I think my coinslot is showing
HJT hanging on to the rope but losing his strides

What a way to pass the time
We did this for 3kms and four hours

Can you guys gimme a hand?
Greg and Gem in one of the caves

It's dark in here
HJT in one of the caves

I'm glad to be getting out of here
HJT just after the narrowest part of the narrowest cave

Some friendly cave wildlife
I wasn't game to pat him

Getting back to nature
HJT cooling off in a waterhole

Scenery around Vang Vieng
These limestone karsts were everywhere

The best name I've seen for a guesthouse
The owners weren't overly friendly or openly hostile, but somewhere in between