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Published: December 15th 2006
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Oh busy, busy, busy. Not with anything very exciting - just dealing with China and all its little eccentricities. Finally, on the 15th November, the heating got turned on. There was a practise run the week before, when I came home to find the bedroom flooded. The exit pipe was aimed directly at the laundry basket. I peered out the window while holding a bucket under it, and noticed that everyone else’s exits via their bedroom windows. Mine wasn’t long enough to do this. Using the pipe from the washing machine as a stop gap, I called Mr Jiang, the bloke ostensibly in charge of the foreign teachers. He got over a couple of workmen fairly quickly. I bundled Artemis into her room (still not sure if she’s allowed here or not), and let them in. They came in, had a look, and said that it was fine. I explained that perhaps I needed my washing machine to be used at least once during the winter period, and would therefore be needing the pipe back. They ummed and ahhed, called another bloke, and sat down to watch basketball while we waited for him, tapping off their cigarette ash onto the floor,
and commenting on how many DVDs I have. The other guy arrived, laden to the hilt with new water box things, spanners and hammers. They banged the pipe several times, each time releasing a fresh gush of smelly brown water. They eventually left, muttering something about coming back later. This went on for a week, every time I sat down to watch a movie, or eat, or take a shower, there would be insistent thumps on the door. These people are impossible to ignore, Chinese people don’t knock once and leave it, as with phoning people, they have taken the time to call, and so must persist until the door or phone is answered, even if there’s no one there. So many times I’ve got home after a day at work, to see 15 missed calls on the landline, one after the other. Each time I heaved Artemis out of sight’s way, coughing loudly every time she whinged or yapped, saying “Quiet” rather loudly when there was a particularly loud bang. The workmen must have thought I had Tourette’s. On about the 16th visit, they brought a screwdriver. Yay, thought I, they must be replacing something. Finally. All my clothes
were grubby, I would finally get my pipe back. They asked for a chair, stood on it by the window, and tried to chisel a hole through the class using a hammer and aforementioned screwdriver. Hmm. I asked them to stop, and try somewhere else. So they started smashing the wall around it. Nope, that wouldn’t do, so I went and got the drill I bought in B&Q when I first got here (when the curtain rail fell down). Their little faces were a joy to behold when they saw it. They finally drilled through the plastic surround of the window, put the short pipe through it, and voila! Problem solved. I hitched the pipe back onto the washing machine, and spent three days doing my laundry, hanging it on the little enclosed balcony area, where it promptly froze.
Warmth everywhere, apart from the bathroom. Someone downstairs hadn’t bled their radiator, so there was no flow. Again, buckets of people coming up to ask me if it was hot, and to turn it on. The building monitor got involved, scary old lady who speaks Shaanxihua (local dialect) rather than Mandarin. She came up with several blokes, and we went
through all sorts of hassle. I bled the cold out the radiator, showing that it could get hot. She explained to the blokes, as you saw the understanding creep across their faces. They asked for something, something to hold water. So I got my trusty bucket. They laughed heartily, saying that it was wonderful how little I understood. Gits. The monitor lady went into my kitchen, and got my store of plastic bags, thast I use for binbags. They filled these up with brown water from somewhere - I stayed sulking in the sitting room. They tied them and threw them outside my front door. Surely a bucket would have been the way to go, but what do I know, I’m a foreigner! The blokes trundled off to do their thing elsewhere, but scary lady stayed. She’d seen my Chinese flashcards on the table, and sat flicking through them. Then, she started writing to me, in scrawly, spiky writing. I tried to ask her to say the words, so I’d have a clue where to start in the dictionary, but she just smiled at me. So, I started looking up the radicals, and slowly worked my way through the sentences she had written, stopping at the end of each to say ‘yes’, or ‘no’. I spent 15 minutes on one particular phrase, until I realised it was her name. Therefore not in the dictionary. Three hours coughing over Artemis’ yaps. Just as she was leaving and I thought I was home and dry, she saw the door to Artemis’ room. Wondering what was in there, she opened it, and Artemis leapt into her arms. She seemed a bit taken aback, but I haven’t heard anything about it since, so it must be OK.
Had to get Artemis some winter supplies, when I took her for a walk in the cold, she plonked down at the front of the building, and refused to move. So I got her a couple of coats, and four tiny little boots for when it snows. She hates then, but it’s better than getting cold paws. Maybe. She’s still thinking about that one, and asserts that at the moment, she doesn’t mind staying in the flat until May, when the cherry blossom comes out. She’s getting huge, she’s at least four times the size she was originally, and is a tough little brute.
Chinese classes are really fun, though am a bit overawed at the moment. When you look words up in the dictionary, they lead onto so many others, and I want to learn them all, so I’m at a bit of a plateau at the moment. But still enjoying it, apart from when people laugh. I told one of my old med students I was studying, she grinned and asked if I knew ‘Ni hao’. This means ‘hello’. I’ve been here for seven months over all. Yes, I do know how to say hello, and why is this so surprising to so many Chinese people. It’s the same with the chopstick thing, I’m always getting asked, even by close friends, if I can use them. They also are amazed that Westerners eat Chinese food, and are always recommending Western restaurants, despite the fact the local dumplings for 20p are far superior to a soggy salad for 5 quid.
Spent two weeks with the postgraduates doing a class on Crime and Punishment. Three of us have class at the same times, so bundled them in together, as from the initial 48 students each, we’re down to 15 between us. We showed Law and Order, and CSI, and then made them role play a court room scenario. Easy, but useful for the students, you have to force them to participate. I can justify it if pushed!
Apart from that, spending time studying, and also down at Fat Boys after school, the little corner shop who sells us beer and puts his table outside for us to sit at, well, it’s now indoors because of the icicles everywhere. We play cards for a yuan a hand, which on a good night can earn you about 2 pounds, as there are usually about 7 or 8 of us hanging out, grumping about the students.
It’s nearly Christmas, according to the calendar. It wouldn’t be obvious otherwise, the only thing faintly resembling Christmas is the street washing trucks, which play Jingle Bells. But they play Jingle Bells all year, so I’ve become immune. The group of us are having a Christmas dinner, someone got hold of Bisto, I’m doing the chicken/turkey on my spit roast in my lovely oven, and we’ve a Scottish fellow hunting down decent sausages. I’ll let you know how it goes!
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Mr. Jiang
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Very funny!!
Erin... It's great reading your stories. It's nice to see that movie star still have problem plumbing problems like us mortals. ;-) Does Artemis speak Chinese or English? Thanks for the great stories!