village life

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hello all 😊 boy do i have a lot to write about today. i will try to get it all out in one entry but it may take two- so bear with me 😊

so i have recently returned from my rural indian village experience at ajay's home village where he grew up until the age of 14. i really had no idea what to expect- and boy was i in for a big suprise! we took a motorcycle there- and it took 4 hours! motorcycles are the preferred way to travel due to ease of mobility in traffic as well as cheaper gas mileage. i like riding motorcycles- i think they are fun! but after 4 hours your butt goes numb and fun is not longer an adjective you use to describe the ride 😞 and of course i am sure you all have heard of the driving conditions here in india. bumpy roads, way too many people on them, and crazy drivers. no one in india would pass an american driver's license test. no one. they are all over the road- not paying any attention to rules- driving in places they shouldn't, etc... and there is no law that the pedesterian has the right of way. it's like a free for all here. anyhow i survived- and we arrived safe and sound in ajay's village.

how can i describe this village? it is like nothing i have ever experienced- save reading national geographic or seeing documentaries on tribal living. the 'village' is made up of 900 people. ajay's family is one of the highest in terms of status- so pretty much they own most everything and the lower classes work for them. the homes are made of brick and mud and the floor is washed everyday with cow dung. yes i said washed with cow dung. cows are worshiped here so it is seen as holy to do this. krishna (an avatar- or incarnation of vishnu) created cows and gave them to the indians for food. because much of their diet consists of dairy- ghee (clarified butter), milk, buttermilk, curd (yogurt), paneer (cheese)- the cow was worshiped as something that gave them life. i believe it is one of the reason most of india is vegetarian. the cow is worth much more- and can feed more mouths- when it's dairy is used. if killed for meat it could only feed a small percentage of people. hence the vege diet.

the furniture of the homes were made of rope and wood. the bed i slept on was a cot of sorts that was not all that comfortable 😞 that is one thing i am really missing and realizing i have taken for granted back home- the comfortability of everything. the 'oven' was made of mud/pottery that held cow dung (indian charcoal) and their pots are all made of various metals- copper, stainless steel, etc... the homes are open as well- so although there is a roof over some parts- other parts are not covered and there is no front door per se. the main forms of transportation are bull cart (yes- that would be a bull pulling a cart) and a tractor. i got to ride the bull cart the first day we were there. ajay wanted to show me his property so we got a tour of the sugar cane fields. the main crops are jaggery or gur- a sap taken from the sugar cane that is apparently the healthiest form of sugar- and bricks. ajay's village had 7 jaggery 'factories' (makeshift factories made up of a tent covering the jaggery making process) and one brick making factory.

from the first moment we entered the village's exterior boundaries it was clear that i was the first foreigner to ever visit. by the time we parked the motorcylce we had a small gathering that had followed us to ajay's aunt and uncle's house. they were gathered in a crowd just outside the front of their home trying to get a glimpse of me. it was very surreal. then the neighbors on either side of us climbed up to the roof of their homes so they could peer into the patio of the home we were in so they could see me. i felt like a celebrity- being followed and stared at! when ajay took me around to meet everyone i was being treated as though i was the president or something! the children would try to stand close to me so they could touch me- and the women would do the same thing but not in such a childlike manner. i distinctly got the feeling that the family who's house at which we were staying were feeling very important for being the place at which i was to spend the night.

in the evening we took dinner- which was cooked to my liking. we had alo gohbi- potato and cauliflower with spices- and chapati- indian bread. they tried to feed me curd as well but i told them i do not eat dairy. i may as well have said i eat small children- they could not understand why one would not eat dairy. they were going on and on- in indian of course (ajay was the interpreter the entire time) about how dairy was the perfect food. i think they thought perhaps if i ate some dairy i would fatten up (skinny is not the most beautiful here as it is in america). after dinner we visited more families- each one offering me food and chai with milk. so i got to explain to everyone that i do not eat dairy. haha.

then night time came and it was time to go to sleep. originally the sleeping arrangements were for me to sleep with the aunt in the master bedroom! this happened when i first came to stay with ajay as well- his mother slept with me the first night. but she snored the whole night 😞 i mentioned this to ajay and i have slept alone ever since. so when i heard i was going to be sleeping with another person that probably snored as well i hesitated- and ajay had the arrangements changed and i slept on a cot. it is kind of funny to me that they just put guests that they do not know in their beds. so we start to go to sleep but i cannot sleep because the cows and sheep are in the courtyard- 20 feet away- mooing and baaing. and the mosquitos are trying to eat me alive. then i have to go the bathroom- and i mention this to ajay who then gets up and lights a lantern so we can walk to the outhouse which is 100 yards away! i drink a lot of water- so getting up in the middle of the night to pee is not uncommon for me. this would be a problem if i lived in a village like this 😞

the next day i awoke- having not slept very well- and we departed for another village about an hour and a half away to attend a wedding. this was an interesting experience as well. the girl was 18 and her soon to be husband was 21. it was an arranged marriage- and the couple had only seen pictures of eachother once. of course the women's lib spirit inside of me immediately was repulsed by the idea of having my husband picked for me. and there were more equality issues for me to come face to face with as well. apparently the men all eat first and the women get to eat second. because i was a foreigner i was allowed to eat with the men so that ajay could tell me what i could eat and what i could not. it was very clear that an american woman was not just a woman- i was above woman status so i got special treatment. we actually missed the rites and rituals of the marriage because the wedding ran late and ajay wanted us to depart by 3pm because apparently the area we were in was the highest crime rate in the world second only to new york city! ajay said it was fine to be there during the day for the wedding but that we should not stay there during the night because he did not want to be to be in an unsafe environment. so we missed the fire dance and the exchange of the vows 😞 apparently at the fire dance the girl dances around the fire saying she will give her life to this man and if he were to fall ill she would die before him! i asked ajay does the man say the same thing to her and he said no- the man just promises to take care of everything for her. so the woman is supposed to die first before her husband. i was not liking that 😞

