In hiding

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I am so happy right now, I could cry. I walked into Arif’s room for the five millionth time this week to see if the internet was working, and there were these four lovely little neon lights blinking away. I ran to computer right away, and the whole time it was booting up I just kept repeating “please stay connected, oh please stay connected, please God, all I need is 5, maybe10 minutes, please, please, please stay connected.” So far so good, but I’ll type fast just in case….

So here are some answers to some questions I know you’ve all been asking:
How many days until you start blowing black crap out of your nose? 3
How many days until a general feeling of ick settles into your stomach? 10
How many days until you start wearing sunglasses, even though you will get stared at more, because you’re tired of squinting and getting crap blown in your eyes? 10
How many days until you loose all nostalgic gooey feelings and want to freak out if one more person honks in your face? 12

So, I am ashamed to admit, I’m hiding again. I hid a lot towards the end of my last stay here, and was determined not to do it again, but here I am. It didn’t help that I found the first season of Grey’s Anatomy on DVD. The only thing which may get me out of the house for pleasure is trying to hunt down the second season. But seriously, going out is just such an unbelievable hassle. It isn’t the staring, or the beggars, or the language barrier (although I would like to learn how to tell someone off in Bangla), but just more generally the noise and chaos. Traffic is so insane, so it take two or three times longer to get anywhere than it should, all the while you feel like you’re sitting in a smog factory while a layer of black dust settles all over you. The noise of the traffic is enough to blow your eardrums. If you try and walk, cars play chicken with you until you end up in the mud (which just elicits thoughts of - “can’t they see I’m a foreigner walking here!” I’m so ashamed…) and motorcycles have taken to driving on what sidewalks there are to try and get around the gridlock, either sending you into traffic or the sewer. Bangladeshis have also perfected the art of double parking, so the roads are half as wide as normal. Honestly, I can’t imagine a city worse than this. And if you go to the market, people are constantly harassing you trying to get you to go in their shop. And I had to yell at a guy at the bank for PUSHING his way in front of me in line (again, foreigner here!). I would, in fact, go out to do something with friends, but right now everyone is fasting for Ramadan and not so interested in doing anything which requires energy, and I certainly don’t have what it takes to tackle this city alone.

I should note, I’m not the only one being driven insane by this city. I had an interview with a Bangladeshi CIDA staff person last week, and she spent a good 30 minutes complaining. She said that in her lifetime both Dhaka and Bangladesh have undergone considerable changes for the worse. She describes the Dhaka of her youth as a quiet, beautiful city where neighbours helped neighbours and people were polite and respectful. She says there has been a fundamental change in values, with a new every man for himself attitude and increased aggression as people grow frustrated with a declining quality of life. Why does it seem that the quality of life has declined in so many countries since the rise of international development? Or is it just globalization, which shows the masses what is possible and yet so out of reach?

And it’s true, you see aggressive behaviour everywhere. There is a new police force since the last time I was here - the RAB (Rapid Action Battalion). These are scary, scary guys. They wear all black fatigues and dark sunglasses and sometimes black bandanas, and they stand around looking very cool or drive around on their motorcycles with their sirens blaring (although they don’t appear to be in any rush). They go to a special new court to get arrest warrants (usually for low-level opposition party thugs) which are euphemisms for a license to kill since those they are after more often than not end up being shot “in the cross-fire.” And then there are the riots. I don’t remember there being so many riots before. Garment factory workers have been striking, demanding a minimum wage, and whole neighbourhoods have been protesting the insanely frequent power-outages. All good causes, but it seems whenever you get a few hundred people gathered in one place for a common cause here, it turns into anarchy. They’ve been burning cars and buses, looting stores, etc… Call me Gandhi, but how does this effectively get your point across? There was a picture in the paper of a couple with young kids in a car, stuck on a major road into Dhaka that was closed for four hours by protesters, and they were sitting there with horror written all over their faces as protesters smashed their car windows and jumped on the roof. You could see the kids were bawling their eyes out and terrified. Madness I just can’t comprehend.

Ok, I’ve vented. Sorry. On a more positive note, the research seems to be going well. (Crap, the power just went out, which means I’ve lost my internet connection and God knows when I’ll get it back . Now I have to make that wonderful decision of whether it’s better to close the windows and sit here suffocating in a puddle of sweat, or keep them open and die from the generator fumes. Today I think I’ll go with fumes). Anyway, research….. everything seems to be on track. Everyone I’ve contacted seems interested to meet with me, so I’ve already had quite a few informal meetings to discuss my work, as well as some formal interviews which are proving interesting. I’ll have to adjust my strategy somewhat though. So far I’ve been emailing as many people as I can get contact info for, but then they all want to meet with me the next day, so I should slow down on how many I email at a time. Also, given my lack of reliable internet access, emailing isn’t the greatest idea as I’ve had to go into BRAC almost everyday to use their internet so I don’t miss a meeting time someone has suggested. I’ll have to get over my fear of using the telephone. When I’m not in meetings, or stuck in traffic trying to get to meetings, I’ve been doing lots of interesting reading of reports and transcribing my interviews. The transcribing wouldn’t be so bad, except that the traffic noise in the background of the tape starts driving me insane without my ever having to leave the house (oops, complaining again, sorry).

Well, I think that’s all for now. Arif is genius and has his tv plugged into the one outlet that runs off the building’s generator, so I’ll go watch another episode of Grey’s (or 5) until the power comes back on.

Much love from the depths of chaos…..

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Comments

[seb]

hey auntie:P
Well, this was left open so i gave it a read. Sounds like you're havin loads of fun nat :D. Come back alive!

[Paula]

Don't hide for too long with "Mcdreamy"
As usual your stories and daily thoughts of life in Bangladesh are so captivating they feel almost as if they are happening to me. I can close my eyes, drink in your words and feel I am there with you (perhaps maybe one of the many flies on your wall). I thank you for that. I look forward to hearing more on your life in Bangladesh and on the work you are doing. I have taken to printing your stories and reading them to Ava before bed. Although, she seems more interested in the paper they are printed on then the stories themselves, I am certain she will come to appreciate them in time. I will keep them for her in her scrap book and someday she will read them herself, but for now I will continue to read them to her and hope hearing your words will in some small way keep her connected to her Auntie Natalie. We miss you and look forward to your safe return P

[Daily Desh]

PG13
Now that I know sweet little Ava will be listening to my posts I"ll try to keep them PG13! Happy 1st birthday Ava!