I had written and posted an entry here earlier. Thing is, it was too much. Too much of myself. Retracted. The longer I seem to go along the road to truth, the more I see what issue make me human and screwed up inside. And more forcefully, I see i what and how major change is required. And its a road i travel alone. But a road i no longer avoid. Despite my vagueness, i'd like to thankyou for reading my various chronicals. Hope you enjoyed my travels to the beautiful country south of the equator. I wish you all the [View Full Entry]

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There's a variety of dimensions to us all. At least i think. At least there is with me. With different people. We act differently. Let go of our guard. Allowing us to be free. This is where she is with me. But i'm not. There are moments when you can let go. But fear if you let it all out. Well. two things. You will show your unbridled ugliness. Or. More relevantly. What you fear is that apart of yourself, this guard, will be exposed and an aspect of your soul will be bound. perhaps permanently. What if this part of [View Full Entry]

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when confronted by our worst nightmares, the choices are few: fight or flight. we hope to find the strength to stand against our fears. but sometimes, despite ourselves, we run. what if the nightmare gives chase? Where do we run then? [View Full Entry]

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full circle. I'm back. I stayed up the night previous departure. hoping for sleep on the long ride out. It was largely unremarkable. watched a few in flight movies, had a few drinks. Sleep? no sleep. been up for 2 days now. a power nap here and there, but so uncomfortable. i yearn for positive verticle slumber tonight. My parents saw me off. It was emotional. Mum lingered for ages. Still treats me like i'm 10 years old. which i find kinda sweet actually. I get in and red picks me up. We come pilgrimage back after a brief stint in [View Full Entry]

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I go home tomorrow. Melbourne has been quick and slow at the same time. I got my wallet back. jenny broke up with rob. I haven't done a whole lot. apart from writing and learning songs on this $5 guitar that sounds like a cat being strangled. I feel unaccomplished with my parents. they haven't seemed interested in talking about anything real. not really. i suppose i should push it. or should have. i have the feeling i'll be seeing them soon. i mean, i will be...in july. we always think there's time to put things off. i doubt thats wise. [View Full Entry]

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i begrudgingly awaken to the ramble of a girls voice. after a few moments i realise its jenny. I open an eye and see aaron and aj awake and crowded around her like school children gathered around a teacher to hear a story. She's been up for 4 hours. crying and talking to her parents. apparently rob is upset with how loud we were, but more symptimatically by thinking jenny is a drunk. truth is. when she drinks. she has a big ol time. but she hardly ever does. in fact. we are her first visitors to town. ever. and she [View Full Entry]

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day 16 i'm not excited. i'm kinda tired. tired of the hustle and bustle. and sydney is the worst place if you feel like this. this is beehive australia. the guys want to go out and explore sydney. i've done this twice before. i need to feel human again. clean. washed. reset. i feel like a killjoy, but i send them out without me. i spend the next few hours to myself. writing, thinking, scrubbing, laundry. its just what the doctor ordered. i finally get to tend to my foot and give it good dressings. in the afternoon, jenny's boyfriend comes [View Full Entry]

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The next day i'm up around sunrise. kinda hard to stay asleep in a car. Its not long until the boys meet me there. We need to make an early start on our drive to sydney. it's about 6 hours away. We wanted to stay on the road longer, but money is getting real thin and jenny jones will be putting us up while we're in sydney. I think we also just want to spend a few days relaxing in one location. We set out for the drive. The coast up here is pretty, just like queensland. It seems far more [View Full Entry]

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i'm in paradise. it should be good. but it isn't. things in my life in waco look grim. nothing is working out. i'm in the midst of a million smiling faces and i hate them all. i want to buck up. i want to get over it. but its all turning to shit. and all i have left is god. the last few days have been amazing. australia is a country of wealth and beauty. and i ask myself a million times why i have left. melbourne is a lot different to the rest of this australia. maybe i could be [View Full Entry]

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day 13 We're all grumpy. sleeping in the car is swampy, uncomfortable, and now smelly from 3 unwashed blokes. We managed to completely waste last night, a saturday night, in what should have been one of the funnest places to have a beer. We try not to dwell on it. After a brief walk along the main beach and watching the surf comp, we go to cafe le monde, aj's old work, and get some breakfast. We decide to get out of town. We can't imagine what else we can properly see (given there's still so much to see) and we [View Full Entry]

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