White in a Sea of Yellow

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I have accepted that I am the minority here. I mean come on, I'm the 14th Caucasian student enrolled at a university with 700 other international students and over 41,000 Chinese students. And I know that it should no longer come as a surprise to me that when I lift my eyes at any given moment - whether I am walking down the street, on the bus, or eating lunch - there will be at least 5 sets of eyes staring back. Still, this incessant feeling like I am under surveillance 24/7 is an odd one. I have never enjoyed being the centre of attention, but here it is inevitable. One of the first realizations that popped into my head when I first came to China was that nobody here knows me...and I will make it my goal to hide my clumsy, uncoordinated and graceless nature. I abandoned that thought almost immediately when I realized that, each time I tripped over nothing or when noodles dripped down my face and splattered onto my lap, I was a constant target of interest to everyone around me. And what's worse is that the students will be able to relive those awkward moments as many times as they wish, as the majority of the time there is a camera positioned in my direction. Yet, what astonishes me the most is that, despite my perpetual awkward and unkempt appearance, the whiteness of my skin somehow makes me "beautiful" in their eyes. I can do no wrong, as long as I remain Caucasian; and they are determined that I remain so, by shielding me from the sun with large umbrellas and long clothes. Moreover, I am not only beautiful, but I am apparently exceedingly talented and brilliant too. I have unconsciously deluded everyone into believing that I can sing, dance, play multiple instruments, and teach university-level molecular biology. They have boosted my ego so much that I myself am beginning to believe I am invincible. Then I get a reality check when I start belting out songs in the shower and my roommate yells for me to shut up. The attention isn't always unpleasant though. It can actually be quite helpful when I am lost (a situation which I am most familiar with) and the locals and students are jumping at the chance to help the "white girl", regardless of my inability to speak their language and my ineffective hand gestures. And I am definitely not complaining about the discount prices at the market, or free dinners from my Chinese friends. Though I cannot eat, walk, pick my nose, or breathe without being gaped at and examined by those around me, none of that matters as long as I have those free dinners...

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