Come fly with me (not a good idea)

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I have to be careful about what I say when it comes to flying; I flew to Spain on my own when I was seventeen and was sat next to a forty year old night club owner and made the slight slip of the tongue saying “I hate going up but I don’t mind going down” he found this absolutely hilarious and then was a bit of a perve for the rest of the trip to the point that on my flight home, one of the airhostesses (who I coincidently knew from ice skating) came and apologised to me for not moving me!



I suppose what I meant to say was that take off scares the hell out of me and I don’t open my eyes until the seat belt signs go off, you know you’re safe in the journey when the air hostesses are walking around but, as soon as they stop it’s possible that shit’s hit the engine fans. I don’t particularly enjoy the journey although I’ve found the beer has helped slightly and I panic every time the tannoy beeps for them to make an announcement (this really isn’t helped by the fact that I don’t get to hear anything in English until the message has been relayed in both Cantonese and Japanese so I’m just judging whether or not something bad has happened by the look on the other passengers’ faces until the pilot has put me out of my misery.



When we first boarded the plane there was steam / smoke / something that I’m sure shouldn’t have been there, coming out of the walls which obviously freaked me out but no one else seemed to mind. There was also a huge clunking noise followed by a high pitched squealing very shortly after we left the ground but again I was the only one who seemed to notice and considering we must now be three quarters of the way through our journey then it can’t have been that big a deal.



I’m sat next to a Japanese woman and her daughter who introduced herself as Dina, obviously she looks older than me but she is sixteen years old and is sat diligently doing her English homework after her and her mother finally managed to explain to me that they had spent the last four days at Hong Kong Disneyland- they seemed to have enjoyed their time even if my guidebook slated it. The mother is now fast asleep after our lunch and her can of beer, although I fear I am probably glowing more than she is at this point.



Lunch was a peanut-free carbohydrate fest of bread, rice, noodles and a bit of salmon thrown in to mix things up a bit, for dessert they served the same horrible sweet tofu that our last school gave us all as a leaving gift. Bless the airhostess, I had sent an e-mail to the airline reservation office last week listing my numerous allergies but they didn’t seem to know anything about it, instead I was served first and they offered me a discount on any future flight- I declined as it’s highly unlikely I’ll be flying with Hong Kong Airlines again in the near future, I feel I should have maybe taken the opportunity to ask for an upgrade to first class (a la Miss Dew).



The only entertainment on the flight is the small overhead TV screens with no sound but Japanese subtitles, they currently appear to be showing an advert for a different airline, great market technique there and showing two men having a meal on the London Eye- why they don’t want to just stay on the ground is beyond me.



Anyway, I think we should be landing within the next hour so I’ll stop boring you and do something useful like filling in my customs declaration form or maybe finding my passport amongst this mess would be a better idea…

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