Marrakech Mayhem

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Our first African experience was anything but dull as we visited the buzzing Marrakech. We were picked up from the airport by a very friendly local in a nice car. It didn't take long for us to experience Moroccan traffic and our driver cranked up his Celine Dion CD and proceeded to exhibit some serious road rage! I was torn between wanting him to slow down and not kill us and wanting him to hurry up so we didn't have to bear too much Celine! It's no wonder the locals prey 5 times a day with traffic like that! At the outskirts of the old town, the roads stopped and became pedestrian lanes so we got out and another guy then took our bags out of the boot, put them in his wheelbarrow, mumbled something in Moroccan and signalled for us to follow him down the labriynth of narrow derbs which I think the direct translation is tiny dark lanes that scare you senseless. The walk to our riad was incredible! Little stores built into the side of half collapsed mud brick walls, people screaming past us on motorbikes, donkeys pulling carts full of food. Old men sleeping in cardboard boxes. Disabled women and children begging. The culture shock blew my mind, it felt like a movie scene. As we got deeper and deeper into the maze of lanes I was starting to wish we picked a riad on the main plaza but once we got to our place, it was lovely. We were greeted by a man who spoke no English but sat us down in the candlelit main room in the centre of the riad and gave us some delicious fresh mint tea and biscuits. We then got a tour of the riad and inspected the nice rooftop terrace before being shown to our room. No keys, no locks of course, just a very simple room with no TV and nothing luxurious about it. It was perfect.

We then hit Djemaa El-fna, the main plaza where it all happens in an attempt to find something to eat around 9pm. The market was buzzing, the lights were blinding, people everywhere and everyone trying to sell you food. I had men telling me I looked like Robbie Williams, I look skinny and need lots of food and also that they liked my wife! Way to convince me to buy your food. Djeema El-fna translates to 'assembly of the dead' as it was used for public executions in the 11th century. Now it is used to execute tourists wallets as the locals bully you into parting with your dirhams!

We had an early night as at 5:30am we were up for our sunrise hot air balloon ride. As we walked out to the main plaza, the derbs were echoing the prayer calls from the mosques making it a haunting and surreal walk. We were picked up from the square and driven 35kms out of Marrakesh where a handful of local men were attempting to put up the balloon. There were 8 of us on the tour and the pilot of the balloon was a bit of a comedian. As we all piled in and left the ground in the ratty old cane basket, he told us not to move too much as he had just glued the basket back together. It was so peaceful watching the sun rise from the sky. As we hit 3000 feet, the sun was now fully up and we had a suburb view of the snow covered Atlas mountains, the city of Marrakesh and the surrounding desert. At this point the pilot noted he was out of gas and was hoping we had all been eating beans. He then proceeded a descent and did a touch and go, where we went to land, touched the ground and kicked back up again. Was good for a laugh. When we finally did land, we landed on the trailer on the back of the car because we were not allowed to land on the surrounding farmland. We then went to a nearby paddock where they took the balloon down and put it away. It was weird to be towed a kilometre or so in a fully inflated balloon! We got certificates signed by pilot once we were on the ground and he noted that we were his first ever surviving group. He then pointed us to the toilets behind the cactus tree but told us to beware of the cactus leaves or else we will be dancing like Shakira. Funny man indeed.

From there we hit a Berber village where we got a very sweet breakfast of pancakes and honey, donuts and very sweet mint tea. 2 very cheeky baby goats were playing around us while we ate. The Berbers live a very simple life and we checked out there houses which were more like barns really as there are no doors between rooms. Talk about open plan living!

We left the Berbers in peace and went to the next stop. A camel ride through the outskirts of Marrakesh. I provided the entertainment as our guide took a picture of me holding the camels head and it the turned its head and moaned loadly into my ear. I of course let go and bolted almost tripping myself up in the process. The locals were laughing and mumbling something in Moroccan that I am sure translated into stupid uncoordinated tourist.

The camel ride was great although after an hour of bouncing around and going up and over mounds I was glad it was over. The camels were getting a bit restless and one of our group got bitten on the ride!

Then it was time to hit the suoks, the massive covered market where the second you look at something you will be harassed and have to buy it. I tried hard not to look at anything which is easy to do when you are flat out not trying to get cleaned up by someone on a bike or a motorcycle. I did notice lots of musical instruments being hand made as well as dyers making colourful woolen garments. There was a section dedicated to olives and a got a bagfull for pretty much nothing and then bought a nice bowl to put them in. At one point a guy came up to us and put his hat on us and insisted on posing for a photograph and them wouldn't leave us alone until we paid him at least 50 dirhams! Whilst that is only a couple of quid, it wasn't the point as a couple of quid buys a meal in Marrakesh! We went and had lunch and I tried the local delicasy of pigeon pie. For some reason it was very sweet and tasted a bit like duck.

It was then stop... hammam time as we went for the traditional moroccan spa treatment, although I opted out as my cracked rib wouldn't have been able to stand up to the rough treatment that is involved in a hammam.

We wandered south of the Jeema El-fna in search of the Bahia Palace. It was closed when we got there but instead some guy told us that we had to visit the Jewish quarters. He was very friendly and gave us a wonderful tour of the streets of the Jewish quarters. Of course, you don't get something for nothing and he took us straight to his friends shop who has the finest spices in all of Marrakesh and insists we buy some. 10 pounds later we had a bag of mint tea. Hmmm.

We then went back to the main plaza just as the dinner tents were firing up. We couldn't resist the early dinner and had some fine skewers as the sun was setting over the huge plaza and the millions of drummers, acrobats and snake charmers that filled the giant plaza wound their day up.

The next day we headed off to the Bahia Palace, a lavish 19th century palace that was occupied by Abu Ahmed and his 4 wives and is now where the king has his parties. Hard to get any perspective of the place when you can only see such a small part of it, it is empty and run down and the very ordinary guides didn't do it any justice either. From there we took a long walk up to Jardin Majorelle gardens, very peaceful gardens owned by Yves Saint Laurent and now donated to the local heritage society due to its immaculate presentation and peacefulness that it brings to the crazy centre of Marrakesh. The gardens were a fun way to enjoy an hour or so in peace before we are back to bring harassed walking through the souks again.

Never before have I seen a city so reliant on the tourist spend. What the average tourist spends in a weekend, the average Moroccan earns in a year. The gap between the two groups is stark to say the least. My bargaining is on show again when I take a liking to a canvas painting of the camel ride. I start at 100 dirhams and the owner starts at 200. 5 minutes of heavy negotiations later and I find myself handing over 170 to the smiling owner. Hmmm

After a weekend in Marrakesh I am pretty happy to be leaving. It is certainly a great place to visit, but it would take some getting used to before you could feel at home there!

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