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Published: August 7th 2007
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For anyone who has never seen Octopussy, it's shit. It's easily the worst of the Roger Moore bastardisations of Bond. And in Udaipur, it's played in every restaurant in town. There's no escape. So spare a thought for the poor waiters who have had to witness this crud every day since the film was shot there in 1983. What must have seemed a blessing at the time can now only be considered a curse.
In the film, Rog encounters snake charmers, men on beds of nails, fire eaters and sword swallowers all on one stretch of street before hopping into a high speed rickshaw towards Octopussy's floating mansion. In reality, the streets of Udaipur are a smidge quieter, and actually pleasantly calm compared with most places. Many people go so far as to describe the place as 'romantic', but that's probably pushing it a bit. The main attraction is a hotel in the middle of the lake which costs the equivalent of the annual salaries of most locals to go and dine at. Still, with floating platforms for dining areas, it was pretty tempting. Instead we satisfied ourselves with trespassing through the grounds of the Royal Palace. We didn't mean
Lake Palace
Looks rather like a cruise ship to, it's just that we found a gate that was open and it looked like a nice walk, and well... we got a ticking off from the royal hotel manager who kindly drove us well away from the grounds telling us we 'were lucky we didn't meet one of the prince's dogs'.
Only thrill-a-minute action and adventure could satisfy us after our brush with royal authority, especially in Bond-town. So with adrenalin our ally and danger just a word we ignored, we hired a pair of bicycles and set off looking for trouble. Alas, trouble came in the form of inclines, and with Indian bikes weighing in at a colossal 985lbs with not a hint of gears, we quickly succumbed in the 159 degree heat, managing a couple of laps of the lake, losing roughly 14 litres of sweat along the way. Udaipur, we decided, was best enjoyed from the balcony of our guest house, from where we had a great view over the lake for our final lazy day.
Our next stop was a wee town called Bundi. It's a bit further off the tourist trail, and was to be our final stop in Rajastan. There's not
A woman's work is never done...
....just popping down the shops darling much to say about Bundi, which is a good thing, as it's quiet and laid back and really quite a nice little spot. Initially we checked into the Lake View Hotel. But the lake, of which we had a splendid view, was the only one we've seen so far which was such a disturbing shade of green that not even the wildlife risked bathing in it. The view, and a fine view it was, was also not quite enough to distract us from the heat, and we upped sticks across the road to the Shivam Guest House, which was by contrast, heaven. Every person who comes here, we soon learned, is wowed by the hostess and daughter of the family, Pinky. But for us, Pinky's charms were slightly overshadowed by Sophie, a 1ish month old street pup who had been taken in after a run-in with a motorbike. Sophie was unbelievably cute, so much so that Jenny has promised to live in a kennel so that we can get a dog on our return. We, and our fellow guests Marco and Renee spent many an hour fawning over her, to the slight dismay of the master of the house who
The streets of Bundi
head here for top lassi action preferred to smack her back to good health.
Bundi's key attraction (in addition to Sophie of course) is a very cool abandoned fort and palace which are wrapped around the hill looming over the town, heavily guarded by scores of menacing monkeys. Fearing for our lives, we enlisted the help of a one eyed chap to fend them off. 'A one-eyed chap?' we hear you say, 'Surely not an encouraging sign in those circumstances.' I reckon a monkey got his eye, but we’ll never know. He kept them off us, but not his hand, which helped itself to a grope of Jenny....we should have taken our chances with the monkeys. This was just a precursor to the other attraction of Bundi, a much nicer lake where we went for views of the hills and water lilies, whilst some local lads came for views up Jenny's skirt. That was it, we lost it, and we both shouted blue murder at the boys who appeared somewhat vexed, before running off with their tails between their legs. Boys and men staring blatantly, continuously at Jenny (or any western girl) is a real headache and a few times it's crossed the line. But
The chilli man
It ain't arf hot in many places, women are not able to operate with the same freedom as men, so people just don't care.
It was all too much for Jenny. Being of the weaker sex, and faced with unwanted male attention, she swooned in true femme fatale style. Actually she didn't, she got a nose bleed just as I was buying a Lassi. Fortunately the Lassi man had the genius idea of throwing a bucket of cold water over her head. It stopped the bleeding, but didn't stop me pissing myself with laughter. Jolly good Lassi though, and I highly recommend everyone in Blighty makes themselves one to combat the heat back home, recipe below.
In spite of letchy boys, (Jenny decided to hang on to me), we had a top time in Udaipur and Bundi. Southern Rajastan is all quite laid back and you know what, that suits us fine.
RECIPE FOR THE 'TASTE OF BUNDI' - yogurt, sugar, creme, honey, saffron, cardomon, cashew nut, pistachio, raisins - FOOD OF CHAMPIONS!
Cheerio.
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