Christmas and New Years!

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Wow. So what a holiday i've had. I've spent New Years in Hawaii, with friends, without friends (mostly without friends KUKU! 😞 ) But this year was bar none the best holidays i've ever had. Amazing new friends, amazing new girlfriend (yeah yeah i'm sure you all heard from someone by now.) and an amazing new country. First off let me explain something. Christmas is NOT a holiday that is recognized by the Chinese government. More and more people are celebrating it every year, but it is not a national holiday. That being said.....students still had school. But I didn't. Why? Because i'm white. Yeah there are racists even in China, so I was banned from school on this day. So I had only one day off which was cool because since everyone else still had work and school, there wasn't much to do. Did I get presents? You better believe I did. Although I told everyone not to get me presents as it's not necessary, they all demanded to since it's customary for me or some crap I don't know. I told all the girls they could just give me a kiss for Christmas, but I didn't get any! KUKU

So Christmas Eve I had a half day of school which was great because all my most annoying classes were in the afternoon so I didn't have to see those little scumbags. Instead they threw a party for me and 3 students from each of the classes that I and Donovan teach were allowed to miss class and attend. The students that were allowed to go where considered the best students which is always unfairly judged by their class teachers. Anyway MOST of my favorite students were there. Only one of my wives was there so that was kind of sad. The party was kinda lame. Some students were selected to do some performances. Some kids sang, some kids danced, some kids tried to put on a play, but mostly it was boring. I was interviewed for Shaoyang TV which was cool. Basically all they did was ask me how I liked Christmas in China and no lie, before they started recording my FAO was like "You have to say that you really like it here and say good things." i'm like wtf is this?! So I was like "I hate it here!"

C'mon.....you don't actually think I said that did you? I played nice. Honestly, I didn't have anything bad to say anyway so I just gave the responses they wanted to hear, "Thanks for making me feel so welcome" blah blah blah "I feel like I have a second family here in China" blah blah blah. Unfortunately I forgot I was gonna be on TV so I missed the broadcasting. Maybe they'll give me a tape of it but a lot of students said they saw me on TV and they said that the news reporter said that I was "Very funny" which I guess is cool. Anyway the students bombarded me with gifts which ranged from a giant 3 foot tall blue teddy bear with the word "Dream" on it to a small notebook that all the students wrote a meaningful little message for me. The notes from the students is what I cherish the most. Some students bought me some cool stuff though, like this giant wall scroll thing which a picture on it and some very traditional Chinese ornaments that are perfect souvenirs.

So after the party I was SUPPOSED to go have dinner with San Bao and her cousin and her friends. We were gonna go eat frogs.....not frog legs........just frogs. BUT the school is retarded and demanded to have a dinner on Christmas Eve with me courtesy of the head master. So bleh. We went and it turned out to be pretty fun. The Chinese are big drinkers.......so yeah we had to have drinks with them. So they busted out the Chinese rice wine and some glasses about the size of a thimble. I was like wow this will be easy but boy was I wrong. Chinese rice wine is STRONG and to my dismay the only other thing I had to drink to wash the vomit taste of our my mouth (Vomit was the flavor of the rice wine, I wasn't puking) was the Chinese favorite of.......you guessed it........corn juice. WTF is corn juice?! Well apparently it's liquid corn. And it tastes like drinking creamed corn. It wasn't HORRIBLE but wtf who orders corn juice? Anyway e
veryone kept wanting to individually do toasts to us. I didn't even want to drink but ugh I can't say no because it's so disrespectful and I don't want anyone to lose face when I could just solve the problem by drinking. Plus i'm a dude and they already think i'm really weird since I don't smoke. So we only drank 10 little thimbles, the last one being from the head master and after that he shut us off. He seriously became like a cop and started yelling at anyone who tried to get us to drink more. It was so amazing because I don't think most peoples head masters would look out so much for their foreign teachers. So several people tried to drink with us but they were pulled aside and told very strictly that we weren't allowed to drink anymore which was fine because after 10 thimbles I was feeling pretty tipsy which was crazy. And then some drunk teacher came in. Apparently he just had dinner with his "lover" and he was already drunk. So he comes in yelling Chinglish at us and trying to convince the head master to let us drink. He was really funny but he was embarrassing himself pretty good to the head master. After awhile of just sitting there we were pulled aside by the head master. They knew we had plans to go out with our friends, so they didn't want us to miss any fun. Before we left the FAO and the head master both made sure to make sure A) We didn't stay out too late (Yeah right) and B) Safety was our #1 priority. It's really cool to have a head master and FAO who are genuinely concerned with our safety. I'm convinced that the security guards have to let people know when we come home because our guards seem to love us and always make sure to say hello when they see us.

So I called San Bao and told her to meet up with me and then we went to KTV. There wasn't much to do outside, so KTV was the only option. And our other friend Annie (Zhu Bao) left already so we just sat there. The KTV room we had was rented by Annie's coworkers or something who were nothing but old people singing old people songs. It was really boring so we ran away. That was about it. I walked San Bao to the bus stop and she went home....so we went home. That was Christmas Eve.

