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Published: January 12th 2009
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Photo 21
If you cant take your eyes off me for like 2 seconds the Colosseum is in the background Motherland Part 3 -Down the Rome Stretch
I find it hilarious that despite my warning to strangers not to read my Croatia blog or write me about it, i still received four angry emails and 1 genuinely nice email that restored my faith in Croatia. Still, it baffles my mind that people always have to wiss on the electric fence regardless of the clear warnings.
Much hype surrounded Rome in my head. After Venice and Florence, I was licking my chops at what Rome may have to offer me and my European Travel Universe. We rolled into the train station on Christmas eve and sat around waiting to find out that there was absolutely, positively, not one single train seat available for us to take out of Italy until January 1st. As it appeared, we were stuck in Rome after our three days were up, it was not looking like our luck has changed since Budapest when it comes to travel plans working in our favor.
Tara had led me to believe that the driving techniques deployed by Rome taxi drivers would rival and spit in the faces of those that I had been an accomplice to in
Photo 4
Inside the Pope's colon Portugal and Mexico. The excitement built up, did not however, deliver. I expect the cab ride from the train station to our hotel to mimic death, but it didn’t. After escaping the wild pack of crooked taxi drivers who wanted to charge us 30 euros to get to our hotel, Tara found us an honest one who took us there for a measly 7 euros. I’m actually glad that our cab driver drove like a little old Asian woman, because there is nothing in Rome that isn’t worth seeing. The short drive was like a tourist route, no matter what street he drove us down. In some small way, I felt bad for the man because he could have driven us to one end of the earth and back I would have never known.
Our hotel was literally two doors down from the Pantheon and one door down from McDonalds. I hadn’t noticed it right away, but when I looked up and saw the size and power of this building I felt like a little bitch in its glory. It was one of those moments that set the tone for the entire trip in Rome, Rome was a city
Photo 3
They had McDonalds back then didn't they? of history and deserved all my attention and respect. Everything you see and look at in Rome makes you wish for Roman times and life different than your own. I love my life, I truly do, but Rome, Rome will make you want more in an unexplainable way. Rome is a snake charmer of your soul.
Being American we did the most sensible and economical thing to do for people who have only been in Rome for an hour, we went to the Christmas market and bought junk food and then ate Mc Donald’s. I’d like to say that we did really fun and awesome shit after that, but instead we spent 3 hours at the Internet café trying to find a way out of Italy so we could make it to London for New Years to see our amigos.
Like all good times spent on this trip, we figured the logical thing to do was instead of paying some jerk at a café 3 euros an hour each to surf the web, we should just get drunk at a bar that has free wifi. We took up shop at the British Bulldog and proceeded to suck back
Photo 10
Hey Pope! Get your ass out here! shots of Tequila and Coronas before we headed off to see the Christmas Eve mass.
Going to the Vatican was an experience. Like the first time you ride a roller coaster. The city is small and overly impressive, but architecture and presence aside, the shear number of people who show up to just be near the pope and see the mass is amazing and somewhat sad for a person who doesn’t care much for the catholic religion. I witnessed everything from people of all ages crying to people of all ages smoking and drinking wine during the mass. We couldn’t get free tickets inside so we waited outside and watched about an hour’s worth on the jumbo tron or Pope o Tron vision. We were told the Pope would come out on his balcony before mass, but like all of Mike Potter’s imaginary dates, he didn’t show.
We left the mass early and headed home to exchange Christmas presents. Tara got me tickets to see Manchester United play at home against Middlesburough. I haven’t lost my erection since that day, I probably should seek some medical advice on the issue.
Born Before My Time
I’ve always
Red Carpet
Red carpets are reserved for Team Roaring Donkey and Brellys said that Wyatt and myself were born before our times. Our views on life, world and women have always led me to believe I was better suited for living during the reign of the Roman Empire. Smacking servants, watching naked women mock battle in Roman Soldier attire, and drinking wine and eating full course meals to live music and theatre in my home every night is a fantasy. Or they’re memories of a past life. We set out that day and took in all the sights, from Julius Caesar’s murder spot to the Coliseum. For some reason I thought the Coliseum would be bigger, but non the less, I was highly impressed. We walked all the old ruins and took in Rome from a million different angles and view spots. America truly has become the modern Rome failing from grace and the similarities stuck with me for the rest of my time in Rome. One thing we did get to see that isn’t on your standard Rome visit was the chariot grounds where they held races. It’s gone to shit and I was surprised with how little affection and attention the site receives. I’m amazed that they haven’t taken to
Photo 11
Throw a rock in the crowd and i bet you hit someone Louie has slept with the notion of rebuilding and restoring the grounds and starting the races again. I can’t see the idea bringing Rome nothing but more money and visitors. I personally would love to come and see/gamble and such events. It’s not like I’m asking them to have Lion vs. Man or death matches at the Coliseum. One attraction we did skip was the Spanish steps. Really though, who the fuck wants to see a bunch of step, let alone climb them? The Spanish steps really are a waste of time, why would anyone want to walk up steps for no reward or epiphical experience. I do 200 sit ups and a 100 push ups a day, and carry a 200lb suitcase up metro steps every other day, that’s all the exercise I need.
It’s sad to say, but the highlight of my 2nd day in Rome came when the immigrants who sell counterfeit Louie Vitan and dumb toys on the corners almost got busted by the police. Tara and I were standing under an arch when we heard a whistle and about 50 of them, carrying rugs and handbags came barreling down a hill and jumping through and over old historic
Photo 5
If you're ever looking to pick up depressed drunk Australians on Christmas Eve, this is the place to do it landmarks and ruins to evade being arrested. I would have like to see more of that. We should consider racing/gambling homeless in San Francisco, kind of like Bloodsport the movie, but without the fighting. We finished off that day with a slamming Christmas dinner where we saw Italian Bob, (no joke, it was an Italian Bob, no pictures though). We ate a 4 course meal and guzzled 2 or 3 liters of wine. Man we got full and hammered. I don’t know if it was Rome or Tara time, but I will never forget my time or Christmas in Rome.
The motherland is something for all to experience. Due to travel difficulties we had to leave Rome early and we didn’t get to Parma or Pisa, but I hope to return one day. I’ve always said if I won the lottery that we would go to Vegas for a few months for everyone’s passports to clear, but I’ve changed my mind. We’re all going to Italy first instead. I’ve also decided that seeing as I’ve been banging out these blogs, Chris Ganz, Mo Penzes and Mike Potter have been great in keeping my spirits and desire to write these
things at high levels. Despite the obvious presents for the Olivedome kids, I’m bringing back the 3 of you something each. Anyways, I’ve only got 3 more blogs left,
Planes, Trains, Ferries, Taxis, Buses and Pain
London Calling
Full Circle
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mo
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well brain! what is it? a puppy? milk? santa? tell, tell!