its been a hard (weeks) night

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so im already back in town. its only saturday. i couldnt stand to be in the village for any longer. and when i was headed back on monday it felt so right. so natural. i was happy. i wanted to make sure to document that in a journal entry. that did not last long.

so like i said i headed back monday. and people were excited to see me. one guy told me he thought i went back to america. good. it was nice to see people again. nice to be home. the first burn (not that bad actually) was that gus (my second dog) died. apparently im no good with pets. i think he might have had the same things as chai. i wasnt that upset. i didnt even cry. i wasnt attached but he was a cutie.

second blow was talking with people. and rumors/jealousy abound. now my veo/counterpart is not my most favorite person in the world. but he does his job. and he helps me. i do not agree with all the things he says or does. ie him coming back from dodoma with a television. in our sans electricity village. he had a vcr player and a generator too. and obviously people noticed. and they started talking. and jealousy started developing. as did the rumors. that mama asha (his lover) and her sister also went to the seminar with me and got paid. another rumor. from my neighbor/dog watcher/besti was that i had told yusufu that i was going to take him and my neighbor/dog watcher 13 year old to the seminar. she asked me if that was true. and i was like a. never told yusufu that. i thought about it but no. b. you are still in primary school. and c. i could take only one person. anyways so that was that. not the best welcome back but not bad either.

Tuesday. i get back to the secondary school to start teaching math again. and the baseline. baseline is this book developed by the tanzanian government for incoming form 1 students to help develop their english. i think it is ridiculous. and proof that school should be taught in kiswahili. i was teaching 14-16 year olds (maybe older who knows) to tell time. which is different. here because we are so close to the equator the days basically start/end at the same time throughout the year. and they start the day at 6 am but they start by calling it 12. so basically its 6 hours different. but the weird thing is that their clocks are still set like western time. but you read it differently. but obviously the kids know how to tell time. i dont know. its frustrating. i had to write numbers on the board and point to them so they could say them outloud with me. i hate the baseline book. actually i dont think im that big a fan of teaching.

i say that because i was given a book then shoved into the classroom. no one ever gave me any instruction or rules to follow. for example. on wednesday i was back at school. and we have a chart on the wall in the staff room telling what period is going on when. and i noticed it was my turn to go teach. but the headmasters wife was in their teaching. so i figured i would just pay a visit to the headmaster to chat. and ask him if i could teach health lessons during the free periods. and if i could give out a health survey to students to see what they already know. and he said that was fine. then he asked me when i was teaching and i said i was supposed to be teaching now. but his wife was. i wasnt mad about it. but he decided it was necessary to pull her out of the classroom. which is embarassing for her i guess. and i guess the form ones are supposed to be separated into form 1a and form 1b but we only have four teachers (5 with me) and its too much of a workload to separate them so they are brought together. all 70 of them. even though the chart says form 1a has english now and form 1b has math. and his wife was going on about all this-the workload and how every other teacher knew that the forms were combined. well i didnt. no one informed me.

and whats the point of having this intricate chart if no one is using it? and who gets to decide who teaches at what time if two different subjects are listed? oh apparently we dont have a civics, english, or kiswahili teacher right now so when those are listed simultaneously with math, its my time to fly. cool. i complained about the chart. they laughed at me. i just told pendo and stephanie that i think i might be teaching because i like the chai. its delicious. bad reason. haha. and the headmaster said he was putting me on as a part time teacher so i was getting 60,000 shillings a month. and i told him i was a volunteer and that it was fine. i dont need money. and we went back and forth numerous times. finally i gave up. but ive decided to use the money for the community. ie i might buy a dvd player because peace corps gave me a bunch of dvds to play and all the wealthy people in my community only have vhs players. i dont know. buy educational movies. pay for someones school fees. who knows.

anyways also on wednesday me and my veo planned that this coming tuesday we would start a permaculture garden at the secondary school. and then move onto the primary school after that. the headmaster was very excited. then my veo and i went to the hospital to talk with the head doctor about solar. just to make sure were all on the same page and all. but he wasnt in. so i talked to the guy second in charge. and his first question was whether or not we could connect the solar to the doctors house. no. impossible. then my questions for him were how this was going to serve the community. what the target groups were. what other services would the hospital be able to provide. etc. and he said electricity. good. for what. for the sick people who stay over night. or if there is an accident and the doctor needs to do stitches. because they only have kerosene lamps and but there hasnt been money for kerosene so its been rough. and they would be able to show videos to the mamas clinic and to youth about HIV/AIDS, healthy eating, etc. my first q was whether or not they could afford to buy a tv/vcr. apparently the hospital already has one. oh yes. i saw it. still in its box in the storage room because there is no electricity. god. ridiculous. but i guess it will be used. my next question was to see the videos that were available. oh they didnt have any. well when you got solar would you be able to buy them? how much are they? five dollars. and i dont know. so you would have solar and a tv but nothing to show on that tv. i was getting really frustrated. especially since my boss at peace corps wanted me to title my grant something along the lines of 'mgori health clinic solar project to help People Living With Hiv/Aids.' well talking with mr second in charge that didnt seem to fit the bill. although i know all grant writing is slightly exaggerated to fit the needs. im hoping that when the doctor comes back i'll be able to talk with him. and maybe get more info. im going to see the district med officer in singida town on monday any how. to get his permission/feedback. make sure were working together. i dont know. we'll see.

