Is it possible to give Ramses ‘the Great’ a serve?

---

Upper Egypt represents the southern part of Egypt. It is what made Egypt great. And who made Egypt Great? Ramses the Great, he cemented Egypt’s greatness… With that thought I sat wondering on my last day; is it possible after seeing all the major sites to (on my blog) not only give Ramses a serve but the whole Ancient Egypt scene?

It took 16 hours via an un-reclining sleeper train to hit Aswan the southernmost city of Egypt. Luxor got the bad rap but for me I hated my time in Aswan. Apart from the near 50 degrees you basically can not trust anyone here. The felucca ride, the hotel, the touts, you can’t even trust the price for a water. So many times I said, “I am not negotiating for a water” and walked off. The only reason to come here was to see Abu Simbel.

Close to the Sudanese border Abu Simbel was not as easy to get to until a few years back - From memory flying was the only option. That’s because for a century Sudan and Egypt disputed their borders. After an 1899 treaty it wasn’t until the 1990’s that military presence withdrew from both sides. Egypt has now invested in their side including the smoothest road I have travelled on this trip. In January 2008 a Gazan breach in security suggests why at 330am our mini bus had to line up with at least 30 others for a convoy to get to the site.

Abu Simbel is situated on Lake Nasser, which back in 1971 rose causing the land of the Nubians to flood. It takes about 3 hours from Luxor to get to the site. Unlike the rest of Egypt Abu Simbel, at the beginning allows the tourist to appreciate the site, tout free. The touts are left until after the visit where a small amount are there to annoy you briefly.

You arrive just after sunrise, which is perfect timing, the light shines entirely on the tomb. The tomb is for Ramses II (the great) and was relocated higher up the cliff because of the risen Lake Nasser. 3 of the 4 giant facades of Ramses remain, whilst inside there are some graphic reliefs, depicting Ramses’ life. The reliefs describe how great Ramses thought of himself in war and how he is God like.
Whilst inside I questioned? ‘Come on was this guy really that great?’ If you look at parts of Iraq and lets say centuries down the track they find statues of Saddam. They’d go oh this man was a great man he must have been a humanitarian they’ve built such grand statues of him. Okay there will be evidence to say he wasn’t but that is because of the time period where records are kept thorough. But you know we are trusting some hieroglyphics here from the whole Pharaoh crowd, of course he is going to be great! More later.

After Abu Simbel I decided to stay another day before going on a Felucca ride down the Nile. I wasn’t really into it but kind of forced myself into going. It reached my expectations for disappointment. The whole trip (when we did briefly sail) you are connected to civilisation. The train and cars passing - sailing under newly constructed bridges, electric wires and towers. I think the felucca ride has had its days.
The only story to come from the trip was when our captain spotted another felucca that he had a dispute with. We sailed back for the privilege to see him and this other guy laying into each other. Towards the end he came back to the boat and grabbed an empty beer bottle. Dramatically smashes it against the felucca causing fragments to hit me and starts chasing the guy with the broken bottle. Eventually it cooled off and no one was harmed so we sailed off. But a few minutes later we had to sail back to collect the frying pan! He had left it behind from the start of the fight - scrambled eggs for breakfast anyone? (!)

At the end of the 2 nights we got dropped off in this small town near Kom Ombo There we were to catch a mini bus to see temples I didn’t care for. The captain says, “We live off our tips” I say “Look I am not going to tip you because yesterday when you smashed the glass. Bits of the glass hit me and that could have poked my eye out.” He called me a “Layer”, which after the miscommunication I replied “That’s fine you can call me a liar I don’t care. You will not be getting any money from me.” He then told me that “I will fuck your money.” So I replied back maturely “What are you talking about? You can’t fuck something you are never going to have… How can you fuck something you are not going to have?”

So with that me and this other Aussie guy are left stranded as our connecting bus was full. We make our way to the train station and had the great privilege to ride in the Egyptian 3rd class. You are actually not allowed to travel this class anymore and we were treated to real Egypt! Toilet door that doesn’t close, sitting next to little kids staring at us. As the toilet stench travels through the carriage locals attempted to talk to us. People walking up and down the aisles selling all kinds of things. What a blessing in disguise that was! The 3 odd hours were unfortunately over when we arrived in Luxor.

After the shitty Aswan experience I was starting to get over Egypt but Luxor rejuvenated me and is the reason for me to leave mostly positive about this country. It must have been the heat because I found the people here really pleasant. (I am assuming it was too hot for them to be annoying?) Just once I had a problem in the 2 and a half days here. I told that guy “You have just insulted us with that price”.

Luxor (then Thebes) was the capital of ancient Egypt. There is so much to see here you are scared to miss something but in summer you need to be selective as really there is only 3 hours to work with. Leaving at 6am the major stuff in the morning should be done across the river at West Bank. A ferry costing 25c leaves every 10 minutes and once across you can negotiate a very reasonable taxi price to take you around. Me, the Aussie guy Jeff and a German lass Lydia - the negotiator. Watching a German female negotiate, its take no prisoners (haha) - got it for 33EP ($8)

Word of mouth said that the Valley of the Kings is overrated and not worth it so we chose 3 sites in close proximity: Temple of Hatshepsut or Hot Chicken Soup as its known locally, Ramesseum and 2 tombs from the Valley of the Nobles.

Hot Chicken Soup was first and best seen early as it’s in one the hottest places on earth so early beats the heat and the tour buses. The tomb is dedicated to the successful yet controversial Egyptian Queen. It’s front is perfection - 3 tiered with statues guarding the entry and Horus the most famous God of Ancient Egypt in the form of a falcon at the steps. From a distance it’s as if it has been chiselled into the bottom of the rocky face. Inside there is not much to see as the main tomb area is blocked off. But Hot Chicken Soup’s exterior was too perfect for me. I liked it but not as much as Ramesseum.

