Boat Rides & Guide to Hindu Deities

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The bridge was closed for the last two days. The boatmen told me that it was closed because it was dangerous, broken and they were trying to fix it. Such a happening had a twofold effect on me. One, I began to think I was psychic because I myself had thought the bridge was broken and needed fixin' a couple of days ago. Two, it exponetially increased my exposure to bona fide Indian pilgrims, who were now forced to take the boat instead of the bridge. I found myself at the end of the two days, taking a ride across the river just for the heck of it. As privacy and space are concepts that I am beginning to believe do not exist in the Hindu / Indian lexicon I, during those trips, made many Temporary Best Friends (TBFs).

The first trip on the boat in these changed circumstances involved me being sandwiched between a husband and wife team. Although both small in stature they were formidable in stare and as I sat looking ahead I could feel their eyes boring into my profile. Their stare was one of expectancy and seemed to be like those games where you wait to see who will crack first and laugh. I looked at them and the wife, dressed in a canary yellow sari, presumably satisfied that I had broken the deadlock started to talk to me. Inveitably I couldn't understand a word but she persisted, pointing to my mouth. I turned to her husband who was equallly talking to me and willing me to talk me. I tried shrugging my shoulders to say that I didn't understand but it didn't seem to work. Their teeth were stained with beeteljuice and I don't know if they were pointing to mine to find out why mine weren't. Maybe I just had a big bogey hanging from my nose and they were trying to alert me to this fact. I will never know and all too soon the time came for me to part from my first TBFs.

On my return journey there was a large group of middle aged men and women returning from a pilgirmmage queueing in front of me. I was wearing my large brimmed straw hat. One of the men turned around and got sight of me and rapidly alerted the rest of the group to this vision. He laughed and pointed to the sky. (presumably insinuating I was a goddess come from on high!) Even with my seasoned Indian ways I began to feel a little shy at the level of attention I was receiving and grinned and looked at the ground. He started to laugh and told the rest of the group I was "shi". I am definitely going to have to learn Hindu because not being able to speak it is definitely thwarting my social life. He kept trying to talk to me but all I could do was laugh and shrug my shoulders. When we got on the boat he took possession of my hat and it did the rounds of all who wanted a 'go'. Shrieks of hilarity greeted his turn when he tried it on. They asked me where I was from and when I said Ireland they couldn't understand so I said I was from India. More shrieks of hilarity. I tell you this boat has become the mainstay of my social life - there is certainly a little more laughter here than in my yoga class. (more about this in a future blog!)

As I waited to embark on another crossing I was spotted by a man and his wife who, I think, had never seen anyone who was not Indian. They made a beeline for me - I think it is the wide brimmed straw hit that does it! "Where u from, Madam". I answered and as we got on the boat they jostled a little to make sure they got to sit beside their new TBF. While their English was limited it was sufficient to allow for the mandatory questions that appear to trouble all Indians. "Madam, are you married?". The response is greeted with disappointment as though I have failed in the only acccpetable goal in life. It also has the effect of stultifying the next inevitable question. "Madam, do you have kids?" Such questions are not limited to my new TBFs. The other day, I got a lecture from Mukti, the guy who runs the cafe next door about marriage and life. Back on the boat, my new TBFs entreat me to drink the water from Mother Ganga (the river). Even the thought sets my deli beli a rumblin'. I decline and fortunately an Indian woman who speaks fluent English intervenes and sharply stops them from gettting me to drink any water. Undeterred by her intervention they contine in their attempts to kill me through Mother Ganga's love, this time by drowning. They lean over the side of the boat and gather as much water as they can in their cupped hands, proceeding to dowse me. I'm not sure about Mother Ganga's love. Smells pretty much like dirty river water to me. I have to shake off my new TBFs who persist in following me when we get off the boat. I don't think they understand the rules that while we may have been bound together, irreversibly tied by Karma and Mother Ganga during the boat ride, all bets are off when we reach land.

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Rishikesh is a holy city. My fellow yogis tell me that apparently this means you get less aggravation and hassle from touts here than in other cities. That being the case, I look forward with some trepidation to my further travels. I think it also means that dodgy murals and statues of various hindu gods and goddesses are dotted around the town like a bad '70s kitsch design.

After my short time here I think I have got the handle on the "Who's who" in Hindu godland. The blue dude is Krishna (not to be mistaken for a Smurf), apparently well feted for being a good shepherd, playing the flute, gambling with the ladies in the meadows and fighting with his buddy Arjuna, who also happens to drive the war chariot.

Ganesh is the elephant guy - sounds like a bit of bum deal to me but by all accounts he's a popular fella, hitting number 1 in the top ten Hindu Deities poll and although his choice of vehicle is a mouse he apparently he is someone to go to for wisdom and knowledge.

Vishnu is another popular fella but apparently his mot, Lakshmi is even more popular than him 'cos she is the goddess of spondolix and all sorts of wealth.

A pair to beware of are the mother / daughter team Durga and Kali. Kali particularly is not someone you would want to meet in a dark alley. "Her tongue protrudes from her mouth, her eyes are red, and her face and breasts are sullied with blood." She also stands on her husband (Shiva), one foot on his thigh and the other on his chest. Shiva is generally only depicted in temples as a phallus. Maybe his power as a god would be diminshed slightly if he was to be shown being stood on by his wife. Durga, the ma, is also a force to be reckoned with. She rides a lion and carries a number of weapons in her arms, just in case a scuffle arises. While it has not been widely reported it is believed that the Scissor Sisters took their inspiration from this pair.

Clearly Hinduism has a great 'auld portfolio of gods and goddesses that would give Catholic saints a run for their money.

Rishikesh being a holy city also means it is completely vegetarian and you would be hard pushed to find an egg if you went looking. Most restaurants, tend to provide a curious mix of traditional Indian, continental, Chinese and Italian. Thus, old favourites such as Aloo Gobhi and Masala Dhosa sit longside Chow Mein and Pizza on the menu. Being completely vegeterian the vernacular names of the pizzas have had to be adapted resulting in Pepperoni meaning a pizza with cheese and peppers, Marinera meaning a pizza with cheese tomatoes, and a Quattro Formagi indicating toppings of (one!) cheese, tomato sauce and olives. So far, my tummy has been grand - there we go, I have probably now cursed it and will find myself being struck down this very evening!

I am hoping to go to another town for a big singathon - I am thinking the Coca Cola add (I'd like to teach the world to sing...) meets the Pope's visit to the Phoenix Park - so I may be out of computer contact for a while.

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