The Crab King's Word is Truth

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Hello readers,

My ears are currently filled with strange tasting pool water...a subtle blend between mild chlorine, urine and the sweat of perspiring tourists. Refreshing. I suspect a portly German fellow for at least two of these ingredients (That chlorine bastard). I also believe that several micro-organisms somewhere close to my ear-drum are currently in disagreement as to whether to give me a cold or not. One seems to think it should let me have it... the other one is holding him back saying: "He's not worth it mate, just leave it."

He's right - I'm not (what makes you worth a cold?). Though, this has nothing to do with anything really, except maybe one thing... If these two micro-organisms were somehow able to rapidly evolve, (into something not shit), they would have a far better method of solving their lesser microbial disagreements...

Some call it "THE CRAB OFF"... others prefer to put their claws where their mouths are, and call it nothing at all. Then there are those insane enough to believe that this game was given to mortals in a moment of madness and brilliance...from the God's themselves.

In a moment comparable to Einstein's completion of "The Theory of Relativity", we came up with "THE CRAB OFF" sometime during our recovery from my drunken birthday celebrations. We had survived the long and arduous struggle through nausea and sleepiness to reach the pool during our mid-afternoon break. I can't remember what the disagreement was about...I don't care - if I could, It would matter not because the outcome of THE CRAB OFF is final. (The Crab King's word is truth.)

The game is simple... Two to four contenders sit across from each other in a circular jacuzzi (currently known as "The Crab Shack"). One of these contenders is usually the "King Crab" who has earned this title through a previous contest.

On the Kings command a "Claws Up"'position is declared and each contender must raise their claws out of the water (similar to a wild west pre-noon bell gong and the finger waggle of anticipation). The King (who is named King regardless of gender or species) will then initiate the "Crab Off"...

All claws lunge back under the water and are passed around the outside of the knees in order to lift the body off the ground. The contenders then proceed to "crab around" the jacuzzi in a clockwise fashion in an attempt to inflict a "Crab Out". You are "Crabbed-Out" if someone manages to hit shoulders with you, or if you can't handle the heat and you fall into the center of the Crab-Pool. The punishment of a Crab-Out is an immediate backwards eviction into the main-pool. We haven't come up for a name for it yet, so I'll call it the Crab Cauldron for now. Makes sense really.

If the CRAB OFF is involving the King, the winner of the tournament will take his/her crown.

We were sober when we invented this game...and the initial contenders were aged between 21-32. That's just how things roll over here. Rich is currently Crab-King after dethroning Joe and defeating me in an epic Crab-Off for Kingship. For the skeptics, I can confirm that this game has nothing to do with sexual diseases and if it did - nobody in their right mind would admit it. Johnny.

OK.

Give you a second just to get your head round that... I do actually have something worthwhile to put into this section of the blog... even if it is a little disheartening.

There was an interesting but sad event at the orphanage the other night. Smi's wife (the house mother) came careering into the orphanage on a motorbike at about 4:15 and nearly knocked down her son A Choy before smashing into a couple of parked pedal bikes. Fortunately Rich was nearby to pull him out the way. We rushed over to see if she was alright, but as it turns out she was fine but very, very drunk.

It's come as a huge shock to everyone really. She goes around with a broad smile across her face every day and has always struck me as being a genuinely happy person.

Nick has unfortunately had to make the difficult (but fair) decision of asking her to leave the orphanage and find somewhere else to live. This is a pretty devastating situation for all sides. Apparently this is the 5th time this has happened and although they've tried to help her, there's really not a great deal more they can do. The kids have to come first in this situation and there's little else to be done.

We stayed with the kids longer that night - for four of them that was there Mum. I'm not exactly sure how much they'll see her again, but we just tried to shield them from the brunt of the arguments and will leave Smi to explain the situation to them.

I've delayed posting this blog section because I was hoping to accompany it with pictures. I've finally managed to get a memory card reader for my camera, so hopefully I'll be able to get them sorted soon.

I apologise for the delays in getting these blogs written. I'll quickly try and add a further blog explaining a usual day for us...which should also explain why we struggle to find time to write.

I hope you're all well,

With love from Chris

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