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Published: February 17th 2007
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January 28, 2007 - Part 2
It was late; I was exhausted; I was in desperate need of a bath. I tossed my bags from the day’s shopping on the floor and headed to the bathroom to start getting ready for bed. Those of you that know me well, know that I’m not exactly the world’s most observant person on the planet. So I have no I idea what made me look up. But there it was, a damned lizard! Shit!
I’m not really afraid of lizards, but I wasn’t about to share my room with one... especially one that was every bit of 8 - 10 inches long. So I put my shoes back on and walked back to the front desk to report my unwanted guest. The guy at the reception desk called housekeeping who met me at my room in a matter of minutes. Thank God the lizard hadn’t moved. It was on the crown molding near the ceiling. I took a picture.
As I learned later, lizards are considered to be a bad omen in India. So it turns out the guy from housekeeping was without a doubt more afraid of the lizard than I. And this is where the evening’s comedy began.
Since the night I checked in, the hotel has been promising to move me to a room on the 2nd floor as soon as one was available. In anticipation of the pending room move, I hadn’t unpacked my suitcases. The floor was cluttered with my luggage (some packed - some partially unpacked), my golf clubs, a medium sized cardboard box that contained the Seattle calendars I gave as gifts to the Keane India staff, my shopping bags from Jaipur and the day’s shopping in Delhi, and a stack of unread newspapers that are delivered to my room daily.
Remember that the Hindu religion reveres all life forms. Killing or harming the lizard was out of the question. This would strictly be a capture and release endeavor.
In broken English, the housekeeping guy told me to keep my eye on the lizard, and he left to get a pole to herd the lizard out of my room. Yes, HERD! Leaving my door open, he took the pole and tapped gently behind the lizard’s butt to get him moving. At first it moved only about 6 inches. So he tapped the pole a little harder and the lizard scurried to the ceiling. A few more taps and the lizard made a dash to the middle of the ceiling and then dropped to the floor.
I squealed, but the housekeeper screamed! The lizard ran for cover, straight into the middle of my pile of crap. Great! Just frickin’ great! The lizard herder was cautiously probing my things with the pole while I began picking up my suitcases and putting them on the bed. When there he went, the lizard darted over to the base board near the desk, but unfortunately further from the open door. More screams by both of us, but at least now we could see him and he was NOT in my stuff.
Then in a dumb ass move, the guy tapped the pole again (before I could get anything else off the floor) and SURPRISE the lizard ran right back into my stuff. I picked up a shopping bag and it ran deeper into my pile. More shrieks from both of us, but at least we’re both laughing now.
I continued putting my things on the bed. I picked up the cardboard box that used to contain the Seattle calendars but now contained my bras and other intimate apparel, when the lizard herder went berserk! He began shrieking at me in Hindi. Startled, my first thought was that he saying something about my panties. I guess it didn’t take but a second for him to remember that I only speak English, because he quickly switched back to his broken English, “Please ma’am! Please ma’am! Down! Down!” For those of you that don’t already know, my brain malfunctions whenever I get panicked or scared. I had no idea what the guy was trying to tell me but I could tell from his tone of voice that it was an emergency, so I promptly panicked and froze. He kept screaming at me and gesturing at the ground until I finally understood. The frickin’ lizard was on the side of the cardboard box of bras I was holding. SHIT!
I dropped the box and the lizard flew across the room into curtains that hang ceiling to floor. Great! Just frickin great! This was when my lizard herder when for help. While he was gone, I got my wits about me and I got all of my things off the floor and onto the bed. While I was waiting for the guys from housekeeping to return, I gently probed the curtains to see if I could locate the lizard. The damn thing had disappeared!
Two guys returned to capture the lizard; the original guy with the lizard herding pole and a new guy with a bath towel. Perfect! They looked through the curtains for the culprit and can’t find him either. They searched and searched, and I could tell they wanted to give up, but I’ll be damned if they were leaving my room without that lizard. Suddenly out of no where, the lizard ran from a corner near the curtains to the middle of the room where a small bookcase was. Both those two guys jumped sky high and screamed like little girls.
They approached the bookcase to make the capture and guess what… another vanishing act. It was just gone! They moved the bookcase, nothing. They moved the nearby desk, nothing. There was really no place else for it to go except under the bed and surely we would’ve seen it cross the floor, but they reluctantly got down on hands and knees and looked under the bed. It briefly crossed my mind that if I touched one of them while they were down on all four’s, they would jump out of their skins. While cruel, it would’ve been hysterical if I’d known them better.
Still on hands and knees, the begin looking under all the furniture and Ta Da! There it was… under the bottom shelf of the bookcase! Quickly the guys removed all the books and magazines and picked up the entire bookcase and carried it outside. Once outside, all it took was a final tap of the pole and my lizard crawled off into the dark.
The guys returned the bookcase, replaced all the reading material, and left me with some parting advice. “Get peacock feathers!” Michele later told me that peacocks are a natural predator of lizards and that many Indians keep peacock feathers in their homes to ward away the lizards and the evils spirits they bring. Let me tell you, the next time one of the roving street vendors tries to sell me peacock feathers I’m gonna get me some!
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Faye
non-member comment
Lizard
Deb this was hilarious I can see you jumping around trying to avoid the lizard as it darts across the room.