stinamarie

i've been finding myself unable to sleep through the night for the past two weeks. it is so weird. if i stay up past 9 or 930, which is always, i have trouble. last night, i think it's because i drank yerba mate and two cups of coffee after 4 or 5pm. some nights, i think it's because i have too many blankets. before jamaica, i'd just use my down comforter, and in jamaica, i had a sheet and a small quilt. now i have a sheet, two blankets and a comfoter, but it's not my down one that i like so much because it's packed in my old room. most nights, and i'm sure what's the real reason for this ridiculousness, i know it's because there's no matthew in my arm/on my tummy/next to me. ... read more

peace all over me: i am SO SICK from all the different & american foods i ate the past couple days on the road trip. my mom and sisters stayed up until we got home which was fabulous. madeline tackled me as soon as i walked in the door, mom met me in the living room by the pool table, and i went in the other living room and tackled angela. then madeline told me to pick up our dog, lucie’s, puppy that angela named crackers. so cute...then i picked up lucie. i said holding crackers was the closest thing to holding matthew and my mom said that since she’d probably pee on me, it’s more like it than i think haha... about four hours ago, i was moaning and crying because i felt so sick ... read more

it is so weird to be leaving. for the last two days, i shopped for my fam and walked up and down the road through our community saying goodbye to people. my heart is so tired. and so am i. i didn't even sleep on tuesday night. i just stayed outside all night. went on the new trampoline for a little bit until the rain forced me to the front porch...i was just stuck in think mode. it is so sad that i wont be seeing faces and hearing their voices, especially all their jokes and laughter . on monday, there was a fun-day for all the mennonite churches on the island. i was one of the three adults that went with our group. we had a 15-seater van. 23 kids, ages 5-15... SIX HOURS ONE ... read more

neyo is standing on my lap as i write this...it's a copy of a myspace bulletin i posted a couple minutes ago... mat​the​w has​ the​ flu​, tha​t's​ wha​t's​ bee​n wro​ng!​ EVE​RYO​NE'​S bee​n pas​sin​g it aro​und​ for​ abo​ut a mon​th on thi​s who​le isl​and​ it see​ms.​..a​hhh​hh a hou​se ful​l of 40+​ kid​s pas​sin​g aro​und​ the​ bug​...​yuc​k. i am HOP​ING​ my imm​une​ sys​tem​ can​ be str​ong​ eno​ugh​ for​ onc​e bec​aus​e las​t tim​e i got​ flu​ fro​m a bab​y her​e, it too​k me thr​ee mon​ths​ to be bac​k to nor​mal​ aga​in ney​o is cra​wli​ng,​ has​ cut​ his​ fir​st TWO​ tee​th!​! ,​ and​ he'​s say​ing​ "da​da dad​a" and​ cra​wli​ng ... read more

just to update everyone, matthew is getting better. looking a lot better, talking a lot, still really aware and making great eye contact...relying on his own hands to stare at a lot less imagine about a month in a hospital crib and the only attention from anyone other than ants was when a nurse from the children's home or i could make it there...or a two minute bottle feed or five minute bath from the staff there and more solid doodoos and still spitting up a lot but i think it's closer to the normal amount now...umm he's just a really happy baby. earlier tonight michelle and i were talking about what it was like when he was dying, because he REALLY was dying and it really is amazing that he's even alive right now. michelle ... read more

So, the Robin's Nest board decided at their recent meeting that it is now going to be mandatory for long term volunteers, like myself, to go through training before they come. This means I'm not going to be in Jamaica at the Nest from May-September after all! I'm really sad that I don't have another five months with the kids, staff and our community and the students in our small church youth group. I think God is allowing my heart to be protected though. I am going to try to visit this summer, and hopefully go to camp with the church kids! I only have two weeks left of life here... at least for now... After I found out about this new change, I applied on greataupair.com just to see about going to Europe for a ... read more

I know that's a really weird blog title, but my bathroom is infested with mosquitos, and I have become the queen of killing them and I was just so surprised when I saw mating mosquitos on the wall. Anyways. Matthew is home...did I write that in my last blog?...and he is doing much better. I know...I still haven't written much about him on here.n If I didn't explain it much before, I'll just tell you now that he began to die in the hospital awaiting test results proving his need for bowel obstruction surgery and then after surgery and all of that, he was home for 9 days and I took care of him 95% of the time, which was great and tiring but mostly great but also heart-wrenching and then had to go back to ... read more

Well. I should post something about the Matthew situation...I will probably just copy and paste emails I've already written about him. I'm making falafel and hummus right now, but decided to post a lil entry while the batter was soaking. Today is a wonderfully mellow Saturday. Thank you to anyone who has donated. Sometimes, I don't know who is donating, how much, or when, so this is a general thank you to anyone who has helped with money. Please pray for everyone's health, for looming adoptions, for hospitalized Matthew...for our special needs kids I was burnt out in January. February was healing, learning to discipline myself to take better care of myself...and then I was blessed by getting to take care of Matthew all the time. It just hurts so bad when he suffers...bowel obstruction surgery ... read more

well. maybe you can't even tell when i'm rushed...and i feel like that's how i start all my emails, blog entries, and such... right now, in another browser window, i'm finally adding pictures to myspace. i'm very excited for that! haha i decided since i haven't updated very well on here, and please excuse if i word things weird...i think it's from listening to people speak patwa and talking with two year old a lot??...that i'll copy some things i jotted in my our daily bread devotional booklet margins to kind of catch up. so here it goes... January 1 day off. played solitaire with kemar. conversations with friends. river was too cold to swim so i slept in a patch of dirt in the sun. from my quiet time: "until i die, not to act ... read more