Metaphor

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Under many circumstances I find running to be a nice metaphor for life, so hear me out on this one attempting to relate my experiences over the past 2 weeks.

I've gone running most days since I've been here. I'm sure you're all stunned by that. What you might find surprising is that most of the jogs have occurred with other people. I like to jog on my own. It's my therapy. It's my happy place. It's where God and I have it out (and where He puts me in my place). It's where I find my balence and often find my inspiration. Conversely, I like traveling on my own for many of the same reasons (peaceful, inspirational, arguments with God, etc...). Well I'm not alone on this trip (I have 3 other KU students with me among the doctors and other staff). Kind of makes sense that I don't run alone either.

You see, when you run with others, you have to go at the pace of the least common denominator. Now the people I've run with have encompassed a wide range on the fitness scale from marathoners to walk/joggers. I fit nicely into the quicker pace and longer distance end of the spectrum. I like to go too far and too fast and make most of my jogs a living hell. Kind of makes me feel alive. When I run with the group here, I can't do that. I have to go at a slower pace and often can't go as far as I like. Half of that problem changed tonight when just a few of us more dedicated runners went out for a 1.5 hour jog. We still went out at a much slower pace than I would have liked. Honestly, I had to hold back quite a bit for the first 45 min and never really felt relaxed or comfortable. I routinely wanted to burst out in front and leave the pack behind. I wanted to stride out and fly. However, I didn't. I held back. I stayed with the group. I let them dictate the pace. I'm glad I did. See, at about the 60-70 min mark, my legs told me to shut it down. They said, "we've gone far enough and long enough. We're done." However, being with the pack prevented me from stopping. My mind also got pretty bored and thought that I should just end it there. Yet again, the pack prevented me from stopping. Could I have seen this coming 15 min in when I just wanted to take off in a dead sprint? Not a chance, but if I had gone out in front on my own, then I would not have made the entire 90 min jog. Or, even if I did, I would not have ended it with the pleasure I ended it with the group as we lauded each other on a job well done together and not alone.

That brings me back to this trip so far. So many times I have wanted to branch out on my own and sprint away from the pack. The pace is too slow and the people do not do what I want them to do. I want to go places and do dangerous things and feel alive and take risks (well, not too many risks, that's not my nature). However, I have had to defer to the group many times, and then attempt not to be bitter or unsettled. I wish I could say that I never get bitter or unsettled, but that wouldn't be true. In the hospital I want to see and care for patients on my own instead of just shadowing most of the time. Two weeks in, though, I can see the benefit of staying with the pack and just trecking along at a slower pace. Manguzi is a tough place. People are sick. People die...daily. People die that I care for. I'm not ready to deal with those things on my own. I'm not ready to manage and care for these patients on my own. I need the pack to support me and carry me to the finish. I need the camaraderie and the shared experiences whether they be joys or failures.

I wish you all could have been here just now, because in between these paragraphs one of the doctors (who just happens to be one of my favorites) came into the computer room on her break. We chatted for about 30 min about our experiences and many, many things. We talked about the trials and benefits of this place. It was invigorating and inspiring. It made me really excited to get up and go to work tomorrow. Even if it's at a slower pace.

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Comments

[G'ma]

Bravo!
I was just the opposite. Too timid.