Doughty does China - Act III

---

Scene I - 04/11/07

On many occasions throughout Asia after purchasing a bus ticket I've been left to my own devices pondering on what it is that I'm meant to do next. In China even more so, what makes it even more confusing is when everybody starts running about and shouting at each other like they are in some sort of Chinese version of Eastenders, and it seems at times that they don't even know what's going on themselves, which at times doesn't make me fill as left out.

On this occasion upon purchasing my bus ticket from Guilin to Yangshuo the guy that served me pointed to a little red stall about 6cm's in height propped up against the wall and gestured for me to sit. I think the only thing that was missing now was a dunce's hat. It seemed to be rush hour as everyone was thrashing about frantically in order to get to their destinations, although to be fair it always seems to be rush hour in China. So I sat on my little red stall and watched the world buzz past whilst awaiting my bus.

About half and hour later I was ushered away to a 'BIG GREEN BUS' and all was well. One thing to note about the spitting malarkey in China is that you hear them hucking there phlegm together in the strangest of places. For instance en route to Yangshuo on the 'BIG GREEN BUS'. I heard a guy from somewhere near the back of the bus clear his throat and draw up a flobby sward of phlegm, the bus however didn't actually have any windows in which could be opened in order to dispose of such unholy matter. So where did it go? No idea, to this day it remains the case of the missing phlegm, surely he didn't donate it to the floor of the bus? Although I'm at that stage now in China where that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

All was quite jolly on the 'BIG GREEN BUS' until the final hour. I was sat next to a lady and her baby and it became apparent that the baby had decided to start making some homemade chocolate cakes. I don't know what the lady had been feeding that thing but it stunk to high heaven and when time finally came to depart the 'BIG GREEN BUS' it wasn't a moment to soon and it came as a shock to me that anyone survived that child's evil reign of terror.

Upon escape of the 'BIG GREEN BUS' my destination was the 'International Youth Hostel'. As per usual when getting off the bus it's the same old pandemonium:

'Where you go? Where you go?'

I told some guy where I was headed and he pulled out a card displaying 'International Youth Hostel' which I found to be most convenient, almost to convenient. There was a French couple that were also after the same hostel as me. I enquired as to how much a dorm bed would be to which he replied that the dorms were full tonight. I said I'd have to find somewhere else with a dorm then as I need cheap. He then pulled me to one side away from the French couple and said 'It's ok, cheap cheap for you' and then went 'Shhh' to me as if he didn't want the French to hear him. I thought this to be a little odd as most International Youth Hostel's have a fixed price for their rooms but after just getting off the 'BIG GREEN BUS' and straight into the usual anarchy my head was a little scatty and I thought no more of it.

Upon arrival at the hostel I was shown to a room that looked exactly the way the room's looked on the brochure. The room looked really clean, had a TV, water dispenser, en suite shower and hole in the floor and a big double bed just for one, it looked pricey! I asked how much it was and the guy asked how many nights I would be staying to which I replied one in here and then one in the dorm I guess, he then said that the dorm was pre-booked and full again the next day meaning that I would have to stay in this room for two nights. He then went on to quote a ridiculous price for the room which was by no means cheap for my pockets. I told him that my guidebook says that 'Monkey Janes' has cheap dorm rooms and maybe I should go there instead. 'Yes but Monkey Janes is dirty' he replied.
'I like dirty' I said, 'dirty means cheap'.
'Oh, ok ok' he said and knocked the price down a little, but still not enough for my liking. So I picked up my bag and made way for the door, it seemed that every step closer to the door that I got the cheaper the room became, I stopped when the price was just to irresistible and struck a deal, I ended up getting the two nights for a mere 3 quid, nice!

After handing over my money and paying for the room from no where the guy asks 'You want Chinese woman?' then he pats the bed and presses down on the mattress as if to ensure its durability. I was like 'err...no thanks, thats ok'
'Very cheap' he replied 'I organise for you'
'No, no seriously that won't be necessary' I said.
'Ok, so what you do tomorrow'?
'Well I'm not entirely sure yet, but perhaps I'll hire a bike and go and explore'
'Ok I get you Chinese woman and you take condom out into the country, very safe' was his instant reply.
'Ahh! Look, I don't need any prostitutes thank you very much.'
'Ok, you happy?' he said somewhat out of the blue .
(WHAT???) 'Erm...yes I'm fine thanks'
'Ok bye' he said approaching the door'
'Yeah bye' I replied. 'Weirdo!'

After the weirdo's footsteps down the hallway had faded and died I grabbed a map of the city and went in search for West Street which is where all the westerners head! I hadn't seen any in a while so I thought I'd go and take a peek. According to my map the street was just around the corner from the hostel, but when it came down to the crunch of finding the street I struggled some what. All the street names I was stumbling across didn't appear to be on my so called map. I wondered about for an hour or so before giving up on the map to wander about aimlessly instead, it was then that I stumbled across another hostel that also went by the title of 'International Youth Hostel'. It was here that I discovered that I had checked into a carbon copy hostel, I felt somewhat infiltrated but from here I was at least able to locate the street names that coincided with my map in order for me to find West Street, which was mostly full of westerners looking.....western.

