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Published: January 20th 2010
Us
We sadly didn't have a G&T to go with the sceneryNow, having been traveling for about 6weeks you'd have thought that the bus trips had been perfected, from a guaranteed sleeping position to feasting on nutritional treats well thought of in advance. Sadly, not quite yet! We had headed from Moshi, in Tanzania, on to Morogoro (I'm not making these names up) and then to Mbeya before reaching the Malawi boarder. This trip took 2days and in that time Columbus and Scott had failed to get a proper feed. At best the usual nuts and fruit were all we could get hold of. The deep fried rats being shoved through the bus window just weren't yet appetizing enough.
So we reached the Tanzania/ Malawi boarder famished but watered. Being British I was allowed through with a welcoming hug and a cheeky pat on the bottom to send me on my way. Zuzana, being from Slovakia, almost had the rubber glove treatment. We knew that she would need a visa but thought we could just purchase one at the boarder. After all this is Africa. But no, we were given 5days to get to Mzuzu, a larger town, and pay the $70 fee!!! We weren't planning on getting so far south
Camp 'No Food'
Our first night in Malawi so soon as we wanted to take the very famous old Ferry that travels the length of Lake Malawi starting in the North. As this had foiled our plans and we didn't really have a choice we left a little disappointed and of course 3days hungry! In honesty we were just getting sick of the sweet bread, banana and suspect single egg omlett/ thing that was served for breakfast everywhere. Everyone would be the same in our situation and our gag reflexes were just too sensitive. It's not being ungrateful but there really is only so much of these very distinct non-complimentary flavours you can take. There is just no food!!!
A taxi took us to the nearest town and we exchanged some TSH to Malawian Kwatcha with the driver. This turned out to be a very acceptable rate. The country side observed in the Taxi ride was very different, very hilly, lush and green compared to the baron world of Kenya and Tanzania. On entering the town we were dropped off at the local Chapas (mini-bus for max 18people.... very maximum 30) and managed to get a heavily discounted rate to Chitimba, a wee bay to the South.
Camp 'No Food'
We pitched our tent under the left set of trees, next to the lake About 20 drivers and touts were stood around us shouting and grappling with each other to get us into their transport. Zuzana and I stood in the middle of the mob laughing hysterically as the once 1000KW price tag rapidly descended into 300KW. At one stage a man approached me telling me he was a policeman and advised me to take one of the other Chapas. After asking for his identification, he was torn away and devoured by the Hyenas for getting involved. Aboard the bus we had numerous attempts at buying something that resembled nutrition and substance but sadly failing.
We were in absolute awe when we first set eyes on the formidable Lake Malawi. It's just enormous, stretching as far as the eye can see. In fact it's very difficult to accept that it is just a freshwater lake.
We'd decided to stay at a place just outside Chitimba that advertised “Tree Beds” and it was right on the shoreline of the bizarrely gargantuan, Lake Malawi. On arriving it turned out that there were indeed tree beds but the price had somewhat fluctuated compared to our guide. They were literally in the trees and you were
Camp 'No Food'
The accommodation was very traditional provided with a mattress and an amazing starlit night and beautiful sunrise. It was incredible to see the waves smashing against the shoreline... a lake large enough to be influenced by the moon and have a tide.
We'd exchanged enough cash to stay the night and at least have a meal to end this now 3day famine. How excited were we at this stage? We checked out the menu, an A4 sheet of paper with 4 set options. The meals would come with accompanying potatoes or rice or matoke (boiled green bananas) and the options were Chicken, Fish, Meat..... or vegetables.. with accompanying vegetables. Well you can imagine the smiles on our faces as these tantalizing, mouth watering choices were offered before us. Then we saw the price... After deliberating and negotiating we were able to just afford Vegetables with potatoes allowing a little money left over for the bus ride in the morning. With our hearts full of the hope of a grand feed we pitched el tent'io and settled for some light reading and a wash up with the baby wipes as it had been a few days since we'd... you know.... cleaned ourselves!
The accommodations
Nkhata Bay
....Zuzanas lovely feet. leading to this famine had comprised of the worst bathing/ ablution facilities known to man.
Back at camp Malawi, an hour passed and I went to the round straw roofed hut to survey kitchen progress. A fire was lit and there was some “cleaning” and peeling of vegetables taking place on the sandy beach floor. “How is dinner coming along?” I politely inquire?
