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Published: February 4th 2012
I wrote this blog during a ten hour stopover from Sulawesi in Bali when I zipped out of the airport to pass some time. As I had a meal and watched the late afternoon crash into evening I started people watching.
She pedalled amongst the traffic of Kuta's tourist heart, Matahari Square, a straw hat shading her 60 something face, chin proudly tilted in that head held high bucket list manner so artfully bought to the attention of women around the world who were eating, loving and praying. Busy finding themselves after raising the family and seeing the kids off down the aisle returning to an empty nest and a novel turned chick flick that gave them permission to go live "the dream". Was she looking for something? What was it that bought her here that she couldn't find in her 'real' life?
As she glided off into the distance I ordered lunch and eavesdropped on the gaggle of women in their 40s chugging down espresso martinis at the table behind me. Tina had apparently found her Kuta Cowboy at Bubba Gump Shrimp last night with some Swiss bimbo with terrible breast implants and the Botox freeze. Christ, she had been sending him money and they had skyped every night...how the hell could he do this to her? Now it was over with Wayan what was she going to do with her tickets for April? Never mind darl' another woman reassured her, the Kuta Cowboys were a dime a dozen..they would head out tonight and hit the Bounty Bar where the Kuta Cowboys were as plentiful as the ephedrine selling bouncers. A Kuta cowboy is a young Balinese man who enters into a long distance relationship with usually several older divorced women at one time, carefully juggling the timing of their cash happy lady visitors who didn't mind sending a few dollars back to help their young lovers. Of course the Kuta Cowboys declare their undying love for the western goddess and some even hit the jackpot..marriage and a visa. I tuned out of their conversation as poor Tina was lamenting how fantastic in bed young Wayan was and began eavesdropping on the three families at the next table.
Big mamma as I thought of her was holding court - the other couples must have been Bali Virgins. Her enthusiasm for the island was boundless, she was on her 16th visit. That afternoon she and Wayne were going to look into buying a place in Seminyak so, you know, they didn't have to pack and unpack each trip...but they would miss the Mercure all the staff new them by name and they had the same rooms very time. They had a great real estate agent from A big reputable Aussie company, Roy Western. Of course an Australian company could take care of it all and make it so much easier. Big Mamma suggested Waterbom Park as a teeth wetter while she and Wayne ducked off to do some business. The kids would LOVE Waterbom, and then there's the monkey forest tour, Ubud - and Big Mamma apparently held some sway because..if they were lucky..and she could get hold of her agent..they could meet the REAL Ketut from Eat, Pray, Love! Lots of impressed oohs and ahhhs while Big Mamma reeled off the to do list. Elephant park, Tanah Lot at sunset followed by dinner on the beach at Jimbaryn Bay..and Big Mamma knew the exact restaurant a scene from Eat, Pray, Love was filmed. What the fuck is it with this movie?
Cheap air fares and a Julia Roberts movie have given a very very well worn tourist trail a whole new set of authentic experiences just in time to keep the flights coming when Bali was on the brink of becoming too familiar. Balinese do tourism well, perhaps better than the rest of Indonesia. They build hotels that cater to the needs of theirbiggest markets - western tourists...and perhaps most of all, the Aussie in Bali. We like swim up bars, 24 hr room service, flat screens, private infinity pools and when we can fly there and back and have our same same not really different hotels for around $500 a week why the hell wouldnt we?
There is no real language barrier, foods look familitary and why wouldn't they be - from KFC to Burger King to Pizza all the way up to high end restaurants run by top restaurantiers looking for that slice of paradise from Sydney to Milan. Big name Aussie chefs with tv shows opening up restaurants but internet bookings months in advanced are recommended. Down market a little the cost of meals is laughable, he shops are familiar, Marks and Spencer, Topshop, Nike, Billabong, Rusty, Dolce n Gabanna. They dont just come for the scenery and the tropical lifestyle baby they come for the shopping! Even the shopping is tailored for Aussies - TShirts telling you to go to Australian hardware store Bunnings and buy a bag of concrete and harden the fuck up. The further up poppies lane you wander the cruder the tshirts get.
By the time they leave Big Mamma and crew will be sporting Chanel Sunglasses, Gucci handbags, Billabong bathers..good lord..even the "Only for Bali" Bikini. I think people of all shapes and sizes are beautiful but please, guys and gals, if you are intimate friends with the cheesecake shop and late teens to twenties is your size not your age group..please, don't stroll the shops of Kuta in struggling Lycra and flower thongs. Actually, don't stroll any streets anywhere...it is never going to be acceptable. Anywhere, ever.
Don't think that being 18, which by default makes you beautiful, means it's ok to roam the streets of Kuta in a bikini or boardshorts and no shirt either. You may think heading from the beachside bar to a bar and club in your bikini, perfect makeup and sarong is the way it is in Bali. Its not. Trust me on this one, high heels, teeny skirts and alcohol drunk out of goldfish bowls or buckets are never going to mix.
What seema to get lost in translation so often is that Bali is part of Indonesia, a very conservative country. Behind the smile often lies a deep contempt for the disregard of the traditional moral standards of the country. Ask yourself when you last saw an Indonesian strolling down the main street in a bikini and heels.
The Balinese tolerate terrible tourists because the whole island is rapidly becoming the one stop low cost one size fits all tailor made to fit your demographic destination.
Bali has by fortune of geographic location, a book, a movie and cheap flights become so efficient at recognizing and catering to specific target markets that it is beginning to appear a carefully stage managed production of Bali.
Bali caters to the school leavers on their weeks partying, the families with kids who can go for an elephant ride and hold a tiger cub, the divorcees looking for their Kuta cowboys, the eat pray lovers on a quest to find peace and absolution and freedom, the hopeful guys looking for love for the night or a lifetime, the retiree's who have finally earned their sunsets amongst the palm trees.
There are areas of Bali to keep the backpackers and partners permanently drunk, stored, hallucinating on mushroom shakes and waiting to have a toe stitched back on after hiring the scooter just as there are areas to suit families and retiree's and the seekers of themselves. It's working so far...but at what cost to Bali itself?
Bali is skating close to the line of being nothing more than a service hub for tourists. In Bali, the tourist is king. Of course the Balinese are friendly lovely people, but tourism means revenue so it's hard to view tourists as anything but a pay packet. Sure they want to keep in touch via Facebook angd give you their card..so your dollar doesn't go to another driver next visit. In Bali if you have a problem, it is the entire hotels problem. No lime for your margarita? Apologies please, we will get some from the hotel next door. In other parts of Indo not so familiar with the wiles of tourists, it's your problem if you want something that is not at hand. The guy selling fruit in Sulawesi doesn't have a problem if you want watermelon and he has none..it's
your problem. He will not suggest you buy rambutan instead because you wanted watermelon didn't you?
That is the Indonesian way of thinking where the balinese have become well versed in thinking like westerners to provide westerners with what they want. The growing emergence of the prostitutes servicing the Australian and Russian (more about Russians later) tourist market because they dont have a certificate to work in the tourism industry is getting the odd mention here and there in the media. Just about whatever you want, you can have.
My nephew went on a holiday to Bali last year with his family at 17. I had to smile wryly when I overheard him say "it will be ruined in 5 years..there's too many tourists there".
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Brilliant blog Cindy :D
Oh if only I'd been in Bali while you were there. We could of sat, sniggered and no doubt held our heads in despair at the pretentiousness of these vacuous old trouts together. Your sentiments sum up exactly how I feel about Bali which has sadly now become the Ibeefa of the East and a magnet for the world's morally devoid saddoes!