Female sex tourists: Do they exist?

Snap shot Stacey - i look forward to your blog on 'how you got your groove back'!!

Haha Crashpacker. I don't kiss and tell. 😉

I keep hearing about women still not earning as much money as men in certain careers and I just can't wrap my head around why that is still possible. There's such a push for women to be equal, how can businesses or governments in countries like Australia get away with inequality like that? Reply to this

I keep hearing about women still not earning as much money as men in certain careers and I just can't wrap my head around why that is still possible.

It is one of the main things on the political agenda here in Germany. People are saying there is no real excuse for this unequal pay. Up until now, there were things being said such as men tend to negotiate more in work places and that is why they tend to get more. That is being over ridden by the opinion that people doing the same job should be payed the same and no excuses. And before that there was the women have babies and leave the workplace thing. But these days nobody has one job that lasts a life time, so this argument has also been kicked over. And to give it even more of a push, fewer and fewer babies are being produced in Germany and efforts are being made to encourage women to have more of them, and pay discrimination because of having babies is doing nothing to achieve a rise in the number of women who want to have babies. Reply to this

Ladies...ever had a holiday romance? Reply to this

I know a 55 year old lady who was visiting the area I am now living in in borneo and hired a tour guide and driver; she was from a un-named european country and was bizzare.

She asked the driver to come to her room during the 7 day trip and wanted to have sex with him and he declined. She then tried it later with one of the mountain guides and he just laughed because he was a mere 21 or 22 yrs of age and thought it was wierd...needless to say, she eventually got what she wanted on the last day with another tourist who was about her age..

Don't know if she was a nympho or what but..it happens. Reply to this

Hi all.

Hell yes, female sex tourists exist. Sorry, I know this discussion has come a long way since Mell's initial post, but I just found this thread minutes ago.

Anyway, I just finished my documentary on the Kuta Cowboys of Bali. They are the beach boys who're very popular with female travelers. (Somebody mentioned Aussie women, but women of just about every nationality can be found 'riding Cowboys' these days.) Here are some of the things I observed/learned during my two years working on the film. But that's all they are: one man's observations.

- Most useful definition of sex tourism I found was off wikipedia: "travel with the full or partial intention to have sex." That covers someone like Snap Shot Stacey (God bless her!) as well as a woman who pays for sex in foreign lands (Glod bless her too!). A key difference between the 2 scenarios, though, would be the power dynamic. No matter how you play it, once money comes into the picture there will be a power imbalance.

- I'm personally against the term "romance holiday". The notion that men travel for sex and women for romance is a needless distinction, and an unnecessary burden on women. Why should women have to justify themselves? They have as much right to have anonymous, fuss-free nookies as men do.

- Why women do it? Depends on the woman. Power, desire, attraction to exotic men, anonymity, easily available partners, because their age or body type has made them undesirable back home, because the men make them feel alive... In the end, the best answer I could work with was: it's because they want to, and because they can.

- The 'kaching' post by Sir Halberd was on the money. In the case of the Cowboys, for eg, they know most women would feel uncomfortable paying for 'it' straight up. So they sell love and companionship instead, and get money out of you throughout the duration of your stay. Free meals, etc, and if they can, money for a sick grandma or two along the way. To their credit, they'll stick with you even if you don't pay. That's where their claim that they are not gigolos is true. They genuinely enjoy being with foreign women... but if someone with money (or more money) comes along, she'll get them every single time.

- Most women do not fall for the love bit (anymore). But they don't mind giving in to the make-believe. They play along because these guys are fun company. They pay attention to them, they make them laugh, and of course, they're good in bed. (As a straight man, even I could see why women found them charming. Sure, they're rogues, but we're all drawn to charming rogues.)

Apologies for the long post. Didn't mean for it to be a dissertation. If you're interested, you can catch the film trailer at www.cowboysinparadise.com or on the film's Facebook page. Cheers. Reply to this

"I am not so sure they are justifying themselves. I can certainly understand why romance is a requirement for many/most/all women, even though they also may want sex."

Absolutely... for many women. There's a whole chapter in the film that reveals how well the beach boys know this, and how they work on selling romance rather than sex.

But there are more than a few exceptions to the rule. I can only speak for Bali. I met many women who have no time for romance and are more men-like, if you will. Best soundbyte I got was from an Aussie journalist who "comes to Bali for her coconut juice fix - and nothing else." Unfortunately, nothing on earth could make her do an on-camera interview. But she was delightful company.