Wow ok this whole post will end up being really long. This is what I guess for not updating after Xmas then again for New Years. Oh well deal with it! :D So Xmas was pretty typical. I woke up to go have lunch with San Bao (i'll give you updates/corrections with her in a bit) and came home at like 2:30 for Christmas! Woooo! Opening presents was fun. Random, but it was ok. Got some gloves which is great because now my hands aren't freezing cold. That's like the most useful thing I got. Xmas day was boring. We didn't really do much. In fact, I can't even remember what we did. I think we went out to dinner with Annie and San Bao and some people but to be honest, I can't even remember. Oh! I remember! I went to a party one of my classes was having. These kids are crazy. They're really smart, but it's a class of girls basically. And they are WILD. ALWAYS excited and screaming and chanting and being girls basically. Anyway their class teacher is a good friend of mine so yeah I participated for awhile and they shot silly string everywhere which I don't know why the stores were selling silly string......seems like a terrible idea to sell it at school. Then yeah, we went to eat with San Bao and Annie. Not too eventful. We went to Cheng Nan Park and walked around and nothing exciting was happening so we went home.

Over the next few days we had class like normal and chilled. I've been seeing San Bao almost every day so that's been good. Just to correct, she LIVES in Xinshao with her parents and she WORKS in Shaoyang. So every day she comes to Shaoyang. She works with China Telecom and i've watched her working and it seems really boring. Basically people run in with these little forms, she takes them, puts a stamp on them, writes something down, and that's it. Holy boredom Batman! She hates her job which I would too but her uncle is the boss of the building so I guess she gets perks or something I dunno. She went to school in Changsha for a long time as an Accounting major (yuk yuk yuk I did that too) and for a short time was a singer there until she quit because she hated the music she sang. Umm what else? The whole wants to get a job in Shaoyang thing was that she wants to get a DIFFERENT job there. I don't know man, it was the first time meeting the girl and who knows when the last time she spoke English was. In fact, her English is actually a lot better than I initially thought and now that she always practices with me she is improving very quickly. So we have so much in common. I found out that she basically knows how to do all the stuff that i've always wanted to learn how to do. She does hip hop dancing, popping, plays the piano, speaks Chinese, her major in school was accounting, I mean c'mon. She's basically the female version of me, cept not ugly and actually interesting to talk to. So anyway, she's my girlfriend now and i've got the green card and divorce papers ready to go.

So I told you I was gonna go meet the other foreign teacher from Xinshao. So we meet him and it turns out that I already know the guy. His name is Cam and I met him and talked to him in Yangshuo which was weird. We walk up to him and introduce ourselves and we're just like .......I already know you. He's from Australia and looks like Mr Bean cept freaking gigantic. This guy is like 6'7 or something I dunno. He's big. It must be all the marmite the Aussies eat. So we go to this restaurant called Orange which is a western restaurant. We order steaks and wine which the steaks turned out to be very good. Turns out the restaurant is owned by a guy that is the best friend of the husband of the girl Donovan tutors in English. Yeah, I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy kind of thing. But since they're all best friends or whatever, they always go there. So we sit there for like 2 hours or so just chatting and eventually the girl Donovan tutors comes in. Her name is Yang Ting Ting. And if you really wanna be confused, she's the best friend of my Assistant FAO Flora. So my FAO's best friends husbands best friend is the owner of this restaurant. So guess what? That makes the owner of the restaurant my good friend too! So Yang Ting Ting eats there and comes down and is like "yeah you guys don't have to pay" so we're like sweet! Free steaks! This is why it's good to know a lot of people in China. I have met the guy too, his name is Lee Guo and he's pretty nice. He also owns a bar in town which i'll talk about ........now.

So ooooon New Years we decide to hit up Lee Guo's bar to celebrate. So me, Donovan and Cam go in. Cam goes there every week so he knows a couple people which works to our advantage. I hate bars in America, but bars in China are so much fun. At least this one is. So we go in and meet the door chick who is a cute girl (who we later found out is a lesbian) and we go to the bar and Cam buys us a beer. Gross. Beer tastes like urine but whatever. So we're sitting there and a guy that has met Cam before comes up and briefly talks to us and then leaves. About 20 minutes later we're like lets find that guy, so we go to his table. Immediately we're welcomed with drinks. Now the Chinese drink something very strange. They drink Whiskey and tea. It's actually really good, but EXTREMELY weak. So everyone that we see wants to do a toast with us so we just keep drinking......and drinking.......and drinking. The tables were really close together too, so eventually the dude behind me comes over and does a bunch of drinks with me. Then we start playing the drinking games. The Chinese drinking games I don't understand. First there's a dancing drinking game where you do this really lame dance and the first one to mess up has to drink. The next is some dice rolling game that I don't understand how to play, and the last one is seriously rock, paper, scissors. It's difficult with 6 people playing at once, but everyone has to throw the same thing, or only two different things. For example if rock, paper, AND scissors is thrown, it's a do-over. but if ONLY Rock and paper is thrown then the people who throw rock battle it out til there's only one etc. I dunno, it's confusing and i'm left to figure out how to play on my own but whatever. So EVENTUALLY these people we're with go home and we're like crap! It's only 11:20 so we are off to find more people to drink with. This is the strategy......go from table to table and drink all their booze. And this strategy works really well. We walk up to any table and yell something.......which was perfect since it was New Years we'd yell HAPPY NEW YEARS, then they would yell HAPPY NEW YEARS and we'd do a bunch of shots. Then we'd get bored or the shots would slow down and we'd be off to another table.

