Advertisement
Published: June 13th 2010
Edit Blog Post
In Laos, young people are expected to get married. Many young people get married just because they are pressured to, not necessarily because they feel they’ve found some right person. And as soon as a couple is married, they are expected to start trying to conceive. A childless couple is looked at as an oddity, as defective. There is little excuse not to have children. Lao people think it’s bizarre that foreigners in their twenties and thirties are often unmarried and childless. How could you not want to get married and have children? For men, it’s really no big thing, as marriage does not mean fidelity. Married men are almost expected to have a regular girlfriend on the side. A "mia-noy", meaning "little-wife" is a commonly heard word around here, referring to a married man's girlfriend. But if you ask a married man if his wife can have a boyfriend, he’ll say the equivalent of “hell, no”. There is very much a double standard about extra-marital relations. Most married men are actually terrified of their wives taking on a boyfriend, and thus tend to be over protective of their wives. Wives sometimes have boyfriends on the side, but they have to
be extra secretive about it. But extra-marital relations are rarely a reason for divorce. They're basically a normal part of marriage here.
Very poor couples with too many children will pass their children on to other couples they know that don’t have a child. Although premarital sex is severely frowned upon, if a woman does become pregnant, she and the father are often forced in to marriage. And often the wedding will be held off until the baby is born, so a joint baby/wedding party can be had, to save on costs. And the wedding must be held after the one month initial home period after birth, where both the mother and the baby must sit inside by the fire for an entire month, resting and drinking herbal tea. Imagine if you had your child in the middle of the hot season, and it was 110 everyday! You’d still have to sit by the fire for one month. It does seem to enhance the health of mother and child, this forced rest. The mother receives a great deal of familial support; she is constantly surrounded by female family members taking care of her and the baby, and ensuring she
does nothing but rest.
Sometimes you’ll visit a village here and be delighted to be introduced to a pet monkey. This monkey will be an adorable little furry creature, hopping about the backyard, with a rope tied to his neck so he can’t run off. Sometimes these monkeys are wild creatures, and sometimes they are energetic but sweet animals. Most seem to be quite attached to their human families. Sometimes, as I’ve mentioned before, people will try to sell you their monkeys. Sometimes, people will tell you stories about pet monkeys. They’ll say things like, “Baby monkeys are good, but adult monkeys are naughty. Because if you don’t feed adult monkeys they will burn down your house. It happened to me.” These stories are concerning, for a number of reasons.
As a foreigner, when I see a monkey, I want it. I think, oh what fun it’d be to have a pet monkey, how can I get one? Well, if you go to a village and ask for a monkey, they might be able to get you a monkey. Perhaps they will already have a monkey, and they will be willing to sell it to you. Or, they
will head off to the jungle, to where monkeys are living, and they will find a monkey family, kill the monkey parents, and then bring you the baby monkey. This is how people end up with pet monkeys. I was disturbed by this too.
The parent monkeys are killed to eat, and the baby monkeys are taken in and raised by a human family. The baby monkeys are never just found alone in the jungle. No. They are alone because their future human families have killed and eaten their monkey families. it’s a but upsetting and strange. Why wouldn’t the hunters just eat the babies too? But most people in town generally say that they don’t eat monkeys, only people living in some villages do. You don’t see monkeys for sale in the market in town. Like I mentioned before, you do see snakes, lizards, eels, fish, jungle cats, frogs, buffalos, pigs, chickens and ducks for sale in the markets in town. But never monkey meat or live baby monkeys. At least I never thought it was monkey meat.
Most Lao think living alone is a bit odd and antisocial. Why would you want to live alone? You’d
be lonely. You’d have to do all the work by yourself. Who would you eat with? Who would you sleep with? Even when Lao are living in a small house with ten relatives, they’d still rather that than live alone. The celebration of individuality above all else in America doesn’t exist here. There is a strong sense of community and family, and after that there’s some space for individual efforts. Lao never travel alone unless they have to, say for work, or for school. If you told a Lao person you’d give them money to travel alone, they’d probably say no, that‘d be too scary and no fun. Lao people never eat alone, unless they have to, say they’re away at work or school and don’t know anyone. Even then, they’d probably make quick friends, and have people to eat with. The idea of doing things alone is just not fun for the Lao. Admittably, many Westerns also would prefer to always have a companion. But there are many Westerners who enjoy their freedom, appreciate being able to do things alone. The Lao aren’t like that. At least not yet.
More often than not, if you ask a Lao
on a date, they’ll come with one or two friends. If you’re invited to their home to eat, it’ll never be just the two of you. Lao are loyal to their families and will almost always help them out. Even if a Lao is living in a small cement room, they would never turn down their brother and their brother’s wife if they need a place to stay. In America, I think most people would just say no, that’s not possible. But I don’t think Lao every say that. They’re used to making due, making things stretch, accommodating, always having extra food at each meal in case a guest shows up. And really, I think after being here for awhile, you feel the same way. It’s lonely to live alone. Why would I want that? You’d have to eat alone. And sleep alone!
Advertisement
Tot: 0.038s; Tpl: 0.011s; cc: 6; qc: 24; dbt: 0.0192s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1.1mb
Brenna
non-member comment
Yeah Monkey\
I luff your cute baby monkey photo's!!! xoxo