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Day 60: Thanks Amy Lian
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 7:45am: I wake up late again and got ready in a hurry.
8:00am: I left for school.
9:00am: I made it on time in my classroom.
9:15am: Class started with a quiz. We learned how to say “just” like in “I just came to Japan.” We also learned how to modify nouns with verbs like “the person who wearing a red shirt.”
10:45am: Class ended. I felt a negative feeling…as if Candy was the only one who wanted to listen and talk to me. Do people not like me? Am I annoying? I decide to be quiet.
11:00am: Class started with new kanji. Then, we learned how to do “small talk” conversations.
12:30pm: Class ended. My feelings got hurt that everyone plays a “joke” on me. Candy was busy to go to lunch with me. Frank “jokes” that he was “second choice” friend. Amy does the same “joke” as “third choice” friend when I asked her if she wanted to go to lunch. Was it a joke? I said that I can go by myself. But in reality, my feelings were crushed that no one
could see how lonely I was. I started to think…no one cares… I walked around by myself. I couldn’t help but think that my feelings were in pain.
I walked…and I see Eileen, Kyle, Jordan, and Christie. I hide my feelings and ask if I can join them. They seemed enthusiastic. I bought a tamago bento from store. I’m glad that I was with people.
1:30pm: Everyone went to the library. I was sleepy, but I needed to take out money. So, I left everyone to go to Shinjuku to find Citibank. I had that feeling of about to cry. I shrugged it off and went to Shibuya.
2:30pm: I never found Citibank. Instead, I just used my credit card to buy a kanji dictionary and “Dirty Japanese” book to teach me Japanese slang.
3:15pm: I made it to my history class. I fell asleep.
4:45pm: Class ended. I ran out of class. No one wants to talk to me anyway. Then, I see Amy Lian. She invites me to come along with her to get crepes. I hope she cares about me.
5:00pm: When Amy and I were eating crepes, I realized that
she did care about me. I accidentally started to cry and said somewhere along the lines of “I thought no one cared about me…” I told her that I try so hard to appear cheerful and to still tell people how sensitive and lonely I feel. Yet, people joke at me and don’t hang out with me. Some don’t even respond to my messages of “How was your day?” I was embarrassed for crying… But I felt like I was in a deep empty well and no one seemed to care that I was in it.
6:30pm: I ate dinner, did my homework, and went to sleep.
I need someone who is IN JAPAN…who will stop my loneliness, who truly cares about me.
Note: Times are approximate. Details may be inaccurate and vague because I wrote this on Monday, May 18, 2009. If you want a postcard/letter from me, please send me your address in a private message.
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