Ramesseum brought back my love affair with temples, Egypt can kill it after a while but this place was so photogenic. It’s another one of those massive monuments dedicated to Ramses II and says how great he was… again… The morning light is perfect and there is a lot of detail still around even if it’s half erect. If you look at the ceiling there is even depictions in colour! The columns are of such grandeur I could have stayed longer. It was just the three of us but again you need to beat the heat so it was off to the Valley of the Nobles.

The nobles were wealthy sometimes more so than royalty and the tombs walls are of high quality. I saw the tombs of Nakht and Menna. Nakht was an astronomer and kept the kings vineyards and chief of the granaries. You can see the process of making wine and looking closely you can see the brushes of every stroke and the linking dots of every purple grape. The colours in both are impeccable! Menna was the agricultural inspector - scenes of wheat cultivating and a girl helping another girl get a thorn out of her foot. Menna’s faces on the walls have been defaced so he cannot see in the afterlife. The family of the tombs previous occupier probably did that. A small part of the wall has been cut off at a corner to show the under-laying relief of the previous tenant.

Back on the East bank its just too hot now so it’s back to the necessary A/C and wait out until the night. I’m not up for the ‘put on tourist crap’ but the Karnak Temple Sound and Light Show was beyond expectations. I was just expecting a few cracks in the wall to be lit up via laser beams with Pharaoh’s talking, but it was nothing like that. I was even thinking to make it interesting to go when another language was on. But I went with English and thought it would be a bit weird if Hot Chicken Soup turned me on with a sexy European voice... Being turned on by a wall, now that’s a problem and risk not worth exploring…

Starting from the entrance you get an overview history lesson on Thebes. This is all done whilst you walk through gradually the whole temple - Hieroglyphics lit up in various light, past massive columns. It finishes at an elevated grandstand to give you a prime view of the scale of the temple - The temple was added onto by each Pharaoh. The experience was so good I didn’t want to spoil it by going again in the heat. Instead prior to my overnight sleeper to Cairo I went to the Luxor Museum.

After Cairo I thought it could not be possible to ever be impressed with an Egyptian museum but I was wrong. Luxor is what Cairo should have been. Brand new, they have done what every museum should be. Pick out your best work, lay it out and forget about the rest (at least publically).

It’s a concise summary of ancient Egypt. Statues made from quartz and other materials. There is one black sculpture of Thermoses III that stood out for me. There are some of Tutankhamen’s things here, including chariot sets and bow and arrow sets. Also 2 mummies, which is an interesting tip. Why pay $20 to see mummies in Cairo when you get to see them here with the price of admission. There is one that has the same facial features as Ramses II so it’s assumed to be his father Ramses I and there’s also Amose. Originally I wasn’t up to seeing mummies. I just feel it’s disrespectful to parade them like this but in Luxor its there so, I won’t say no.

The museum finishes off with the Wall of Akhenaton, which was made up before he moved the capital and changed his name. There are a lot of sun disks happening and some portraits of him at each end of the wall. Looking at him closely (which is quite easy in Egyptian museums) I thought he looks a bit like Eddie Murphy’s assistant in the movie Coming to America.

So anyway as I left Egypt what are my thoughts on the whole place you might not be asking? Well apart from enjoying my time here I started to question what are we on about? Here we are coming in droves to see a civilisation that sure made grand buildings and mathematical feats to build them. But isn’t it interesting that in the course of time the whole slavery and wars is either forgotten or accepted glorification.

If the pharaohs lived now it wouldn’t work, so why are we idolising something we don’t adhere to? Because that seems to be what we are doing when we go to Egypt. Ramses ‘the Great’ banging his daughters!! What the f***?
We are celebrating a civilisation that we morally are totally against. But over time we’ve forgotten about the negatives and stuck to the positives. It’s something we should feel good about considering courtesy of the media we are so negative but even with a positive there is a negative.

Egypt is the reason we have dictators ruling the way they do. They strive to make it appear they are the face of progress, freedom, and stability whilst reeking havoc. And so as the Pharaohs did, they make grand statues of themselves. They show power in a sculpture hoping for a Pharaoh like immortality.

Here’s another thing! Don’t you think some Egyptians are hypocritical to give crap to America? Ramses II married 3 of his daughters! Is that ethical? But wait… Here they are the Egyptians celebrating their culture, which had slavery, war killings and a king that banged his own daughters and they call him ‘Great!’ Now some other country is on top and they don’t like it.

It’s one thing I have noticed this journey - how hip and cool it is to say that you are Anti-American. I’m a bit over it actually. If you look throughout history and compare, are they all that bad? The anti American cheering during the recent Confederations Cup Final I watched on TV in Egypt between Brazil and America was beyond belief!

I’m going to leave it at this okay yeah you’ve got nice historical buildings but have a look in your own backyard. History goes further than a hieroglyphic’d wall. Your ‘Great man’ banged his own daughters... and then married 3 of them! I can’t get over that! And the sound and light show promoted it as a great feat! Ramses was gloating over it! Is it just me or is that disgusting? No matter what language it’s spoken in it’s a wall I could never get turned on by…

Sorry I just went off on a tangent then didn’t I?

Maybe I should have just summarised - Egypt, Loved it, not sure if I’d go again. If I did I wouldn’t be devastated.

---

Photos

Abu Simbel
First glimpse

Felucca doing what it did best
staying put