Safari Fashions and Missionary Impossible

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Last day in Africa. Sad. Today we flew from Maun in N. Botswana to Johannesburg in Sth Africa. The little Fokker flexed it's propellers and took us high into the blue carefree, dust free cloudless sky. No Malaria up there.
I couldn't help but notice on the flights to and from Maun that the mini departure lounges and indeed the planes were infested with white wealthy Nth American and Western European safari types. (James and I looked like 2nd hand hitchhikers towards the end). Africans don't need to go on safari as they are busy shooing elephants and vervet monkeys out of their homes and vegetable patches.
For safari in Africa one has to be suitably attired. Loose fitting khaki pants with lots of leg pockets are acceptable. Formerly those pockets were to hold rolls of kodak film and that extra round of large bore ammunition or a tin of Cuban celebratory cigars when the game fell screaming in a heap. These days it's all spare capacity for digital camera batteries, photo sticks, Deet mosquito repellant, gum and a tip (in the wrong currency) for the African guide.
Upstairs it's sporting to wear a matching khaki shirt with even more pockets and a sleeveless waterproof jacket.
A good leather belt, fashionable Polaroid glasses, a floppy hat, a Swiss outdoor time piece and hiking boots completes the necessities. For the ladies a hint of expensive duty free French perfume is acceptable but not on safari - the "big five" will detect your scent.
The next layer comprises equipment; those great big binoculars to combat the diabetic cataracts, camera with telephoto lens and a huge carry bag so you don't lose your insulin, glasses, passport, money, keys to the room, snacks, travel insurance documents and card with blood type. All this stuff allows the safari traveller to bang against James and me in the plane as the hand luggage goes up or the seat is occupied or to push and squeeze off the plane.
That poor little Fokker plane ferries legions of these individuals into regional airports where their Cessnas are waiting to take them to expensive safari lodges. Remember their preference; white pilot, black guide.
Now the other Caucasian that inhabits the Fokker is the Missionary. DON'T SIT NEXT TO IT. We made that mistake on the way in. In retrospect they are easy to spot. No khaki,overweight, white, single and of indeterminate sex. Free of charge they will explain how they found their god and are now delivering it to Africa.
It goes something like this. The chief is in the village minding his own business. He has half a dozen wives and a couple of dozen kids so he is well superannuated with all that old age care. Life is good at the top of the pile. Then along comes a missionary and wants him to ditch 5 of the wives and stay in his own hut at night and get up at 7am and build a Church and put money in the plate on Sunday. You must be kidding?
Oh no we are not.
There are 7th Day Adventist, Lutheran, Catholic, French, English, German Churches here. How is a chief to choose?
What these tribal people really need is to learn is to milk cows and goats, kill bugs on vegetables, the importance of clean water, wash hands, keep dog numbers down(rabies), transmission modes for HIV. They need to worm their kids, store meat correctly and have a decent maternity hospital to have babies.
What I learned from African tribal people:
Materialism is not required to be happy.
It is possible to be friendly and smile each day.
Children keep you young.
Walking a lot keeps you slim and healthy and let's you sleep at night.
No confectionary means clean teeth and no dental bills.
Living and working in the open air is good for your head.
Having goats, donkeys, chickens, dogs and wild animals rambling around everywhere makes life interesting.
Children exposed to the earth and the natural world immunize themselves against bugs.
Five lashes of the cane in front of the whole village is all you need to keep teenagers v. obedient and respectful and it rarely needs to be done!

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Comments

[peter adamson]

Your Shoes
It's getting into your shoes that makes the news almost sureal. Thanks for thinking of us it's been great to read of your progress and your insights.

[Mike Piscitelli]

Thanks for the entertaining travelogue
Hello Brian. I met James last week here in New York, while he was visiting his daughter and her family. I had read a few of his emails that he sent while you were traveling through China and Russia and Africa. Thankfully, he also pointed me to your blog address, and I can only say Thanks for the great commentary. You have a wonderful sense of humor (something I would be sorely lacking under similar circumstances), and manage to convey both the sense of adventure as well as the moments of sheer insanity. Best regards, and great good luck in your travels. ..Mike from New York

[vitinarie]

Mike thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I really appreciate it.