Top 10 Funniest things about China

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To survive China, one of the most important things is to remember to LAUGH. It's very easy to get frustrated when surrounded by 1.3 billion people with a very different culture and language than your own. Especially since, quite frankly, Chinese customs do come off as rude by Western standards. But it's much, much more fun (and much less heart attack-inducing) to just laugh. For example, many of the items from my original top 10 (things that confuse me) now make me laugh. When I hear someone hawk and spit, my response has adjusted from shuddering to just saying 'that's hot'. (The wisdom of Paris Hilton?)



So here for your enjoyment are 10 things that still keep me laughing, even after 1.5 months in China:



1. Couples with matching shirts. I feel like this is in almost every top 10 but it just really is sooo good. Some of them are real gems. Like "I *heart* husband" and "I *heart* wife". Most of them look absolutely ridiculous on the guys.



2. Men with their shirts pulled up over their bellies. They do this on hot days. In America, attractive young girls will pull up their shirts and expose their midrifts. In China, old fat men do it. In fact, being fat is a huge advantage because then the shirt can easily rest on your belly. Skinny men need more skill and technique to get their shirts to stay up. Jeff has tried and failed.



3. Small children who stare at you. Also, adults who go out of their way to stare - the head-turn stare is a favourite of mine. The other day a guy was leaning to see me around a group of people.



4. At any given moment out in the crowds of China, there will be at least one pair of the most ugly shoes you have ever seen in your life. I like to sit on the subway and hunt for the ugliest shoes. What will the winner look like? Platform plastic/foam sandals? Will the shoes have weird shit hanging from them? Maybe the colour is just ridiculous? It's always an adventure.



5. Three-wheeled cars and trucks. Not because there is anything actually wrong with them but because I watched a lot of Mr. Bean and they always make me think of how much he hated that one three-wheeled truck and always made it crash in a ditch. I'm actually laughing out loud typing this as I think about it. It's so funny!!!



6. They always honk loudly right before they run you over with their car/moped/bike/3-wheeled vehicle thing. (Cause in China, the larger the vehicle, the more right-of-way you have, so as a pedestrian you're just screwed.)



7. They love basketball. Sooo much. Blame Yao Ming I guess. And now Jeremy Lin. I am constantly being asked if I'm a Lakers fan and, when they were going on, people were keeping me constantly updated about the NBA playoffs. I have caught my co-worker streaming games on his work computer more than once. There are also basketball courts EVERYWHERE! One of the local beers even seems to be a sponsour of the NBA. It's just...Lin-sanity?



8. Hair salons seem to be the most happening place in the evening. Music is blaring, people are outside...It's so random!



9. CHINGLISH!! It's SO ABSURD and HILARIOUS!! I wonder where they come up with it because it's worse than google translate! And it's sometimes set in STONE! Literally!



It's fun to read shirts on the subway, definitely helps with those long rides along line 10 out to the East side of town. And I can get away with it cause staring isn't rude!!!!



10. Bathrooms, especially in old/sketchy parts of town. It's just an adventure every time.

Some bathroom highlights:

-automatic flush squat toilets

-squat toilets with no stalls so you have to play that awkward stare-at-the-ceiling game with the chick across from you so as not to be watching them squat

-Fernanda witnessed something epic in a stall-less bathroom: a woman with a cigarette in her mouth playing on an iPad while squatting - modern China, ladies and gentlemen

-the shock and awe that comes from discovering that a bathroom has real toilets

-the extra shock and awe when there is also toilet paper

-the faint-worthy discovery that high-speed trains have TOILET SEAT COVERS



This part of the story is only for those ok with toilet humour - one of my most laugh-worthy toilet experiences is when someone needs to go...number 2...and they miss the area with the water. (It does take skill to aim yourself just right when squatting.) So then there's this big pile in the bowl. Twice now (twice!) I've been waiting in line at the bathroom and I could hear someone flushing and flushing over and over again. Then they come out with this really guilty look on their face and you look in and you know they missed the area with the water. It's just sooo funny.



Just remember: keep laughing and it'll all be OK!!!

-Dafne

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Comments

[Dafne]

gah missed one!!
I can't BELIEVE I didn't include people squatting!! They squat everywhere!! Apparently the Chinese have evolved to find it a comfortable position so they'll just squat while they wait or while hanging around. They squat while they eat. Squatting all the time!!! I personally find squatting really uncomfortable but they love it!!