Will the real Laos please stand up?

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Luang Prabang (continued) 31–3 February

Vientiane, 3–4 February

Our first full day in Luang Prabang saw us riding round on the motorbike to try and find a new hotel. Ours was absolutely filthy and the worst place we had stayed in the whole trip (when you end up cleaning your teeth on the balcony as the bathroom is too dirty, you know it may be best to move on). After we found a lovely little guesthouse in the centre of town, we had breakfast in a French bakery (one of many scattered around the area) and settled down at an outside table to do some good old-fashioned people-watching. But it was strange. We just did not like the town and couldn't feel any sort of connection towards it. It no longer felt like we were in Asia. White people outnumbered locals ten to one. Every restaurant was French. It didn't feel exotic or foreign, it just felt really flat. When we did meet the locals, nobody was welcoming or friendly in the manner we have become so used to. They just seemed really hostile and like they would rather we had never come in the first place. Then there were the backpackers. I have never seen so many backpackers in my life, crammed into one tiny place. We saw group after group of identik wavy-blonde-haired girls in leggings, flipflops and loose T-shirts alongside Fulham Road-style guys in rugby tops with sunglasses and chinos. This was clearly one of the chosen flashpacker destinations in Asia.

We spent the day riding around the town and on the winding road that stretched all the way around past the Mekong and Nam Kham rivers. The roads in LP were very clean, very green and very attractive, lined with cafes, bars and chill-out restaurants with big colourful cushions, pool tables, overflowing bookshelves and long lists of organic drinks. It was like a hippy haven – there were so many people with dreadlocks in big, baggy trousers, lounging around in the cafes, reading novels and sipping elderflower tea. It rained for two of the three days we were there which may have explained quite why the warm and cosy book/coffeeshops looked so inviting but it just felt a bit forced and as if everything had been created purely for the tourists. On our first night, we ate dinner at a French place and reminded ourselves just what Western food tastes like. Turns out, it was very heavy and strangely unfamiliar after such a short time, and we found ourselves slightly confused and asking each other, "Why is it not spicy?" "Why am I so full after two bites?"

Over the next couple of days, we visited a temple on the outskirts of the town, sampled many of the gorgeous riverside cafes and ate the best breakfast of our entire trip at a place called Rivertop Cafe in a place run by a Connecticut-born woman who had employed only street children or those who were desperately in need. One of her employees was a 22-year-old girl, who had just one child of her own but another 12 children (yes, really) who she had taken in and fostered. She told us her story while we drank coffee (Laos has the best coffee I have ever tasted) and ate huge bagels smothered in cream cheese, followed by fresh, exotic fruit soaked in honey and yoghurt. Mmm. That night, we went to a sports bar to watch the Arsenal match and faced a bit of a situation (shall we say) when the bar went to close at 11.30pm to meet curfew... 15 minutes before the match finished. Woe betide the person who stands between C and a football game. Thanks to a man right outside the bar in a tuk tuk and a really fast live stream connection in our guesthouse, we caught the end of the game and saw Arsenal win.

The next day, we walked all around exploring and then climbed the 328 steps up Phou Si Hill (very, very hot) to the Wat Chom Si temple that looked out over the town, the jungle and the mountains beyond. The walk up was stunningly beautiful, with the pathway snaking its way up the hillside just smack in the middle of LP. The handrails that adorned the stairs were shaped into serpents with ornate, detailed and brightly coloured decoration and golden Buddhas nestled in the grass all the way to the top, gleaming in the sunshine. It was lovely at the top but as the sunset drew closer, it was so packed with tourists that it lost the charm so we watched the sun set as we made our way back down the steps. We came out the other entrance to the temple, which just happened to be in the middle of the night market as it opened.

The next evening, we had our flight to catch to Vientiane. We headed for the airport and caught what I can only say was the most terrifying flight of my life. It was a bit like Airplane! but real life. The plane was a tiny Fokker jet (which just so happened to be the same type of plane that had crashed in Burma a few weeks before) which held about 35 people. It felt a bit like we were in a slightly rickety large car and as we took off it actually strained to leave the ground and then seemed to just hover in the air as we rose. Then it levelled out far too early and we carried on moving in an extremely unnerving way. I was slightly freaking out and saying to C, "Why is the engine so loud?" then "Why is the engine so quiet?" When we landed, he turned round to me and said: "Thank f*ck for that!" "What?!" I asked, confused. He had seemed completely calm the entire flight. "I was absolutely bricking it the entire flight!" he said. "I didn't want to tell you as you would have freaked out." Bless.

We then had a few hours in Vientiane which was, as C summed it up, "marginally more interesting than a car park." We had been told by everyone we met – Laotians and Westerners alike – that Vientiane was nothing special so we weren't too disappointed and the next day, we were heading back to Thailand. We sat in the back of a tuk tuk to Thanaleng, the rail terminal just outside of Vientiane, got stamped out of Laos then caught a very battered old train over the border into Nong Khai, Thailand.

When our passports got stamped, I can safely say we breathed a huge sigh of relief. Goodbye Laos, hello Thailand. And then we had our 12-hour train journey down to Bangkok, where we were to transfer straight to the airport to some remote islands and much-desired sunshine. And what a journey it was.

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