Ashram

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Okay. Me and Colin have finally arrived in Rishikesh--and considering what we went through to get here, and how long it took us, we're pretty proud of ourselves. Not only that, but after the oppressive smog and derpessing dirtiness of Delhi, this place is a refreshing haven of nature and scenery and fresh air. At this altitude the Ganges river is actually clean and beautiful--a sort of glacial greenish color--and flows at a pretty fast pace. It has none of the infected sewage look that we saw in Varanasi, which is pretty nice. All around us the Himalayan hills rise up into green forests, and the sky is actually blue and sunny whenever the clouds break.

We found our ashram, which is one that the Lonely Planet recommends for "serious students" and describes as being "austere." It's supposed to have daily yoga, meditation, lectures, and use of the library--plus all meals are provided. But I have to say that, after the structure and routine of Vipassana, the ashram seems like kind of a tourist trap with a few yoga classes thrown in. Well actually, the yoga classes seem pretty legitimate (a little TOO legitimate, in my opinion--aka painful and frustrating), while the twice-daily meditation sessions seem like a joke. From 5:30am to 6:30am and then again from 6-7pm we all sit on cushions on the floor in a big, darkened room while an Indian guy sits at the front of the room, smacking his lips and breathing loudly into a microphone and saying things like, "Relaaaax, relaaax, relaaaaaaaaaaaaaaax. Focus on the breath. Focus on the body. Focus on all the noises around you. Think about the breath. Breath is gateway to life. Do not think about anything. Ignore all thoughts from the head. The life is eternal breath of happiness. Now let's all recite "om" together three times, so we can experience the bliss and happiness. OOOOOMMMM. OOOMMMMM. OOMMMM. Knowledge is not important. Body is not important. Mind is not important. Only knowledge is important. You must learn to control mind. Then you are true master of universe."

I try my best to tune this guy out and practice my meditation Vipassana-style, but it's pretty hard--especially when he starts in on the "oms." But at least he is TRYING to help us feel relaxed and peaceful; the yoga instructors seem intent on teach us to inflict torture upon ourselves. "Okay, now catch the left toe with the right index finger. Catch. CATCH!! Yes, all of you catch. Now lift the toe up to the ear. Lift. Go. Go. GO! GO!" I'm pretty sure it would be more relaxing to do a football weightlifting camp. Last night we did a series of poses where you plant the palms of both your hands on the floor and then lift up the rest of your body so you're basically levitating over your arms. Like, your entire body is supported by your arms. Yeah, right. If my arms can barely support a bag of groceries, how are they going to support all of my body weight? I don't mind doing an impossible pose when I can sort of B.S. my way through it--like for example if everybody is bending down and trying to touch their toes, you can still just bend down as far as your knees and get some benefit out of it. But with levitating, it's pretty obvious. Either you're suspended off the ground by like a foot, and you look like an awesome yogi witch, or else you're actually laying on the ground, sprawled out in a pathetic and lazy-looking display of defeat. Blah.

Also, the food at the ashram is not good. I wasn't expecting much, but I have just had this mind-blowing revelation that, after one straight year of boiled rice and boiled vegetables, I never want to have boiled rice and vegetables again. Boiled leaves. Boiled potatoes. Boiled carrots. Boiled cauliflower. Gross gross gross. Okay maybe I am a spoiled brat, since so many people in the world are starving and would love to eat nasty boiled cauliflower, but still. I can't help craving things like chocolate and pizza.

Anyway, we'll see how I progress. If, after two weeks of being at this ashram, I don't leave yoga class feeling 7 times angrier than I was when I entered, and if I actually reach a point where I can leave a meditation session feeling reflective instead of headachy and annoyed, I will assume that I am making rapid progress towards enlightenment.

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