Night of the Living Tuk Tuk Drivers

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Sorya Bus Station. Bit of a mess at 7:30 in the morning, but I found my bus and seated myself comfortably beside the window. The driver jumped the gun a little, until one woman spoke up and informed the driver her husband wasn’t even on the bus yet. As we waited for him several other passengers boarded and the bus filled quickly in the minutes leading up to our 7:45 departure. In the end we left a little late, but not too bad.

It was hard to decide whether to focus on the incredible scenery or the terrible Khmer dubbed Korean film with Korean subtitles. I understood very little given my limited fluency in Korean and even more limited knowledge of Khmer. That being said, I got the impression the Director was just as confused. So I kept gazing admiringly out the window at the passing landscape of rice fields, palm trees and cute little grass huts and stilted houses.

At the first stop the guy sitting beside me bought a bag full of deep fried crickets. Given my recent brush with some sort of ugly mystery intestinal poisoning I passed on the creepy crawlers and opted for a simple baguette and pineapple. I was, however, blessed with the delightful crunching sound of cricket chewing for the next hour and a half. Appetizing!

Overall the ride was pretty good. A little terrifying and a couple of times my life passed before my eyes as we barely dodged large flammable trucks, but such is high speed driving in Cambodia. I may have been a little more relaxed if I hadn’t been sitting in the front seat where I could see the driver frequently looking up to watch the crappy movie instead of the oncoming traffic. But we made it on time and then the fun began.

When you get off the bus in Siem Reap you are literally swarmed by tuk tuk drvers. It’s almost impossible to get off the bus and you are grateful to make it out in one piece. They offer to take you anywhere for one dollar, which is great. But the low price comes with one small condition: you must hand over your soul to them for the duration for your stay in Siem Reap. I wasn’t prepared to do that, so my tuk tuk driver and I got into a bit of a spat.

Here’s the situation: there’s not that much to do in Siem Reap itself. All the temples and stuff are outside the city, and that’s where the tuk tuk drivers make their money. So the reason you get accosted by ten thousand of them at the bus station is because they all want you to book your temple visits and excursions with them right away so they have guaranteed income for the next few days. Fair enough.

However, here was my perspective. I was exhausted from a sleepless night and long bus ride and still feeling like warmed over death from the mystery gut poisoning, so I really just wanted to get to my guesthouse and not move for many hours. Also, after my experience with the taxi driver/ con artist in Phnom Penh I wasn’t handing over my transport-needing soul to anyone if they couldn’t even get me to my guesthouse. So I told him I wasn’t signing any contracts in blood until I had a chance to evaluate his performance, or at the very least until I found myself safely at the door of the Happy Guest House. But the guy just wouldn’t budge. He wasn’t taking me anywhere until I promised him my business for the next six days, and I wasn’t promising him my business for the next six days until he took me where I wanted to go. We were at a standstill. A veritable Cold War of the Cambodian tourism industry.

I discovered that the best way to get things moving when you’re bargaining in Cambodia is to say something along the lines of “that’s okay, I’ll just get it from that other guy.” Suddenly the price is miraculously halved and you’re on your way. This is how I ultimately won round one with the evil tuk tuk driver.

We finally arrived safely at the Happy Guesthouse. I gave him his money and asked if he had a card so I could contact him regarding my future tuk tuk needs. He said he did not. I asked if he had a phone number where I could reach him, but he refused to give it because he said he gave it to too many people and then they never called him. (I was tempted to tell him it was probably because he was a whiny obnoxious jerk, but I bit my tongue.) I asked how I was supposed to reach him to let him know when and where to pick me up, but the only solution he was prepared to offer was “decide right now.” I told him I just arrived and needed some time to work out my schedule, but instead he thought it would be better if he decided my schedule for me. I did not share that sentiment. So he budged a little more and told me he would return at 6:00 that evening to get my final answer. I explained that I might be meeting a friend for dinner and I wasn’t sure what time that would be, so I didn’t want to have to schedule my entire trip around this stubborn tuk tuk driver. “Be here 6:00!” he declared, at which point I finally put the debacle to rest and walked away into the comfort of my glorious $6 king size bed private ensuite with free wi fi.

Here’s the footnote: I actually knew exactly what I was doing that entire week and had it planned meticulously to the millisecond on a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet and with extensive logistic details in another 3 column chart that I had printed up in my anal retentive travel file. I literally could have taken it out and shown him at that very moment. Truth be told I just thought he was a tool. Even if he had given me his number, he was right, I wouldn’t have called him! As a general rule I don’t make it a habit when a person creeps me out to agree to spend a week with them and give them money for it.

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