“Gone to get Vegetables!” was the response. It turned out that they had no food whatsoever and clearly no guests for some time. I took heed and headed back to tell Zuzana of their progress. I forgot to mention that the Gremlin had been ill for the past few days with a really spiteful cold due to all the dusty roads that we'd been traveling on. There's no A/C on the buses.. just massive dust swallowing windows. I let her know that the kitchen was cooking up a storm and left her to deface and remove the layers of dirt and grime thrown in from the bus rides. She emerged after another hour and came to where I was sitting in the banqueting hall.
“Any word on dinner darling?” I send her over to survey the
Lounging...
...in those quite unacceptable swim shorts. damage. It was very dark but there were a lot of going's on in the kitchen hut so they must have been cooking up a real treat. Zuzana returned with one of those smiles. The dialog continued thus:
Zuzana: “I've just come from the kitchen, you're not going to like this”
My face has sunk and my smile has feigned.
David: “What is it oh Scrumptious one?”
Zuzana: “I've just been to check on culinary progress....”
David: “Yes my Pickle?”
Zuzana: “On inquiring about dinner I've had the following conversation”
Zuzana: “How's dinner coming along oh angels of the kitchen”
The wife of the owner approaches, a lovely lady with a sweet face, an honest heart. And broken English.
Kitchen Woman: “Potatoes... (Malawian language ensues)”
Zuzana: “I'm sorry, I didn't understand”
Kitchen Woman: “Potatoes....(Malawian Language tenaciously ensues)”
Zuzana: “I'm sorry but I still don't understand”
Kitchen Woman: “Potatoes?”
Zuzana: “Yes I understand potatoes”
Kitchen Woman: “Potatoes....(Malawian dialect continues)”
Zuzana: “Ok ok.... The potatoes are not ready?”
Kitchen Woman: “No.”
Zuzana: “The potatoes have not boiled?”
Kitchen Woman: “No”
Zuzana: “Ok, so there is a
Off for a pootle on the lake
The free boat had to be fetched. Luckily this dodgy trunk wearing man was there to help. problem with the potatoes..... (!TING! Massive penny) You have no potatoes?”
Kitchen Woman: Joyously cries, “Yes!... No potatoes.”
Zuzana returns with news.
David: “So we're not having potatoes with vegetables then?”
Zuzana: No... we're having Vegetables with.... Egg, banana and sweet bread”
After 3 full days of no food, not even a nibble.....
David: “Shoot me, shoot me right in the face!”
30mins later and our worst fears are confirmed. Two plates arrived with vegetables on one and boiled tomato spread on bread with a banana and an omlette on the other. We took one bite of the tomato bread and egg and sure enough both our gag reflexes kicked in. It's a desperate feeling. Knowing that these poor people have literally nothing and the food that they have probably walked a long way to buy was wasted on our western, particular appetites. We then had some of the vegetables. It was a tomato, spinach and onion mix. Something similar to what we were served in Nakuru Kenya when experiencing the local cuisine so it looked very appetizing. Would this be the release of famines grip? We took a fork-full and sent those wholesome nutritious vegetables down
to tummy town. We bit down and “CRUNCH”!!! The entire plate was full of sand and grit. We reached simultaneously. It's so disappointing. We're so hungry and our famine is going to stretch to 4days. We became so heavy hearted and for the first time really wished for a Slovak Šnicla (schnitzel) and a Sunday Roast. We even joked about it on the bus ride in the morning. “If you could have anything to eat, what would you have?” It was a wonderful discussion but in the mental state we had reached I think we were both missing home for the first time.
We went to bed and slept a little as it was so god-damn hot in our tent. In the morning the owner was surprised to hear that we wont be breakfasting on the Egg/Banana/Sweet Bread delight he had planned. Instead we took two Chapas through the beautiful hillsides that overlook lake Malawi. Through the little villages where the children would spot the “Mzungu” on the bus and chase us for a while while we waved and smiled. Kids are great, all over the world. We arrived in Mzuzu just after 1pm... unfed on day 4.
