Ice Cube's Lament

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A couple of days ago, I had a pretty rough day. It all started Wednesday night when I brought in the laundry. A couple of bees hitchhiked in on our clothes, and you know how I feel about bees. Jen and I devised a plan of attack. Swatting is not an option unless the bees land low, but they tend to stay up high beyond our reach. We decided to spray them with water to make their wings heavy so they would come down. After about 15 minutes our apartment was soaking wet and the bees were still flying high. Finally, Jen managed to capture them and set them free. She is like the Steve Irwin of bees. That fiasco consumed about 45 minutes at the end of a very long day. We got to bed late, and I woke up to the blaring alarm at 7 AM. We both usually teach afternoons, so 7 AM hurts. But I had a meeting in Tokyo so I had to rise.

It was a cold day, but we are used to that. Oh how we miss Florida weather! The train ride was long and crowded and kinda smelly. The meeting at work was pointless and dull to the point of a migraine. Then I had to go teach. Because of the meeting time, I got to my school about 3 hours early. It was then I realized my mistake. In the US, I hardly ever carry money. I just use my check card or go to the ATM. Here, NO ONE takes visa or mastercard or anything, and our ATM cards only work in post office ATM machines for some reason we still don't understand.

I checked my pockets. I had 240 yen. I needed 380 for the bus ride to the school and back to the train station. Since I had 3 hours, I started checking the change return slots in public phone booths. I actually found 10 yen. But not enough. So I hunted for a post office. No luck. Now I work at five different schools: one for each work day of the week (which is 5 times the opportunity for me to get lost). The previous times I had been at this school, the owner had always given me a ride back to the train station. So having no other choice, I hopped the bus and went to school.

By this time, I was pretty tired, and when I'm tired, my Tennessee accent shows. When teaching, I strive for a generic accent. But before I knew it my students were saying "bildin" for "building" and "saiee" for "see." I was genuinely horrified. They sounded like little Japanese Jeff Foxworthys. I tried to correct the damage, but they didn't understand. Next week I'm going to teach them about grits and NASCAR.

After class the owner said, "Bye!" and I said an expletive as I would have to get to the train station on my own. So what to do? I thought about just asking him to borrow the money, but he only speaks a little English, and the rules of social conduct here are so varied I just decided to hop the bus and pay what I had and hope for the best. So I got on the bus and we took off. I went up front to ask the driver if we were going to the train station, because I have learned it pays to be sure, even though I was positive this bus was indeed going to the train station. It was the #1 bus and the #1 bus goes to the train station. Well guess what? There are 2 number 1 buses. The driver brought the bus to a screeching halt and pointed me off the bus. He then tried to make me pay. I told him no way was I paying for getting on the wrong bus. I am fairly certain he then cursed me out in Japanese.

The bus sped off into the night. I looked around and had no idea where I was. It was dark and cold. Suddenly: a taxi! I happily hailed him even though they get away with highway robbery here as evidenced by this article. I held up my Visa card with a questioning look and he shook his head and drove away. After some aimless ambling, I stumbled into a book store and asked for help. The two women working there spoke no English, but using charades, I asked if they could call me a taxi that took Visa. They made a couple of calls and then shook their heads no. I asked them if they could give me directions to the train station so I could walk there, and they said no no no no bus! Meaning the station was far. Believe me, I knew that, but there was no other choice. I asked them if the bus took Visa, and they said no. Then they opened the cash register and gave me bus fare. I protested mightily, insisting I could walk. But they insisted right back. They were very nice. So if you ever see a poor foreigner in need of aid, please help me pass it on. It was truly a cross-cultural after-school special moment.

So I made it back to the station for the 45 minute ride home. I was so wound up I walked all the way from the front of the train to the back to help pass the time. It takes about six minutes. The last time I did that the train took a curve a little too sharp and I wound up in some old man's lap. My walk this time passed without incident.

By the time I got home, I had been gone almost 16 hours. Walking up to the door of our apartment, I reflected that even though I hadn't had to use my AK, it had been a pretty rotten day. But then I went in and Jen gave me a hug and it begin to get decidedly better. And then I realized that the day was so bad because I had such a long string of great ones behind me to compare it to. And on the cosmic balance sheet, that's not too bad at all.

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Comments

[Dom]

Hi I enjoyed your 'lament' alot. It made me laugh out loud!