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Published: October 19th 2012
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CHINA: What does Donkey taste like? Just like Horse!
Within my first month of marriage Denise announced that I did not need to do any more cooking... preferred her cooking to mine.
I wasn't offended...no Sirree...couldn't believe my luck.
I had married not only a blonde hottie...but one whose passions were me...and cooking!
Maybe it was my Signature Dish..."Cold Cucumber Soup".
Dice a couple of cucumbers...into a saucepan of water...can of condensed milk for creaminess...bring to the boil...add cayenne pepper often as necessary for taste...cool and then add cold diced cucumber for texture...and serve.
Took that to a Dinner Party...I providing first course...only one finished it...made it a joke he had the ability to do so!
Or maybe it was my Lamingtons for a Bad Taste Night...sponge rubber soaked in chocolate...sprinkled with shredded coconut...stretchy as.
One guy tried to eat one from my fingers...bit the end...stretched six inches...you should have seen his face...No...I didn't let go!
So when I took Denise to China on my
"David Hoo Tours...Your Travel Experts With Minimal Experience...but Maximum Optimism"...
...I was determined that she ate well. Snake We are in Beijing...the
famous Donganmen Night Market...just off Wanfujing Dajie...with Tony & Bahia also from Sydney...time for a snack.
Gotta say it was difficult to choose...heaps of neat stalls...heaps of variety.
Seahorses, cicadas, grasshoppers, scorpions, jellyfish, frog legs, testicles, snakes, starfish...deep fried...served on a satay stick.
No way I can eat any of those...but I brought the guys here...
"Ummm...one snake...um...and one frog legs please." Guy next to me smiling...thumbs up...cockroach crunching on his teeth.
The snake was warm and chewy...felt slimey as it slithered down my throat...cameras flashing...gotta look as if this is no big deal...only a few bites.
Tried the frog legs...four sets on a stick...not like the ones at Chez Renee at home...can still taste the snake.
A begger woman going through garbage bins...scavenging for a feed...very dishevelled.
Walked to her and handed her the remainder of the snake & frog legs...which was most of it...black dull eyes flickering with delight...bukachee...you are welcome.
And from then on...every time we left the hotel...her dishevelled figure would make a bee-line for us...with a companion...her baby.
Farmer Homestyle Soup We are in Datong...Shanxi Provence...to see Yunggang Grottoes...the Hanging Monastery...Mu
LAMB
Beijing Ta...a blog to look forward to...time for dinner.
Tea from teapots with the longest spouts I have ever seen...poured a metre from our table...amazing skill...menus mostly in Chinese...really flowery names.
Pretty well the only one that made sense was the Farmer Homestyle Soup
..."for two please". Deep brown liquid with all sorts of goodies...we starved...wolfing it down...then...
"AAAHH...ITS A CENTIPEDE"...sick look on our faces.
Still makes me gag thinking of it.
The Farmer Homestyle Soup was a collection of clotted pig's blood, worms, centipedes, greebies from the Black Lagoon.
I think we'd better order something else!!!
Imparting my Gastronomy...Teaching the Chef The following morning...breakfast...not Western fare
..."How about some eggs...two fried eggs please?" Waitress goes into the kitchen just there...group gathering around her...returns.
"I am sorry...the chef does not know how to cook that." Pardon?...disbelief...only restaurant anywhere in the World...where the chef cannot fry an egg.
You think I'm joking...I'm not!
Ended up I was invited into the kitchen...met the Breakfast Chef...he's also the Egg Chef...young guy no English...he showing me he would serve it with the whites watery...eager for me to teach him how to
HUTONG KITCHEN
A feast of dishes on only two burners fry an egg...the Western way!
Using the skill of ages...after all I had looked after myself before Denise...flipped...neat thin skin of white on top...no runny white...yoke ready to erupt...served to perfection...just how I like it.
Had quite a crowd by the time I had finished...these guys think I'm "a Master Chef".
Pity I don't have the time to teach him my Cucumber Soup!
Next morning the breakfast chef brought fried eggs to our table...biggest grin on his face...perfectly done.
"He'd been practising" the waitress told me.
Chicken Soup We are in Guilin in Guangxi Provence...to see the famous limestone karsts...some caving...into the mountains...private tour...just us, our Guide Peter and driver Mr Lee...it's time for lunch.
Peter usually went over the top with our meals...so just a simple meal please...can't remember what we ordered, but it did not include soup.
But soup we got...Speciality of the House they said...specially for you...massive bowl...spoons provided.
Smooth translucent light yellow broth...hot on the lips...tastes subtle...UNTIL...
My spoon contains a foetus...tiny head, tiny claws, tiny wings, tiny beak...the soup is full of them!!!
It's full of unborn baby birds!!!
Had
HUTONG BANQUET
All cooked on two burners in the Hutong Kitchen to search for Peter...there he is in the kitchen
..."What's that soup? We didn't order soup!" "Chicken Soup...it is Chicken Soup" "No its not" I declared.
"It's not Chicken Soup...it's...it's Canary Soup...sorry...we can't eat it!!! Donkey We are in Chengde...Hebei Provence...the summer mountain playground of the Qing Emperors...our hotel in the grounds of a Tibetan Monastery.
We had earlier had to change rooms as our bathroom tap didn't work. After settling in, Denise can't find something...must have left it in our old room...I'll have a look.
Just walked into the room...started looking around...startled...movement behind me...turn...
There was a middle aged man in his jocks...leaping out of the bed.
Sorry...I'm out of here!!!
Dinner time.
They had to find the only guy in the place who spoke English for us...really difficult when he had a day off...but he's here tonight...pleased to see you.
Tibetan meals...but Chengde is Nthn China...no yaks around here...perusing the menu...
"Can you help me please? What does Donkey taste like?" "Oh"...he said..."It's just like Horse." Of all the meals I have had in my China travels...the best was the
BREAD
Pingyao, Shanxi Donkey that night...served like a casserole...unbelievably good.
Don't really want to try Horse though!
Dong We are in Pingan...the mountains of Dragon Backbone Terraces in Guangxi Provence...middle of Winter...we the only tourists up here...mist thick and enveloping.
Our cook of the Dong Nationality...amazing spread laid out for lunch...tasty as...and we are starved.
Then I heard it.
Then again.
Sounded like some exotic musical instrument from down the valley...the call of a horn.
"I'll be back in a minute" I said...then disappeared down the mountain...leaving Denise at the table.
I did not return to my sumptuous lunch as expected...was missing for hours.
Vanishing into the mist...following a strange sound.
Reckless or inspired?
Well...that's another story.
Relax & Enjoy,
Dancing Dave
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Wot! No Canary Soup????
We have a similar thing here; duck embryos eaten straight out of the shell...disgusting I know! Anyway, it sounds like you bravely took one for the team, yet again I might add, by sampling many of the culinary 'delights' that China has to offer. Mind you, you haven't really lived until you have had a Lassie kebab. If you ever find yourself in 'Nam, the first bowl of dog meat is on me ;)