Yi, Er, San, Su

---

I suppose if you are ever in a country long enough the native people will finally get to you. Four things happen, well at least for me they have and I think I reached the last one.

When you first come to China, there is the almost rock star like attention that is paid to you. You are followed, smiled at, said hello to, asked for your signature, all the while smiling happily as if the paparazzi was there filming every move and it was Academy Award time.

The second is well just like all the flashbulbs make you weary, and you get tired of being on all the time, you withdraw slightly, you still smile, but the façade is just barely able to support the tumultuous feelings in your stomach, or is the fish with the peppers, I can never really remember.

The third is perhaps anger or loathing, anyone with their eyes halfway wide open will see the world for what it is, sometimes beautiful, sometimes harsh, or just sometimes just there. I passed that stage a while back as there was an incident that made me wake up and say “hey, just because they smile at you doesn’t mean they like you”. A note on that, this is not a bashing of all Chinese, just as there are many bad, Americans, Europeans, Africans, etc. The other interesting thing is that you sometimes get the feeling that you are 12 again, and that you cannot do anything for yourself…The infamous “have a rest” I love the concept, but rest is rest, a nap is a freaking nap…, plus if you work a lot as I am doing, there is “oh you are so busy you must feel tired” Well no shit Sherlock, but do you need to remind me of that fact at every meeting.

After you go through that stage you are at the most crucial in your decision to stay or go. I never considered going, but I always thought about leaving. But, I stuck it out, I had too, I had to see how the story ends. There are too many chapters in my life that when you just start to get interesting the pages go blank.

The fourth I reached today. I was riding back from a shower and a “rest” in my boss’s car and there was a lady on the street, she was begging for money. Now normally, I would stop and give something if I was the driver, or if he or she would ask, but she never came to my window. On her back was this beautiful boy, he was no more than four or five, but, have you ever seen kids that were just so exhausted that they were just flat, almost lifeless in your arms as you held them? That is what he looked like…it absolutely was the most heart wrenching, tearful moments that I have had in China. There was this was this almost stoic, National Geographic faces, and I just wept, wept as if I had just lost my best friend.

I hope she is ok, I hope she has a warm blanket, I hope that boy is smiling when he wakes up.

I know there is not a description to the fourth and I am still trying to find the next great word. Perhaps the best I can come up with is Sadness, which is what I felt, and trust me those that know me, I am more depressed than sad on most days.

Welcome to life Joe Johnston, welcome to what it is like to finally be awake, aware, and able to communicate with people that do not have a fucking clue as to what you are saying and vice versa because me not understanding Chinese, but somehow it turns out to be alright.

---

Photos

Just a man...
I took this a long time ago, it was in Xingtai during the May Day holiday. It says so much to me, and I hope that when I am his age, I can look and feel as content as he did when I asked to take his picture.