It was quite a nice little cobbled street packed with bars, restaurants and souvenir shops, I picked up Pink Floyds 'The Wall' for a squid which I was quite chuffed about. The street was also an exhaust free zone as cars and bikes were banned so I didn't have to worry about becoming roadkill.

I found the weather here in Yangshuo quite tolerable, it was a bit like Spring trying to get into Autumns knickers. Although when I went to climb the nearby Green Lotus Peak I was turned away and told that the route was to wet and slippery. Which was kind of good of them to have the decency to say so as I know in a lot of Asian countries they would just take your money and let you risk it, and me being me I would usually risk it, but not on this day it would seem. I would have to try again tomorrow.

As I retired for the evening to watch some TV I struggled to find anything I could actually understand, they don't even have BBC world out here, apparently it's banned which would also explain why I couldn't get onto the BBC's website to check the football results, for what reason I can not say.....because I don't know. So I settled for some reading.

At about 9:30pm there came a knock on the door, 'Err...hello?' I said.
'Hello, you ok?', it was the weirdo.
'Err...yeah I'm great thanks, bye!'
'Can I speak to you' came the voice again.
I climbed out of the comfort of my bed and opened the door. The weirdo comes waltzing in and sits his arse on the end of my bed and trys to spark up a conversation with me.
'You like your room?' he said.
"Yes, very nice thank you'
'Two windows', he points to the two windows in the room.
'erm....yes' I replied.
Then he picks up my book and flicks through it and puts it down again losing my page.
'Good book?' he says.
"Yes it's alright, look can I help you as I was just about to go to bed?' still stood next to and holding the door wide open.
'The boat trip tomorrow' he starts.
'What boat trip?' He was after flogging me some rip off tour.
'You need to be down stairs at 8am and it costs....'
I cut in, 'Look I don't want to go on any boat trip, if I want anything I'll come and let you know ok?'
'Ok, ok' he said shortly followed by 'You happy?'
'Yes I'm happy thank you'. He began to walk to the door and turned and made one last desperate attempt to try and get some money out of me.
'You want Chinese lady?'
"No I don't want a Chinese lady, goodnight' and I closed the door. I heard a muffled 'goodnight' from the other side of the door. The guy was unbelievable. I should of perhaps bought up the fact that I knew that his hostel was a clone hostel but I'd already paid for my two nights so there wasn't really to much I could have done about it anyway, so I let that slide. Thankfully that was the last I saw of the little weirdo.

Flob count: 16.

Scene II - 05/11/07

Before heading out this morning for curiosities sake I asked the lady in reception who I hadn't seen before how much it was for a dorm bed to which she confirmed there wasn't any dorms, a response that I half expected. But anyway there was nothing I could do about it so I just got on with my day.

After an excellent Chinese breakfast of noodle soup, beef dumplings and green tea I hired myself a mountain bike and headed out into the countryside. The weather today was of a completely different orientation to yesterdays, like a hot English summers day, perfect for a bike ride. I was largely impressed with the scenes of Guilin but the surrounding area of Yangshuo had a whole new dish to offer, the scenery was just superb. I've never seen anything quite like it, freakish limestone karst peaks for as far as the eye can see, I just couldn't keep my camera in my pocket.

I climbed one freak called Moon Hill which has a moon shaped crescent at it's peak. On the way to the peak the surrounding trees were clogged with chipmunks dotting about arguing amongst themselves. 1251 steps up and I could have stood there all day in awe. If anyone ever goes to China then there is no way on earth that you should miss out on this gem.

After descending Moon Hill I biked a short way to see the 1500 year old Banyan Tree, which I thought was looking good for it's age. I locked my bike up close by next to a random camel and a monkey in carnie clothes and went for a walk through a nearby village. It was so quiet and sleepy that you could have heard a pin drop. I see about three people and the odd chicken here and there clucking about. It didn't take long to walk through the village before I was out in the sticks again. It was here that I felt totally in my element. The sun was beaming, the birds were singing, the cattle were chewing their cud, not another human soul insight bar myself, quality. It made such a pleasant change from the big Asian concrete jungles that I have found myself almost welded to of late.

In the later part of the afternoon I returned to Yangshuo and handed back my bike and went to see if Green Lotus Peak was accessible today. Well it was and I must say after paying the most that I've had to pay so far to get into a national park that I was quite disappointed. You can't even actually climb to the peak, the steps go to barely quarter of the way up. There was however one thing to get excited about in the park, they had a western dunny. This is the first one that I had come across so far on my travels of China. Suddenly the admission price to the park seemed to equate to good value for money, oh how it flows so much more easily than a hole in the floor job!

I still have a long way to go yet in China and despite checking into a slightly dodgy hotel Yangshou thus far has been one of the true highlights of my travels and to all I endorse.

Flob count: 13

A.O.B
06/11/07 - Back in Guilin - 19 Flobs
07/11/07 - Guilin / Kunming - 23 Flobs
08/11/07 - Kunming / Lijiang - 32 Flobs

---