Forced marriage "ist nicht gut" (is not good): Part 6 of 6, The Editorial

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Part VI

Editorial




how is that i am no longer so quick to condemn every forced, child marriage?



here are the thoughts still in conflict for me:



this 12-year-old now has "security", not just her husband, but entire family, entire herds of animals. several water wells. land.

she has role, purpose in life. and she knows her role. albeit, prescribed.

she has an in-residence, familial physical and psychological support system.

she now has a better chance of realizing her right to food, to water, and the right to personal safety...freedoms and rights not so sure for many others.

...of course, this bride is lucky, she has been "forced" into a loving family.



what is the typical human rights argument against this type of marriage?

she could be said to lack the ability to grow given her situation (how many of us are free to grow as we want?)

she could be said to lacking the nurturing and freedom to reach her potential (how many of us reach our potential?)

she will most likely not be given the chance to read and write...this point still nags me, especially since the boys in this family are given this basic education...

....on the other hand - this idea of universal education...is it what cattle herders need? or more than what is required to just take care of animals, doing math, etc.



perhaps the question is not about forced marriage - but more about forced sex and forced pregnancy (tho how often does this happen in the western world?)



perhaps the bigger questions are what are human rights,

who decides them,

who gets them,

and what is the bigger picture in life?...what is happiness? and freedom?

this is why, my head is still cloudy.



of course, it is hard to think of some of my students in Berlin, the same age, in that situation. but it is a different world in the west, and who is to say that my students are, or will be, any "happier" in life then this new bride? who is to say that my students have real freedom in deciding anything?

i know, i know, personal freedom...but let us not get stuck in the abstract - as the declaration of human rights is mostly an abstract concept for most of the people on the african continent.



let us deal with the practical:

what were this girl's chances if she had not been forced to marry?

probably, not good. a life of slavery and disgrace to her family. a burden.

of course, maybe we can tackle "development" in Sénégal for young girls like her, but in the meanwhile, maybe good not to take away what is really an opportunity in and of itself. it is like trying to end child labor by stopping it overnight, not wise. not sensitive. and the children will end up in a worse situation, or the entire family will as well.

of course, to feel better about ourselves, we could make it a law, and put tons of money into enforcement, but what will this really do? it must be tackled slowly, and from within the culture....as the progress on female genital mutilation has been handled...

and further western note: how many women, or men, marry into situations just to reap benefits of money, richness, house, security? yet we do not criticise or decide for them. rather, we encourage women who are knocked-up to marry. just sayin'...



i know, i know. AGE.

but we must also consider the physical and psychological development of an average 12-year-old, Peul girl living in rural Senegal - we cannot just compare her to the average american 12-year-old being shuttled between school and sports and air-conditioned, pampered lives. with noses in gameboys and facebooks.

our lives are simply different, our realities, different.

so i continue to ponder...

(i will probably visit the bride in a few weeks ... i'll let you know how she's doing...)

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Photos

brides to be
while we may shiver, these girls are prepped to look forward to their wedding days - a huge cultural and social shift is needed if we want this life to match our western abstract ideals neatly, and quickly

barren or fertile?
girls' futures - could be seen as barren, but step back and consider what may also be part of this marriage, fertile ground and livelihood emerge...(note: this same landscape is flourising and green for half of the year)...

sisters in everything
even as young kids, the girls are closely bonded, for the most part...

the future? a respectable living?
is it wrong for a girl to even want to \"end up\" as an adult woman with a bucket on her head? who are we to say...

1 in every...
statistics on quality life indicators, and survival indicators, are still quite depressing in Sénégal...perhaps a good marriage provides a young girl with better chances...