Super-China Vol. 1 (to be continued)

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Julie and I have been in Japan for about a week now, and we're really excited to try to put our thoughts about it into writing. But before we can pick up again and kick off the "Welcome to Japan" series, we figured we'd better issue a long-overdue "Farewell to China" closing to last year's bilbo bloggins. And anybody who ever uses the internet during the months of December and January knows that the only way to achieve closure is through the ever-trustworthy equation: list plus superlatives.

So HERE THEY ARE! Your hot-and-nots for "Julie and Alex Blog Asia" 2008.

Top Experiences (this go-around)
1) The Temples of Angkor
2) Living the good life in Yangshuo
3) Camping on the beach in Ko Tarutao
4) Gibbon Experience in Laos
5) SCUBA Diving in the Gulf of Thailand
6) stumbling into a small-time Lao/Khmer wedding

Best Chinglish
1) Deformed Man Toilet - from a sign on a...
2) Julie, I'm going to STEAL HIS MATTRESS - uhh... "rob the cradle?"
3) I get your means - I understand
4) It gave me deep impression - self-explanatory
5) I go first - see y'all later, I'm out
6) Drinks Aftertaste - the name of an ever-appetizing beverage store in Yangtown
7) A Variety of Bags - the store next-door to Drinks Aftertaste
8) Whores'-house - from conversation with Leo, sounds like he's meeting her Mom

Best Chinese Students' English Names
1) Kitchen
2) Grit
3) Titanic - because he loves the song... from the movie
4) Mr. Wonderful
5) LaTron
6) Style
7) Shooter
8) Sonic
9) Flower - a man
10) Rejoice - originally Joyce, again a man
11) Happy

Best Hostels
1) Julie House - Chiang Mai, Thailand (rooftop balcony hammocks, amazing decor, and the STAFF!)
2) Chris Roma's House - Shanghai, China (The Office DVDs, peeing in the shower, Ruby's rotating boyfriends... ooh-la-la)
3) Lotus Land - Nanning, China (Best Decor, Wii, Cats)
4) Sunset Resort - Phu Quoc, Vietnam (7 seconds from hurdling the balcony to splashing in the ocean, plus our homeys - the 3-man staff)
5) Andaman Resort - Ko Lipe (volleys, palm trees, and ocean breeze)
6) Leela Beach Bungalows - Ko Pha Ngan (prime location, and when I forgot a small bag there, with an irreplaceable journal, they mailed it to me no-charge)

Worst Hostels
1) Charlie House, Bangkok - ugly, boring, dirty, lame location
2) Ayutthaya, Bangkok - paper-thin walls, rudest staff in the Eastern Hemisphere: this lady would audibly "harrumph" if you asked, for example, to see the room rates
3) P Loft, Shanghai - bitches tried to cheat us out of extra money when they realized we were in visa purgatory; and the room smelled like gas
4) #9 Guesthouse, Phnom Penh - super-dirty neighborhood; over-abundance of working girls
5) Seman Hotel, Kashgar, China - tiny, dirty, ugly, and stinky room; awful bathrooms; rude staff

Best Meals (no order)
anything from Shalimar, Ko Tao, Thailand - best Indian food I've ever had
Chao Mian (fried noodles) at Chongching Noodle Bar, Yangshuo, China
Shenzhen Dumplings (bite a hole; suck out the juice) on the street, Yunnan Road, Shanghai
Boiled Beef (double your anticipated beer order) at Sichuan Restaurant, Yangshuo, China
Yu Xiang Qiezi (fish-flavored eggplant) at the same Sichuan Restaurant
stir-fry buffet at Roonie's, Yangshuo, China - and SO CHEAP
Yam Neua at park service HQ in Ko Tarutao, Thailand - spiciest dish I've ever loved
Nam Tok in the lobby restaurant at the Atlanta Hotel, Bangkok - we overpaid for a 4-hour night's-sleep on a layover just to go back for this dish
Sandwich from the lady on the street, Luang Prabang, Laos - weird, but best sandwich ever, for about 30 cents; tiny strands of dried shredded... pork(?)
Jiao Zi dumplings at Wang's, Yangshuo, China - we ate here (sometimes twice a day) for like 8 consecutive days when we first arrived Nan Bu Rou (roasted lamb with naan) at Avral, Urumqi, China
all-you-can-eat/drink (including sake bombs) sushi & teppayaki in Shanghai with Chris Roma & Co.
Zhongguo Gringo Burrito Night, Julie & Alex's apartment, Yangshuo, China

Worst Meals
1) Bangers & Mash, Vientiane - hello, rotgut
2) Pizza, Vientiane
3) Hamburgers that taste like fish, the Rock, Rai Leh
4) sweet taro soup dessert, Nanning
5) all red bean desserts, Asia
6) Pig Knuckle, Up-Down Number 9, Guilin, China - exactly what part of this is digestible?
7) Fish eyeball
surprisingly, fried cricket does not appear on this list, because it's not that bad

Best Bathrooms
1) Jack's Jungle Bar, Ko Lipe, Thailand - if heaven has a latrine, it's modeled after this one; even cooler than the bar
2) Bamboo Inn, Yangshuo, China - first bathtub we'd seen in months
3) Communal Bathrooms at Lotusland, Nanning, China

Julie taking Alex to the hospital highlights
1) Mistaking a casually dressed doctor for a spectator and "dealing" with him as such; "who's this guy?"
2) Fighting with a nurse about Alex getting the ubiquitous ( and unnecessary) IV. After I firmly told her no ( and the nurse after her), I consulted our resident nurse friend Glennys, who said that Alex DID need the IV.
3) Watching the friends of a bloody traffic accident victim assist the staff in carrying the patient into the operating room. All of the men had lit cigarettes dangling from their lips
4) Nearly vomiting in the Taskorgan hospital after seeing the "visitors bathroom". If you've ever seen a house full of cats that shit and piss on the floor, well, take that and substitute cats with humans.
5) Speaking just enough Chinese to ask "Can I take photos?" when Alex was getting stitches for the first time in China.
6) Realizing I've taken Alex to 8 hospitals in 4 Asian countries. So far.

Worst Bathrooms
1) hospital bathroom in Tashkurgan, China - it looks like someone sprayed the floor and walls down with a liquid-shit-hose (this deserves its own category of awfulness!)
2) desert pitstop on the busride from Kashgar to Urumqi, China - just step off the road and squat; no cover except one big rock, and you don't wanna go behind it, trust me
3) pitstop on the busride from Kunming to Shangri-la, China - a single concrete trough that you could smell before you ever even walked off the bus
4) Yangshuo Primary School, China - squatters out in the open, and none of the kids ever remembered to flush
5) "the Exploder" in the northern Thai restaurant in Chiang Mai, Thailand - when Julie flushed, it literally exploded toilet water everywhere
6) Seman hotel, Kashgar - the shower was basically a hole expertly created by taking a hammer to the pipe running over your head

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