so then we took off and went to stay at ajay's brother's house in a bigger city area. they had a house with beds- rather than the village atmosphere. this 'brother' was not a blood brother but rather a 'village' brother. in the village the men that are in the same generation are all brothers- and so he has like 30 brothers. the generation above is what ajay calls his uncles and aunts, the one below are all called his sons and daughters, etc... ajay's immediate family is made up of about 80-90 people. everyone is very close and reliant upon one another. it was interesting to see that and compare and contrast that with american culture. in america we do not live with our entire family in one village. and we do not take on the younger members as our own children- and we do not treat all the older members with the respect that they do in the indian culture. i think it is something that perhaps we could learn from. but i also see where it could be too much. my experience here has been that each family member does things with everyone else in mind and not themselves. that can be a good thing but also a bad thing i think. i guess it is why we are known in america for our independent spirits and the opportunities afforded to us in our country- which can also come across as selfishness. two sides of the same coin.

i am realizing that i- and many americans no doubt- have always taken our freedom, indepenence and place of power in this world for granted. when people here meet me and hear i am from america they get 'starstruck'. they ask me all kinds of questions and tell me how we are such a powerful country and that we are #1 in the world. i never really thought about it that way. but i am realizing we are very fortunate. we are very advanced in everything we do- and i get to see that plainly and clearly here in india. the things i have always just assumed were normal are seen as elite things here. like the comfortability issue i mentioned before. i am used to a certain level of comfortability- as well as a certain quality of service- that you just do not get in india. for example- ajay and i went to rent two DVD's. when we got home to watch them there were problems. the first one's sound was not working properly- and the second one began to skip halfway through the movie and we ended up having to forgo the last half of it 😞 i was annoyed and told ajay we should tell the DVD guy so we can get our money back- and he said there was no way we would get our money back. i could not believe it! in america the rental place would either be taken to court or word would get around and they would eventually have to shut down due to lack of customers. india does not operate this way. creature comforts that i think are a necessity are only available to the elite of society here. the gap between what the elite enjoys and what the lower classes enjoy is quite big.

another funny thing i have encountered is america does not give out visas very easily- so when anyone finds out that i am american they are quick to want to talk to me and befriend me. then as we part they ask for my address and phone number. at first i thought that they wanted to be my pen pal- but then ajay told me they want a reference and contact in america with whom they can use and stay with when they come to america! they also would say things like 'we want to come to america with you' and they would laugh. so i thought they were joking and i would say' sure come!' well they were serious- and as i would part company with them they would be calling after ajay saying 'wait she said i could come to america with her!' just today ajay and i went to visit a family friend that i met yesterday. after meeting me they immediately asked for me to visit for tea. so we went and had tea, looked at pictures, i played with their dog, met their two sons, etc... then we left and ajay told me what was really going on. they were asking ajay in hindi to ask me if i would marry one of their sons so that he could become an american citizen! and they told him that if i was not ready to marry (which i think is what ajay told them in response to their request) that then i could match them with a female friend of mine. ajay told them he would speak to me about this later on. so any female friends want to get married anytime soon...? 😉 i was shocked! i knew this kind of stuff happened- but it was head knowledge. now i am in india and have truly experienced it for myself. it is entirely different to have experiential knowledge of such things.

one final thing and i will end this blog...today i got to experience a naturopathy hospital. ajay wanted me to experience naturopathy- so i went for a morning session of what i was told was going to be a mud bath, a massage, an enema (yes you read right) and a hot and cold bath. well the 'hospital' reminded me of a unkept public school health care facility. the whole manner in which i was taken care of was lacking in quality and comfortability. the 'mud bath' was a cold pack of mud applied to my abdomen while i was in my own clothes. in america one would be changed into a spa gown of some sort. not here. then i was given a massage- with my own clothes again- that was not relaxing but rather painful. then i had an enema in a cold room on a cot. then i had a hot and cold 'bath'- meaning i was plopped in a tub of cold water and then hot water. it was a cold morning today so i was already freezing to begin with. in america the facility would be warm and inviting- but this was not the case here. i was so unhappy that i began to cry 😞 it's amazing what lack of comfort can do to a person. after this i was supposed to do some therapy that involved drinking two jugs of water and then throwing it up. i drew the line here. that is called bulimia in america and it is not a therapy that i am willing to subject myself to. when we left ajay asked how i liked it and i said i hated it 😞 it was a nice gesture but i will never do that again. the next naturopathy clinic i check myself into will be in america. the funny thing is that according to india i am seen as someone who has been given to much luxury and comfort in my life so i will always find myself to be uncomfortable in situations like that. i am like a princess here. but i actually think i am doing a better job of adapting than some other americans would. i wonder what they would do if they had paris hilton (the heiress of the hilton resort hotels) here. they should make a reality show with her 'real life in india'. haha. that would be funny.

well i think i will sign off now. i have more to tell you about about what i have been doing in kurukshetra prior to the village exprience- but i will write that one later. i think this entry is long enough 😉

until then...

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