We were at this table with cute girls for the actually New Years hitting 0:00. There wasn't a countdown or anything, just normal loud music playing and then someone is like "oh snap it's 12." So there was hugs all around. I met these 3 gay dudes in the bar and one seemed really upset. They basically introduced themselves as gay dudes. It was weird but whatever man. Anyway these people left and we found our last table which was the best table. They spoke English well and were young kids. So we're good friends with them now. One dude is named Monkey who is 18 and his girlfriend Tang Yuan is also 18. I guess they work at the bar or something I'm not sure. So we spent the rest of the night with them. The bar closed and we ran away to find food. We ate with them blah blah blah. The door chick was with us and turns to Cam and flat out says (through translation) "I'm going home with you tonight" we're all like WHOA WTF. So they leave and we're happy for them. APPARENTLY though, they are halfway to Cam's home and the chick is like "Sorry, I don't speak English" and jumps out of the cab and runs away haha. I laughed so hard when I heard that.

So anyway, last night was Monkey's birthday so we went back to the bar to celebrate. It was a good time. More free booze. The strategy of table hopping is so great. Since we're foreigners, everyone wants to drink with us. They feel honored to be drinking with us. It's kinda stupid because it should be bloody obvious we're just a bunch of moochers. Oh well. I didn't drink much though, I came with San Bao this time so we were basically dancing the whole time. The Chinese bars are the only place i'll dance because the Chinese attitude is so great. It doesn't matter, you just dance out of boredom, no one cares if you dance terrible or well. In America everyone is always judging you, so it's like ok whatever I don't want all these douchebags to be looking at me like "look at this retard." In China it's great. And it's even more great that since i'm a foreigner I can dance like Super White Boy and they still love it. So we would get up on stage and dance and all this stuff and it was really a lot of fun. So we had a good time. Another thing I don't understand about China though, is that when it's someone's birthday, they always get a cake. but no one ever eats the cake.....it always ends up on everyones face. It never fails. Every birthday party i've been to here the cake was ignored and they just throw it at each other. Crazy kids. It's tough to accurately get out all the fun that i've had this holiday, but needless to say it's difficult to top this.

Oh and San Bao helped me buy a phone the other day. So now I have a phone. I figure they are cheap here, and this phone will work in the US, and it's not available there and it's cool so I bought it. If you want specifics it's a Nokia 5000. Nokia is like the best service here so yeah. It's nice, takes good pictures and stuff. Plus I only pay 25 yuan a month. That's the US equiv of $3.66 per month. So take that. Course texting is gonna kill me. And it kinda sucks because I didn't have my passport at the time, and I didn't know that i'd need it. So my phone is in San Bao's name haha. I don't know if they have credit here so I don't know if that's good or bad. She kept saying it was no problem, no problem, so whatever, i'll take her word. It only screws her over if it is a problem. But also, since she works at China Telecom she gets free phones that have money on em every month. So she's gonna get me another phone in like 2 months or something that I can use for free that her company pays for. Yeah that's right.....there are no business ethics here. C'mon if your company kept giving you free phones you'd do the same thing! Ok it's late. This might be delayed because I'm waiting for more pictures to put on this thing. San Bao has lots of pictures of us that i'm waiting for her to give to me. So whatever i'm out! Next stop....CHENGDU!

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Photos

Xmas Party
In the canteen. Left side!

Xmas Party
Right side.

Xmas Party
Middle. And they gave us that Christmas tree, which will stay up all year i'm sure.

Xmas Party students
My sister (Taresa), me, and I don't know the other girls' names. They're not even my students.

Xmas Party student
Angela, me, and my brother Cash.

Xmas Party
Me and the Photographer. This guy takes TERRIBLE photos.

Xmas Tree
Our Christmas tree with our presents on Christmas morning! Whee!

Me!
I'm so cute!

San Bao and I
At KFC

San Bao and I
My phones takes nice pictures.

San Bao
ke ai

me
So many photos!

San Bao and I again
At Jia Hui supermarket. Everyone thought we were crazy.

Annie and her boyfriend
I don't think i've ever gotten his name. He's cool though.

San Bao again
I was taking too long to buy food. It's not my fault they're slow!

Yawn
Yup. Sorry but these are the only pictures i've taken in like a month.

Us AGAIN
Probably the best pic of me ever.

Last one
Ok that's it! Now go away!

Comments

[Karen Wade]

Mim commenting
Great blog, Andy.... I enjoy every one of them. I love seeing all of the pictures. You look happy and you have a very cute girlfriend. Keep the blogs coming. You have some lurking relatives viewing and enjoying them too. Happy NEW Year!!!

[Karen]

again
Hey Andy, don't you have any thing else to talk about?