Basic Accommodation
It was stylishly appointed for a hut! Our first job was to get the Gremlin a visa. We found the Immigration Office and there were 4 “Officers” on duty. The first was on a computer playing Mine Sweeper, the second was asleep. On Zuzanas inquiry as to “er....why is she sleeping” she received the obvious yet now believable response , “..because she is tired”. Good. The third was eating lunch and the fourth had no where to sit. After requesting the visa and several rejections from Zuzana to the officers, that she was not going to just give them her Masai Bracelet, we are told the person needed to sign the passport and visa was on their way. Apparently she was at home having a shower. She came shortly afterwards and within 2hrs we were on our way. That's the way Africa reduces the unemployment figures. On the negative, they take 2 jobs and give it to six people and on the positive, 4 more people have some money to take home and provide for their families. We really needed to eat at this stage, we were both having severe stomach cramps.
We searched this modern town,of Mzuzu (what with it being the first town heading
The Lakeside view
This was our own little beach. south with traffic lights on our journey) for a place to stay. After settling at Flame Tree Guest House we started the search for restaurants that our guide had recommended most of which had sadly closed. The local restaurants were advertising exceptionally greasy food. We braved one and after looking at the menu we decided that we wanted nice food and not just any....crap! Our last hope was an India place called A1 Restaurant. On discovery I found the sign on the door was advertising it as 'CLOSED'. I could have cried. However, the door was slightly ajar so I poked my head in. People were eating!! I had spotted a waiter that very quickly spotted me and invited us in. I think we did cry at this stage, if not then definitely when the menu arrived with at least 4 pages of wonderful food. A full Indian menu with an Indian chef run by an Indian family! We gorged on one of the most satisfying meals, certainly, of my lifetime.
Now I really want to draw you attention at this stage to our ongoing quest for food. We had four awful days of bus rides, not eating, not
washing properly and not even the chance of what we would call a comfy bed. However, after 4 days our famine was over, we had gorged on some amazing food, we washed in a hot shower and we had a very comfortable bed and clean sheets to sleep in. But that was just 4 days. Most people in Africa have yet to have a good feed and are used to not eating properly on a daily basis. Most don't have a comfortable bed and a hot shower is unheard of. Our little time of a gentle suffering just opened our eyes to the even bigger struggle suffered by millions that we failed to appreciate until this point and it's all to do with politics.. nothing else!
We stayed in Mzuzu for 2nights and one of those nights was shared with a wonderful American guy called Chip. I'd hate to guess his age but I'd say early 50's (he'll be reading this). He was staying at our guest house having just arrived in Mzuzu late in the evening. Armed with 2beers and some biscuits he sat with us for about 4hrs telling us about his adventures through Africa. It was
nice to know that we weren't the only ones with the opinion about the food and the people and the vulture like touts and drivers. Or that you really do get so little for your money. We took turns in telling stories. We were still disappointed about not getting the ferry to which Chip informed us that it really isn't a great way to travel. He'd been on it and it was one of the worst experiences in Africa for him. His tale was great yet quite awful.
Read in a deep yet quiet American voice -
“You'd have to get a cabin. First class is just a deck that anyone can access, the only difference is that you get a very thin mattress to sleep on, which you don't wanna do. The Malawians aren't great on boats. Within minutes people are vomiting on the deck, the waves cause the toilets to overspill, this also ends up on deck swashing around with the vomit and then under and over your mattress. When you think it's all over, they pull into the first port and the ships Cargo hold is filled with fish and other shit that just stinks. Now the
cargo hold is usually below deck. However, on this boat it's at the front and they fill it so full that the cargo doors do not close. When the boat pulls away you realize that the breeze is passing under, over and through this pile of shit and the whole vomiting and shitting starts happening again. It's the worst god damn boat ride I've ever been on. Don't for the love of god do it!!!”
So we felt better about missing the “Up Shit Creek” cruise and before we knew it midnight had crept up on us. Chip had to be up for a 5:00am bus ride so we bid our farewells and he said if we were ever in Alaska at anytime to look him up. Traveling is a lot like that. Very similar minded warm hearted people. A sort of community without a community all looking after each other.
