I Am Champ

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December 16th 2007

Published: December 16th 2007

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Hulkshaw

Beards

Man I love beards...especially mine.

Beards and Champs, Champs and Beards. They go hand in hand really...

After marveling at my beard in the mirror for a whole evening, I decided it was probably time to put him to action. Send him out on Fort Gwalior (commonly known as Gwalior Fort) to see what havoc can be wrought. But first, to the Jai Vilas! Home of some of the strangest and oddest displays of excess known to bearded man...

Jai Vilas
The Maharaja's old palace and current museum, is essentially room after room of randomosity. Unfortunately, such randomness was not accompanied with beards, as for some reason or another, this maharaja chose to not grow one of those famous Indian, chinless beards. For shame!

Ranging from several tonne chandeliers to beepers to swans making love to ladies, this museum has got it all. All, except for change. India, in general, hates change. They hate 500Rs, sometimes even 100Rs and have led me to start hoarding my 10Rs bills. My wallet is thick with 10Rs (quarters, in Canadian$). Honestly, no beards and no change? I am outta here...

Gwalior Fort
Along with some impressive castrated Jains (thanks to the Mughals), Gwalior is home

Jai Vilas palace

The Scindia palace/museum in Gwalior.

to a wonderful bat-inhabited palace with deep wells where many an intense game of 'chase my 7 wives' was had.

As an aside, I can understand why they needed about 3km of wall to protect Man Singh's palace - the yellow ducky wall paint just wasn't fearsome enough to scare away intruders.

The Fort is also home to one of the craziest, most extreme gangs known to Gwalior (or man, for that matter) - the Champ Gang! These self-proclaimed stunters and pranksters strike fear in the heart of their enemies through such acts as: RIDING DOWN STAIRS ON A BIKE!!!! LETTING OUT AIR FROM TIRES!!!! SAYING DIRTY WORDS!!! BEING PIOUS!!!! XTREME!!!!

The gang took me in as their own, teaching me the ways of a pre-pubescent Indian boy. I learned such things as 'chod' (the f word in hindi) and Kya main apko chod sadke hoon (what one would say to a lady one would wish to 'chod'). Other gems included, but are not limited to, questions about virginity, female anatomy, and WWE.

I amazed them all with my alliteration: Chotta Chod (little f*ck)

Upon invite to attend a Hindi version of "I am Legend",

Stuffed tigers

Poor guys, never stood a chance

the new Will Smith movie, I had to say yes, for I would be amiss to turn these ruffians down - and probably missing after they pranked and stunted me to death.

And so went my induction into this pranking, stunting gang, known by its enemies only as, The Champ Gang.

Chod Abka, mutra chodders!!!!

Additional photos below

Photos: 24, Displayed: 23

Big Gun

Men with Big Beards carry Big Guns

Cigars, shades, and lighters

Lets not forget the Maharaja's beeper, or possibly garage door opener. Best display ever.

First BMW's

Originally three-wheelers, apparently

Dragon statue

In the 'China' room, the museum had a wicked statue of which this is only a portion

1 Tonne (ton?)

Chandelier

Sweet room

These chandelier's way more than a couple tons. They actually suspended a group of elephants from the ceiling in order to test it. The ceiling is ringed with gold, and the floor carpet is one giant carpet woven by criminals. A wicked room.