leaving my boyfriend to travel to Australia, he's making me feel so guilty and now it's making me think maybe I'm making a mistake!
hi guys, new to this forum and this is my first post so be kind! i know there are a few post about leaving girlfriends/boyfriends but i wanted to get a little more specific.
7 months ago, literally 5 days before i left the UK to travel to Thailand i met my now boyfriend. Such bad timing but what can you do!? my original plan was to travel around South East Asia for 4 months and then travel to Australia for a year. After 6 weeks in Thailand i went home to be with my boyfriend, it was the only reason but if i am honest with myself it was the main reason. Now 7 months later and i am starting to really regret the fact that i never went to Australia, i was looking at my visa yesterday and i noticed it said that if i don't enter Australia by March 3rd this year then the visa becomes invalid and i have missed my chance. I made the decision that i had to go and i couldn't let this chance pass me by, i told my boyfriend as soon as he got home from work and of course he didn't take it well, he seems really sad but also he seems to be making a lot of negative comments like, 'i knew i would end up alone, guess i should get used to it' 'maybe you'll meet someone out there'.
now i know this must have come as quite a shock to him and it has only been 1 day but i feel this is just a taster of what is to come over the next 2 months, he's made me feel really guilty, to the point where i am actually doubting going now, maybe i am being really unfair? i don't think i could be responsible for making somebody i care about feel so heartbroken!! on the other hand i think he is being quite out of order, we have only been together 7 months, so not an extremely long time? he should be supportive no? i haven't said anything about breaking up. the visa is a year long but i haven't stated how long i will be gone as i don't know myself yet, i might hate it and be back in a month, i might love it and stay the full year but i can't make any promises to him that i could potentially break while i am out there. i am 25 and he is 43 so i assumed (perhaps mistakenly) that he would handle this is a mature manner and tell me that although he loves me and will miss me, ultimately life is about being happy and he wants that for me, maybe i am being silly and naive?
anyway i just wanted to know what you guys thought, i haven't booked my flight yet, so options are open, thank you in advance 😊
Reply to this Dear Kimberly,
Welcome to Travelblog. You will find a community of like minded travelers who care about each other like they are family. And hence we are willing to provide advice based upon having confronted issues like yours so many times, and like family are willing to be blunt sometimes.
You have made a compelling case about your desires to visit Australia for a year, and the need to make a decision soon based upon an expiring year long visa, neither of which is something you would want to give up lightly.
So now about your boyfriend. Quite often we find the answer you are looking for in the question/comments. That's the case here. He's made you feel guilty rather than being supportive and happy for you. At 43 he should have handled this in a mature manner. That's bad controlling behavior. Not only is he controlling, he is also insecure in your relationship, already expressing his fear that you will find someone else. Perhaps this is a reasonable fear based upon past rejections given his age. But psychologically, both control and insecurity (which is used to control) go hand in hand as an unhealthy foundation for a relationship. I speak from experience. My daughter was in a similar controlling relationship which I'm pleased ended. Happily, she terminated that relationship and is married to a kind loving husband who wants the best for her. If he truly wants the best for you, he will happily let you go and trust that you will return to him, if that's what's meant to be.
I've only been able to respond to what you've told me, so you might approach a psychologist/counselor for advice where you could expand upon your concerns and get professional advice.
Reply to this Honestly, he's a boyfriend, nothing more. I would not let him guilt trip me out of an awesome trip!
Reply to this Hello Kimberly,
Welcome to Travel blog...you've come to the right place for this conversation. Many on this web site have been at your cross roads. Sometimes we leave a loved one and other times we leave a great job. These decisions need to be weighed and considered. Only you will know the right thing to do.
I agree with everything that Bob said above. It was descriptive and well written.
In my opinion, I do not think you are naive or silly.
Life is short....regret is a hard thing to deal with so get on that plane and go explore Australia.
When you are finished traveling Australia, I do hope you will go back and finish the months in Southeast Asia that you missed out on.
Book your flight....go, go, go!
Reply to this Hi Kimberly,
I agree with the comments above: just go girl!
The fact that he is insecure shouldn't stop you from doing what you like. Imagine how you will feel if you don't go to Australia and end up breaking up with him anyway... you'll regret not having gone even more!!
If it's any help, the first year my (now) husband and I were together, he was living in Germany and I was in the UK; if it's meant to work out, it will, otherwise at least you would have enjoyed a year in Australia!
Like Merry jo said: book your flight... go, go, go!
Reply to this He's 43. He's afraid of losing you. And yes that's sounds like an immature way of handling it. But you could be gone for a year. A lot of things can happen in a year. And he's 43. You're 25. You have different priorities. I can understand why he'd be insecure. You just need to decide whether he's worth it and if his insecurities are a deal breaker.
Reply to this Hi Kimberly, I'm in a similar situation to you! Although I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years but she is so controlling and won't let me go anywhere wihout her (and she hates going away)! Anyway I am ow planning trips away and I guess the decision I've come to is if she doesn't like me being happy then I'll have to end it. If I were you I'd take Australia! Go and have fun!
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