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Published: March 1st 2010
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Summer Palace, Beijing
I didn't want to put pictures of someone else's wedding up, so here are some general phots instead. A Chinese Wedding
Over the Chinese New Year festival I was very kindly invited to a colleague’s wedding. The whole day turned out to be completely different either from what I was expecting, or anything you would find at a Western wedding. In order to prepare myself and to avoid potential social faux pas, I’d tried to find out as much as I could about Chinese weddings before the big day, but it proved difficult. My colleagues dismissed my questions telling me (they thought usefully) not to worry. As for groom himself, he seemed positively reluctant to talk about his big day. Pre-match nerves I wondered?
I did manage, partly by asking Westerns, to understand some basics. Firstly there would be no need to wear a suit, or in fact dress up in any way. It’s important that the bride and groom aren’t upstaged. And secondly, no presents - guests just bring a little red envelope with a monetary gift. Neither really helped my feelings of being unprepared.
Family House My colleagues were right though, the whole day could barely have been less formal. The wedding took place in
the groom’s family house, a relatively large but simple house deep in the sprawling conurbation that is coastal Chinese “countryside”.
It was the kind of place where old men squatted in corners furtively chain smoking cigarettes and where the run-away Chinese economy has bought scooters, breeze blocks and little else. It was also the kind of place where if you’re tall and blonde then you tend to feel a little out of place. Even the local stray mongrels would pause, legs still cocked against a wall, and stare as you walk past, before blinking a few times, shaking their head in disbelief and returning to their previous business.
The whole ground floor of the house had been cleared and filled with tables and chairs. Allowing at least 60 guests to dine at once. Several sittings were therefore required. The first had started at 11am, but by the time we arrived nearer 13pm they already on the second and third rotation.
Almost before we had sat down we were offered “yellow wine”, the local liquor. Keen to try, I said yes, but there weren’t any glasses on the table, so I wondered how they were planning to serve
it. Perhaps it was tradition to pour it straight down the gullet. However all was answered when they filled my bowl. A bowl full of local liquor, what’s there not to like?
The Groom Collects the Bride Before we began the onslaught on the food, the groom had to leave. He, and his best men, had a job to do. He had to collect his bride - a very traditional part of proceedings.
At this time the bride was still at her home, door locked, surrounded by her maids of honour. The groom’s party will knock on the door, asking to collect the bride. But the maids of honour need to be persuaded of the groom’s suitability.
So he must gush out his heart. He will declare how she is the only girl for him. But this will do no good. He will extol her virtues. This will also do no good. He will eulogise her beauty. Still no good. He will promise his faithfulness and dedication to her happiness. A pattern is emerging. This will continue for around half an hour. As a last resort he shall then pass the maids of honour
some red envelopes containing money. These will be considerably more convincing, and the bride will be free to join her groom.
The First Feast Meanwhile we were filling our faces with a fantastic feast. Incredible for the shear number and quality of the dishes. All of which were very rich and all of which very heavy on meats, fish and fruit. Too many carbohydrates or vegetables would be frowned upon. Not decadent enough.
Fifteen odd dishes later, feeling utterly content and few notches higher on the obesity scale we eventually called a halt to the never ending chain of dishes arriving our way.
Afternoon Activity We were then put it the care of an elderly male guest. He beckoned us to follow him and eventually led us down a track into a small, dark concrete hut containing nothing except a single Mahjong table.
Now China may not be known for its advanced technology, but automated Chinese Mahjong tables are something else. One button press and a central column rises, and the tiles are pushed into the abyss below. Another press and the column sinks back down. Deep within its bowels
the table emits rumbles and crunches that would be familiar in Isengard. Thirty seconds later four slots are revealed around the edge of the table and lines of neatly arranged and perfectly orientated tiles rise serenely into position in front of each player. Remarkable.
My Mahjong abilities were less impressive, partly due to my newness to the game, partly the complexity of the rules, partly the Chinese script involved, but mainly because of the few bowls of local liquor inside me.
Inspecting the facilities Returning to the house we arrived in the middle of another sitting of dinner, so had time to kill. But, as a guest, we also had a duty - to inspect the house’s marriage facilities - the bedroom. There was a steady stream of guests passing through, ensuring the satin bed sheet was suitably ironed, the pillows puffed, the decorations arranged neatly and the large, framed picture of the happy couple above the bed hung straight. There were also three very professionally produced photographic albums of the happy couple in assorted wedding garb to flick through.
The Second Feast At the beginning of dinner, I was still
unsure as to the schedule for the rest of the day, and was wondering when the actual wedding would be. I decided to ask when the couple would be, you know, actually getting married.
“What do you mean?” came the quizzical reply.
“Well, when do they officially get married?”
“Oh they’ve been married for weeks, signed the official document a couple of months ago,” said in a manner that implied that you wouldn’t want them to hassle the guests with some kind of ceremony now, would you? It would distract terribly from all the eating.
And so the eating recommenced. With added vigour. It turned out I had over-egged it at lunch (a mere three hours earlier) and had peaked too soon, but I wasn’t going to let any nauseous feelings of gluttony get in my way: dinner was even more luxurious than lunch. But we completely failed to eat the dishes as quickly as they arrived. Again they began to mount; finely balanced on top of each other until they were four deep in the centre of the table. Like lunch they were all unfailingly delicious. And the bowls of liquor returned as well. Not least for the
groom, who’s duty it is to drink to each guest individually.
It is good practice for a considerate best man to follow the bride and groom around their pleasantries carrying a special bottle of watered down liquor, subtly filling the groom’s bowl with said stuff, trying to keep him upright for as long as possible.
During my toast to the bride and groom I sincerely wished them every haste in producing a son - a traditional Chinese saying I had been taught earlier in the day. It was gratefully received.
Proof of Intimacy However the day’s entertainment wasn’t quite over, there was one last tradition to complete with the bride and groom. They have to demonstrate their intimacy to prove no suspect arrangements had taken place. First was a candid interrogation as to the history of their relationship, and the various stages along the way. And then the games.
The couple had to successfully pop balloons between them by embracing, use their mouths to remove a chopstick floating in a bottle and eat an apple hung from a string while the person holding the string did their best to pull the apple away
at the critical moment. Then lastly, and most entertainingly, the bride had to roll an egg (cooking status unknown) up one of the groom’s trouser legs, and down the other, carefully navigating any obstacles along the way.
At the end of the day all the guests left not only convinced of the couples suitability and happiness but exceedingly well fed. For the bride and groom everything was repeated two days later at the bride’s house.
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