also i was over at my sister in laws house. and jealousy of the seminar reached even the family. which is ridiculous because they are by far the most well off in the village. but anyways this is positive. i was talking with her and she was interested in doing a income generating project. like peanut butter or chickens. and she already knows about doing stuff like that. baobab trees have a fruit and you can add a syrup to it and its like candy kind of and she makes, packages and sells that to different little shops. so im thinking if i can get some other women involved (women maybe who are taking care of orphans or have it a little bit harder than my sister in law) then we could do something like that. and shes a really strong woman. and focused. and i think that this could be successful. i dont know. i guess i have to see how the solar project goes first. only allowed to have one grant opened at a time.

also i think ive mentioned this before. but pendo and stephanie and i are going to hold a womans day seminar in singida town. were going to hold it at stephs secondary school. and pendo and i are going to bring 10-15 girls from our village into town. have speakers (women who have been successful-own their own shops/businesses, have high positions at the district office or police or something along those lines). maybe do a life skills lesson or two. have a nice lunch. then have sports activities. march 9. it should be fun.

anyways. back to my week. thursday i went and taught again. reminding my students that i was giving a test on friday. finished answering their questions. i think its going slightly better because ive tried to throw more kiswahili in. i dont know. then i was about to leave when a form 3 student came up to me and begged me to come in and teach physics or chemistry because there was no teacher and they were bored. and how could i say no when i was just going to go home and sit. so i was handed a book by a different teacher. and he flipped it open to something about ionic i dont know. and i was reading. and i havent had chem since sophomore year of high school. and its not something i liked. but i tried. but it just wasnt going to happen. so the teacher who handed me the book (he happens to be the same one who stopped by that stormy night asking to have sexual intercourse with me) told me we would do it together. so we walked into the classroom. the kids all stood up and said the usual 'education is life. good afternoon madam' then i had them sit down. and the teacher sat down with them. and i was left to fend for myself. and these 'textbooks' are ridiculous. oftentimes wrong even. and there was a song in the book. after i talked about electrolytes and weak charges and what have you i wrote the song on the board because i didnt know what else to do. so we sang. then i was done. after 10 minutes. never again. i want to teach health. and i did hand out those surveys. to form 1 and 3. and read through all of them. and was impressed with form 3. but sad reading some answers. my last question asked why women and girls were more susceptible to HIV. and i got answers from girls that said 'girls just want money' or 'girls have strong sexual desires' and that made me sad. i dont know.

anyways after school that day i had to go to a village meeting. the jealousy thing with my veo was getting out of control so we had to hold a meeting about it. like i said before people thought his lover and her sister went and i chose that family to go-favoritism. and that they all got a lot of money. not true. also they were mad because my veo is not from my village. his position is appointed by the government. so hes not a local. and apparently he didnt tell anyone he was leaving. which was untrue because i was with him when he told my baba-the head of the village. so i had to sit through about an hour of them discussing this. yelling actually. and like i said i dont love this guy. he has 14 kids and 2 wives. and with his money he buys a television. which is at his lovers house. but when its my turn to talk i stand up and tell it like it is. and i thought that was that. and i was excused to leave.

also i got a package from my cousin. with twilight/new moon in it. i started twilight and got throroughly absorbed. and finished it friday morning in the teachers lounge. then i give my first test to the kids. and this is a classroom the size of the average classroom in america. but there are 70 kids. crammed together. 2 or 3 kids on a chair sharing desks. cheating is kind of inevitable in this situation. but when people are talking i separate them as best i can. but it keeps continuing. and the talking and cheating were just getting out of control towards the end. and by then i just didnt care. i walked out to get air. and i was thinking why do these kids need to know about math? when are they going to use least common multiples and number lines? i was really pessimisstic. it was a long week. and my phone hadnt been working. so i hadnt been in contact with the outside world at all. so the kids all stayed 1/2 hour after school had ended to finish their test. and i called one of my friends and thought i was fine but just started crying. apparently i was fine. then i went home. and to clarify so people dont take this the wrong way. but i really believe in education. and i think it is a key to helping people improve their situations. i was just sad/mad/having a bad day.

and for the first time i put my lock on my door and snuck in my side gate. just to relax in peace. i was wrong. people still knocked. and tanzanians dont go away. they'll knock for 10 minutes. and yell. so much for peace. i started and finished new moon that day though. im obsessed i think. anyways though. mama asha came over. and we chatted. and then she told me that my veo got fired/kicked out. he left that morning. and he was mad. and i was just shocked. although the man was not a saint, he had done nothing wrong to deserve getting the boot. and we had planned projects already together. projects that i cant do on my own. projects we learned about at the seminar. and my kiswahili is conversational but def not at a level to explain and explain well to people permaculture. and my physical ability is also not there. my farm is ridiculously overrun with weeds since i was gone for 2 weeks. so thats not a good example to look at. and so thats when i decided i needed to come to town today. because i could no longer handle being in the village.

i went over to my mamas. and told her. and ive always had the feeling my fam doesnt like mama ashas fam. and so they asked me if mama asha had come over. what she said. etc. i wasnt in the mood. i got up and left. im tired of the gossip. its dumb. and here i am. in town. ecstatic that pendo came in too. and we are having a little girls night tonight. going to the disco. making cookies. should be fun. and i just really needed a break. god d.

i guess thats all. oh wait. no i want to thank everyone for the packages. theyre fantastic. i really appreciate them. and letters or course. hope everyone is having a wonderful valentines day. love you all..

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