Burnt out!

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Today i dream of pools, airconditioning, cold weather, cold food...anything cold! My tolerance is low. Im sticky, sweaty and everything is uncomfortable. Mosquito bites are all over me, fortunately not itching me to death like they are Katja. The mozzies are relentless, even when we stopped into a hotel for a cool drink, the mozzies and fruit flies seem to follow us.

I remember the heat and humidity in Bali, but there the water was close, the hotel room was airconditioned and there was always a cold beer on the little pub on the corner.

I attempt to self soothe by buying a chocolate icecream on the walk back home from the markets, but even thats not enough to comfort my insatiable appetite for coldness. (the chocolate was pretty good though 😊

I guess this is the sacrifice that people were referring too when i said i was going to India to work in an orphanage......i wish i had more energy for the kids....hopefully a cool change is coming...

Jill

It’s only 9pm, but I’m tired, flat and feeling emotionally exhausted. Had a nice nap this afternoon hoping that it will give me the energy to be more present with the children later on ... it didn’t work. For most of the afteroon, I feel irritable and impatient.

Although during the day, the oprhanage is quiet because children are at school, the absence of basic facilities don’t invite us to stay in. Instead, we go out and explore the streets and markets of Hyderabad. But when we go out ... oh dear ...
the high pitched noise on the streets is piercing my ears, while dust and smog enter every follicle of my skin. The overall atmosphere, the chaotic and fast traffic makes me feel as if there’s no escape, there’s no oasis to regenerate here. Then, when we leave the busy roads behind due to their overwhelming effect, we come back to the orphanage where we are greeted by 38 loud voices (it’s hard to be heard here, so everyone shouts). These loud voices continue their uncoordinated tune until 9pm ... I feel trapped and anxious and then flat and guilty for feeling this way.

To make matters worse, the mosquitos are eating me alive, despite all the extra strength insect repellant creams I’m using. My legs, feet and arms are constantly itchy, I want to scream and shout off the top of my lungs out of pure irritation.

So ... tonight, I will close my eyes soon and visualise my boyfriend and I, on a secluded Croatian beach, on a sunny August day, the transparent sea from my childhood, pine trees washing their long branches in the sea, the sound of cicadas and little waves gently touching perfectly round pebbles on the beach ... it’s perfect ... it’s peaceful ...it’s home ... wonder if it will work!

Katja

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