Remember the whole 'men are from mars, women from venus' thing? Best take on that was a line in a whiskey ad done in the US. "Men are from earth. Women are form earth. End of story." That's kinda how I feel abt this whole sex vs romance debate. Our differences exist even within our own respective genders. Some male sex tourists want romance n companionship too. And some women just want to get it on. Reply to this

Haha. No, no John Gray. Not really my cuppa.

Love your response but have a problem: Why are we assuming sex for the sake of sex is a male pursuit? Why can't it be fulfilling to a woman's feminine needs? Why should it be at odds with her feminine side? I think women are fully capable of contributing to politics, religion, etc regardless of whether they want some romance with their sex.

Women adapting to succeed in workplace, etc - no arguments there. But in this regard - sex for fun - I don't think they're being more MANlike. Just more like those who have means to enjoy and indulge in things they want. Men had it before. Thankfully, more and more women have the same financial means and independence now. What they choose to do with their empowerment is their business.

I think telling the female sex tourist that she's become manlike is insulting to her. Because she wants physical pleasure without the attachments, she's not feminine? She has lost a part of her that defined her as a woman? This is the problem I have w/ the whole 'women travel for romance' statement. Maybe true for some/many women, but it's not an absolute truth. Leave room for those who have other needs.

Aside: A Catalan friend regales me with stories about her and her North African gigolos. When she visited Bali, she wanted me to introduce her to some Cowboys. i didn't, but only because it would effect my judgement as a filmmaker. Do I find her less feminine because she pays for fuss-free sex? No! She's a hot-blooded senorita whose company I enjoy a lot, because she's a woman, because she's not another bloke. And the straight man in me craves her in a physical way... only we've long passed into the domain where we're great pals.

P.S. Season's Greetings by the way! Reply to this

How do you do the fancy quote thing again??? Will have to do referencing to your post the old fashioned way. sorry!

Assuming, being female, etc > Yes, yes, you're a woman, but you can only speak for yourself or the women you know. you are assuming that all women need romance sprinkled over their serving of sex. i'm telling you there are many who don't. or don't every time they get into bed with someone. who are we to impose the romance requisite upon them?

How about Erica Jong ("The Zipless F***") and C. Bushnell ("Sex and the City")? They're women, but I'd hate for them to be speaking for all women too.

Scenario of attachment > yup. they do that. but only the romance seekers fall for that. or many don't. they just play along.

empowerment > many reasons they feel it. to each her own. the most obvious source from my observation was from being able to have sex with young good looking men and forgetting about them the next day, or by the end of the vacation. Right or wrong? I personally don't care... long as it's not pedophilia!

masculine/feminine/no relationship in their own country > one character brought that up in my film. must be true for some i guess. but i know western women who were upset by that scene. like you said, somehow someone or another is going to be insulted.

Baby tourism> 😊 yup, but not as prevalent. but all the cases i know, the men were told. and some times they get to fly to the western country and be with the kids for holidays. Or mom and baby come to Bali for holiday.

later! Reply to this

thanks mell Reply to this

...who are we to impose the romance requisite upon them?

I wouldnt dream of imposing anything on them. So many confuse having an opinion or discussing something with attempting to impose ones will on others.

... who don't. or don't every time ...

Sometimes women can have an instant sexual attraction, because of who they imagine a man to be. ie they are attracted to the fantasy, rather than to the reality of what he is like. I think successful male prostitutes either intentionally or unintentionally give their customers a certain impression of themselves. So, the women are still attracted to something else, before the physical attraction kicks in. On the otherhand a particularally successful female prostitute would give the illusiion that she is unconditionally and eternally sexually attracted to her customer.

This reminds me of a male friend of ours who a lot of women want to have sex with. He unintentionally gives the impression that he is something that he is not. This attracts a lot of women to have sex with him. Later when they get to know him better they are invariably angry with him for not fulfulling their fantasy of him. He has a hard time finding a successful relationship, but he would make a great prostitute, if he ever fancies a career change.

...empowerment > many reasons they feel it. to each her own.

The empowerment a women feels with a male prostitute is also an illusion. It is essentially a game played by her, and a paid role for him. As regards real empowerment, real women in real situations(as opposed to paying somebody to fulfull the fantasy) are still figuring out what real empowerment for women will mean. There are not yet complete answers, as this would be impossible with women in the worlds most modern countries not having rights for more than 30 years. Progress is being made though.

Right or wrong?

Wrong

...but i know western women who were upset by that scene.

And men too, and maybe eastern women too etc etc... Speaking of which, what do the locals think about male prostitution happening in their locality? It must have adverse affects on family life? Or maybe they feel the extra money is good for family life? Reply to this