Abohar Arrival

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After a long journey through the smoggy Punjabi roads, we arrived in Abohar at Grace’s family house which has been in the family for 70 years - built in the 50’s. The custard yellow art deco facade, frosted with white balconies and lattice gates was the only residential property on the busy main street of shops. Grace’s great grandfather - who had been the mayor of the town, and built a school and a college for the community - had built the family home. Back then, it was Abohar’s heyday - with this area being full of opulent residential housing and Grace’s family owning one of three cars in the town. This was quite the contrast to the bustling streets and heavy pollution of present day.

Giagi (Grace’s grandfathers eldest brother’s wife) the matriarch of the family - legendarily known for carrying an AK47 under her sari on her daily walks around the city - greeted us at the door. Grace leaned down to touch her feet (a gesture of respect) and she laughed ‘No no no’ and bundled her up into a big bear hug. She said ‘Grace I love you’ and lead us inside.

Everyone in Indian families are given nicknames so Grace’s uncle and auntie (Iksha’s parents) are referred to as Pinky and Dimple. Chotu! (Cute). We were also greeted by Rama Auntie, another kind and loving relative, who gave us big hugs. Grace’s dad always says that Punjabis are like the Scouse of India - extremely loving, loud and fun! Rama and Giagi don’t speak much English so we communicated mainly through smiles, gestures and photos. We were taken into the large central courtyard which Dimple told us used to be uncovered - so you could sit and look at the stars or set up a big projector and have outdoor films in the summer. Since it has had a roof installed as when it rained in monsoon season the sewage could overflow and stink to high heaven!

They told us about the open fire place that used to sit in the far corner and told Grace about which room her grandfather had studied in for his dentistry exams. Soon the photo albums were brought out and we were looking through generations of Kumar’s (although our last name isn’t actually Kumar - it was changed when the British overtook administration/record keeping in India). Kumar means ‘potter’ which is where some of Grace’s family think she gets her creativity from. However, due to a lack of record keeping pre British Raj occupation - it’s especially complicated to find out about distant family history. So it is also possible that Kumar was used as an ambiguous caste name - one without a specific origin attached to it. However in another branch of family it was changed to Chowdhary - another common Indian surname - perhaps for the same reason. Yet ANOTHER possibility is that Kumar’s belong to a branch of warrior castes - known for their strength and courage.
Phew - it’s very complicated.

Also for obvious reasons, it’s a very sensitive subject to discuss British Raj times with older relatives who were children during Partition. They are all very progressive and liberal people so do not like to dwell on subjects like castes which now seem irrelevant to them in the modern era.

Grace’s great grandfather was not only mayor but a doctor - and his brother was an attorney. The first two men to be educated. Giagi proudly showed us Grace’s grandfather’s college photographs from Amritsar university - he was sports secretary?! Grace definitely didn’t inherit any of this. This is also the house where Grace’s dad was sent for a few years after his mother died when he was 2. We met Uncle Sunil - who has sadly had a stroke and cannot speak (but is still mentally present so filled with excitement and love when he saw Grace and started pointing at family photos of Grace’s mum, dad and grandparents) - and Pinky told us about how Sunil brought Grace’s dad from England to India. This is a very special place for Grace’s dad and the relatives tell stories of him being a mischievous little boy, causing havoc in the family home. He has since mellowed considerably!

We looked through family photos and Sunil thought Grace looked like her maternal grandmother Kaplana. We were told she had a beautiful singing voice and whenever they would take her to the market the village people would marvel at how intelligent and beautiful she was - and what good fortune it was that she was joining the family. Travelling so far to such a remote location to find baby photos of yourself and parents in a house you have never visited is both a strange and comforting feeling. To know you have a home, a place and love in the most seemingly alien of places.

Giagi instructed the girls to eat (she is often compared to a drill sergeant - but with her grandkids she is like any grandma wanting them to be eating at ALL times) and we sat down to a meal of lots of vegetable curries - that we can’t remember the names of - and chapati and rice pudding. It was delicious - our favourite meals of the trip are always the home cooked meals. The oranges in Abohar are unlike any in the world - especially citrusy and juicy - so this was a common drink we had daily during our visit. It’s also customary to mix it with black salt - which wasn’t our preference but we’ll try anything once!

If anyone has seen the film ‘Anita and Me’ (which if you haven’t we highly recommend), Giagi was like Meena’s grandmother when she comes to stay. Funny, tough, loving and all-powerful! She said that Grace was ‘fun loving’ like Sanjeen and that she loved Helen and wanted her to come back and visit. Throughout their trip she kept referring to Grace as Helen. She remembered her visit and missed her smiles - and saw them repeated in Grace. She also told Iksha - who kindly translated - that Grace had ended up looking very Indian, which she was rather chuffed about! Grace’s parents had come to Abohar for their Indian wedding back in the 90s and had covered Mum in mendi (henna) so that Dad had to carry her around for a day. The family recalled their ceremony with adoration and joy - thrilled that the next generation had now made the same pilgrimage.

Grace and Hattie were put in the fancy front room on huge mattresses on the floor. Pinky joked that we would be woken up by Giagi’s 4am laughing yoga and clamorous pottering around the house - he was not kidding. Giagi cupped Grace’s face with one hand (covered in jasmine oil from her nightly face care routine) and the girls fell asleep to the sounds of the busy road outside.

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