We left Mzuzu the next day and headed for Nkhata bay. On arrival we'd decided to stay at a place called Mayoka Village, advised by the Travel Bible. Well this was one of the nicest places we've stayed in our whole trip. The setup was lakeside bamboo
huts with all the amenities including a very cleverly designed compost toilet where you had to add ash and saw dust after you'd been. It had all been finished with care and you could really see the influence from outside of Eastern Africa. The owners were a South African man and his English wife. They started the place with 4 huts and £2000 and it had become more popular as time had go on. In it's 10th year it was boasting about 15 huts and 2 dorms. These weren't your average huts, these had all been tastefully finished by the 52 staff that worked there. Most of them had been there since conception. Hearts and souls had gone into it and it really was a pleasure to stay here. The huts were literally on the lake and our hut had it's own little beach with some steps down into the blue and green water and onto the diving rocks. We also had the use of their own rowing boat and snorkels, for free, to view the countless fish all bespoke to Lake Malawi... but how did they get there?? Being in the water just exaggerated the size of this lake.
Tombstoning.....
This was about 7m. That's David, in those trunks, at the top We spent hours just relaxing in the sunshine and nipping to the well armed restaurant for a cool drink before getting into the water again. We'd been traveling quite relentlessly at this stage so a nice lakeside break was just the tonic. One day the owners took us all for a half day boat trip to another bay around the corner. The first stop was at a sheer rock face 6 or 7meters above the water. We both braved it and took the plunge off the rock. Once on the beach a game of football kicked off and everyone had the chance to have a chat and get to know fellow travelers, exchanging stories and the like. While we were chatting the local children decided to start hiding everyones belongings under the sand in the hope to steal them after we'd left. This tainted the trip and brought us back out of our haven and back into Africa. These people have nothing.
After chilling for 4 days we decided to start the journey South and head to Mozambique. We'd met some fantastic people here. I managed to bump into my childhood next door neighbour, Harriet, just outside the
restaurant and we caught up and chatted about what she had been up to and the family etc. It was great. We also met a lovely dutch couple Ineke and Damon and exchanged details with them. We drive across Europe from the UK to Slovakia every year and next time they have offered us a place to stay for the night so we can see some of the Netherlands.
We also met a couple called Alistair and Shelly who were heading down to Lilongwe, the capital, the same day we were. They had a 4x4 so they offered us free passage. Well you can imagine how good that felt to be in the back of a brand new 4x4 with A/C on full blast instead of a chapas braving the 33degree heat with another 28 people. It was a very quick journey. We thanked our new friends and stayed in Lilongwe for a night.
In the morning we took the bus to Blantyre. This trip took near on 7hrs and we arrived in Blantyre around 6pm. We found some accommodation at Blantyre Lodge, dumped our stuff and headed to dinner. Again, 4items available to eat so we chose
"Take one of me!"
On reviewing the picture there were two things that were so very funny. 1) His flies were undone 2)...can you see? the Chicken as we did have enough money. We were sat watching the television in the restaurant and Zuzana spots something moving at pace on the floor. On being spotted, it stops dead in the centre of the restaurant. Now how to describe it. I thought I was going to make it all the way through Africa without spotting one, without even getting close to one. But there was one.. just over there, still but very much alive. The biggest spider I have ever seen with my own eyes that was not in the zoo. Imagine the largest British house spider you've ever seen. Triple that and turn it light brown. My god I almost screamed like a big sissy girl. It just confirmed that I'd not grown out of this childhood phobia. In my mind it was about the size of a cat! We were informed that this was a house spider and not yet fully grown. The lady in the kitchen came out armed with some cardboard hoping to just lift it out of the window. On the third attempt she just pummeled the creature as it was clearly easier to pick up dead. There was no need
Old Neighbour and Zuzana
...the other girl, not the local child! to kill it but at least that one wouldn't be in our room that night.
In the morning we took a 2hr chapas to the boarder and within 3hrs we were in Mozambique.
Can I just add a note at this stage? It's all down to Zuzana that our travels have been captured on camera. Without her vervacious tenacity, my memories and this blog, would not be possible. She's just a star and I would like send her a wee yet full hearted Thank You!
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Ineke
non-member comment
Wow
Dear David and Zuzana, What a joy to read your travelblogs! I keep laughing out loud! You must have seen so much of the world by now. I'm planning my next trip in the fall, maybe I'm travelling to Asia. Meanwhile I found a job in a hospital as a midwife and it's perfect. I hope you're having a blast out there, keep posting those blogs, I love reading them! Love, Ineke P.S. Can you send me your e-mailaddresses so we can keep in touch when you return home and don't use this blog any more?