curiosity

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It has taken me 45 years to find my favourite word. On asking a friend, many years ago what his favourite word was, he said ‘humility’. This friend always inspired me with his complete fullness whilst seeming that he lived in total emptiness，through his silence. He will not remember that he once told me that this was his favourite word. I remember his art books lined neatly across his dirty floor, no home on a shelf but finding homes in themselves, in his hands, through his eyes and thoughts - no need for a dead shelf. I once wrote him a 6000 word letter.

I realise that all my life, I have been curious and it is curiosity that moved me on from a paradise of a home in Derbyshire, to learn, to make mistakes, to laugh and cry, be compassionate, to teach my children, to feel so deeply that I lost myself then the feeling cut me, to fall down and get up again, to feel strong again. These are the things I measure the value of my life by - not money or possessions - which come and go.

My curiosity has enabled me to see the small, the tiny, the real things with which I connect to everyday. The gestures, to feel the kindness in movement, the closeness in silence, see the honesty in eyes, to really hear the words, to laugh, and to always move forwards. I do not need to make dances, create culinary delights, or search for inspiration to feed my dreams, the feeling and understanding comes and finds me and since my time is now my own, my curiosity is reawakened.

A course of events flow in a circle - I no longer need to be practical. There is no longer a conflict of desires. I can once again walk and really feel my surroundings and myself. If I desire, I can live in my bed surrounded by books, letters, thoughts and words and a deeper understanding of myself returns and I revert back to that characteristics I once enjoyed in Aukley, and in Holland Road. Yet I know that I am further on than then. I live in the People’s Republic of China - I am a legal resident, I have a job and a future but these are not my travels. The plans I make for the seeing the total eclipse on the top of a mountain are not my travels, my travels are in the people I meet, the knowledge and understanding I gain and the love I can give and eventually receive.

My travels are once again about myself. Something has left me like an old skin and I find I belong more to my personal surroundings and discover that I like it.

Not greedy, not needy, not insecure still giving and with an open heart. With laughter at others and myself.

So, My favourite word is ‘curiosity’ because it is a fundamental part of my nature and a word that I realise that I have always lived my entire life by and I feel that I am lucky to be at another new beginning.

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